Theoretical and Actual
Today is our theoretical due date. I've been saying it like that for the last couple of weeks. Most people talk about having an "actual due date" but I've been pretty adamant that the kid's numeracy skills are pretty low at this point, and besides, there are no calendars in there, and even if there were, it's too dark to read. Noting that only 10% of kids are actually born on their due dates (hmmm, 10% born on their due dates, 10% are queer - is there a connection?), it seems like you are telling the other 90% of kids they started out life born on the wrong day. That just seems like a bad idea.
I had thought it was likely the kid would come early, perhaps in part because I was so tired of being pregnant, but then, a couple of weeks ago, the kid dropped, and I feel far more willing to wait until ze is ready. Now that I feel almost human (abet like a human with a water-filled beach ball in my belly), waiting feels fine. I'm sleeping better and my consumption of Tums has dropped dramatically. It is strange to me that the last few weeks of pregnancy are the most comfortable, but hey, at this point, I'll take it.
Expectation is however a strange place to rest. I find myself wondering if this is our last night of not being parents? Is this the last time we can go out for dinner without having to plan for the small person? Is this near the end of when it does not matter that the small person's car seats are not yet in either vehicle? What will the small person be like? What will the small person look like? What's ze doing? There's lots of excitement, and expectation, and then, then some more expectation. My poor Tender Beast's greeting to me at this point is "Is something happening?" which ze asks with a great grin and much interest. Um, not yet, nothing substantial, nothing heralding an imminent arrival, which really is the only kind of "somethings" my Tender Beast is asking about.
This is also the season of people asking. Friends and family who make calls that start with "I'm not asking if the kid is there yet, I'm just, um, calling to see how you are doing." We are getting a pretty steady stream of e-mails asking if the kid has been born yet and I am trying to feel like this is demonstrative of lots of love out there for us and the little person. I am enjoying the calls, and the opportunity to catch-up with people, and I totally commit to letting people know when there is news. No news from here, means that there is no news.
Yesterday, I encountered the postal carrier on our front steps "It must be someone's birthday" he said, "You've been getting lots of cards and packages lately." "Soon," I said, "There's a birthday coming soon." It felt strangely warm and totally lovely.
Today is apparently not the day the kid is choosing as a birthday, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe the week after that. As the time window narrows I'm feeling much better about waiting, much more willing to go with the surprise of it and enjoy the wonder. I'm relishing having someone inside my belly dancing and knowing that that is a time limited pleasure and won't last. I feel ready, and feel like I can allow the small person the luxury of feeling ready too.
I had thought it was likely the kid would come early, perhaps in part because I was so tired of being pregnant, but then, a couple of weeks ago, the kid dropped, and I feel far more willing to wait until ze is ready. Now that I feel almost human (abet like a human with a water-filled beach ball in my belly), waiting feels fine. I'm sleeping better and my consumption of Tums has dropped dramatically. It is strange to me that the last few weeks of pregnancy are the most comfortable, but hey, at this point, I'll take it.
Expectation is however a strange place to rest. I find myself wondering if this is our last night of not being parents? Is this the last time we can go out for dinner without having to plan for the small person? Is this near the end of when it does not matter that the small person's car seats are not yet in either vehicle? What will the small person be like? What will the small person look like? What's ze doing? There's lots of excitement, and expectation, and then, then some more expectation. My poor Tender Beast's greeting to me at this point is "Is something happening?" which ze asks with a great grin and much interest. Um, not yet, nothing substantial, nothing heralding an imminent arrival, which really is the only kind of "somethings" my Tender Beast is asking about.
This is also the season of people asking. Friends and family who make calls that start with "I'm not asking if the kid is there yet, I'm just, um, calling to see how you are doing." We are getting a pretty steady stream of e-mails asking if the kid has been born yet and I am trying to feel like this is demonstrative of lots of love out there for us and the little person. I am enjoying the calls, and the opportunity to catch-up with people, and I totally commit to letting people know when there is news. No news from here, means that there is no news.
Yesterday, I encountered the postal carrier on our front steps "It must be someone's birthday" he said, "You've been getting lots of cards and packages lately." "Soon," I said, "There's a birthday coming soon." It felt strangely warm and totally lovely.
Today is apparently not the day the kid is choosing as a birthday, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe the week after that. As the time window narrows I'm feeling much better about waiting, much more willing to go with the surprise of it and enjoy the wonder. I'm relishing having someone inside my belly dancing and knowing that that is a time limited pleasure and won't last. I feel ready, and feel like I can allow the small person the luxury of feeling ready too.