(no subject)
I really think i made a bad choice in moving back to campus. I just knew that i couldn't live at home. That would have been so bad. I think worse than campus. Though right now i could not imagine anything worse than 123 Philippi. I'm lonely and i just get more depressed. Seeing her doesn't help. I am not sure why i didn't think about how hard it would be to live in the same building with her again. I pretty much detached and stayed in my room last year just to avoid her. This year is different, at least so far, because she is being nice. Last year she was very mean, it was easier to hate her because i no longer saw the person i fell in love with but now i am being reminded how amazing she is. And it makes me think of the good memories. I just see myself falling again and I am really trying to fight it. The thing is that i just don't know how to talk to anyone about this. Most people think that I just need to get over my shit, and i really thought i had. I realized i hadn't when i saw her at Ruby Tuesdays. I knew when i had such a hard time with seeing her that this coming year was gonna suck. There are some things about gorham that i love but this one thing seems to be over powering it everything else. I hate that it all still gets to me. I just hate feeling so stuck. Sometime i think that maybe i just need closer but i don't know how to go about that. Or it could be that i still believe somewhere deep down that it isn't over. I really thought i had moved on but i guess going out drinking and making out with random people isn't moving on. i just wish i knew why i can't let go.. sometime i get angry thinking about that. i just don't understand how it seemed so easy for her to let go and i can't let go. grrrrrrrrrr. to much analytical shit for now. off to work as soon as the mother gets to campus with my spare keys..... oh yeah i can't find my keys fucking great.......