*sigh*
Its been awhile since I've updated this thing. I know nobody reads it anyway, but what the hell. Lately, I've been noticing how much things have changed in the past month. I have made new friends, gotten drunk a lot more, and done things I normally wouldn't do. Nothing illegal, just things that are really out of character. I can't say I regret anything that has happened this past month, I just don't feel happy. I feel like no matter what I do or who I meet, I will always be unhappy and feel like I am missing out on something. I cried this weekend. It was horrible. I didn't cry once..try twice. I get really emotional when I'm drunk. I saw my friend cry, so I did. Then I got jealous about something stupid, that made me cry and then I turned around and called my ex. WTF! I have also noticed that my friendship with my best friend is falling apart. He has made new friends, hangs out with this one girl all the time, and I never see him. Its to the point that I have nothing to say to him. I don't know why its happening, it just is. I guess it was inevitable. Nothing ever lasts a very long time with me. Things change. People change. I have watched so many people walk into my life only to walk right back out a few weeks later. I don't know why. I want to make friendships that will stick, but its not happening.
I did start hanging out with a friend from high school though. I guess that is one friendship that was meant to be. We met in 10th grade, stayed friends through 11th grade, lost touch, and are now becoming friends again. I feel really good about finally having a female friend again. So, I guess that's one GOOD change that has happened.
I have started talking to Dustin again. We went from October until the end of December without talking. He IMed me out of the blue. I can't say that I feel GOOD about talking to him again, but I also can't say I feel bad. Sometimes it hurts a little, mainly when he talks about his girlfriend, but other than that I'm OK. I really need to work on making myself happy. Then maybe I won't focus so hard on the bad things in my life. Its just really hard when nothing but bad comes my way.
I have also noticed that I am becoming really needy. I HAVE to do something every weekend or else I get really upset. I'm also picky about who I hang out with. Some people are only here to bring me down. I am really starting to notice that, and it blows. I just don't know what I should do. I can't seem to think of any one thing that would make me happy. I thought having a boyfriend would, but it seems that once I find a guy I like, something happens to kill the boyfriend idea. I get annoyed easily. I also get bored easily. I think I want a boyfriend, I just don't want to be smothered, which is why I can't date certain people. I only know of ONE guy that I would want to date, but he doesn't want a commitment. Oh well. There's nothing wrong with single life. Lots of freedom is always a good thing.
Ok, I think I've rambled enough, and half of this probably makes no sense. But, oh well. At least its all off my chest.
I did start hanging out with a friend from high school though. I guess that is one friendship that was meant to be. We met in 10th grade, stayed friends through 11th grade, lost touch, and are now becoming friends again. I feel really good about finally having a female friend again. So, I guess that's one GOOD change that has happened.
I have started talking to Dustin again. We went from October until the end of December without talking. He IMed me out of the blue. I can't say that I feel GOOD about talking to him again, but I also can't say I feel bad. Sometimes it hurts a little, mainly when he talks about his girlfriend, but other than that I'm OK. I really need to work on making myself happy. Then maybe I won't focus so hard on the bad things in my life. Its just really hard when nothing but bad comes my way.
I have also noticed that I am becoming really needy. I HAVE to do something every weekend or else I get really upset. I'm also picky about who I hang out with. Some people are only here to bring me down. I am really starting to notice that, and it blows. I just don't know what I should do. I can't seem to think of any one thing that would make me happy. I thought having a boyfriend would, but it seems that once I find a guy I like, something happens to kill the boyfriend idea. I get annoyed easily. I also get bored easily. I think I want a boyfriend, I just don't want to be smothered, which is why I can't date certain people. I only know of ONE guy that I would want to date, but he doesn't want a commitment. Oh well. There's nothing wrong with single life. Lots of freedom is always a good thing.
Ok, I think I've rambled enough, and half of this probably makes no sense. But, oh well. At least its all off my chest.