Faded Memories and the smell of winter...It can only mean one thing.
My mind has been circling constantly with faded memories of two years ago... A lot trigger these memories the most potent being the snow falling and the sharpness of the air on your face when you step outside... It's the smell of snow coming and the greyness of the clouds collection in the sky. This all brings back these memories that flood my emotions to the point of being overwhelmed. It's so hard to believe that the life I live now has branched from the life I used to live before. It's just so completely different and the surroundings are so similar it's almost contradicting. Driving today after a fresh snow reminded me of not one particular memory, but a ton of them... From driving in a foot of snow to the city to cop, to getting my car stuck in a pile of snow in the city, to picking my car up with Patti after I let a drug dealer borrow it for a few days... and thats just the beginning. Sitting on the floor of a drug house, shooting up in my dress clothes after work, stopping at Steve and Ryans house to spend time with my best friend at the time Patti, laying on the couch eating ice cream from McDonalds, being strung out and tormenting myself with stupid and selfish ways to get just $20 bucks so you won't be sick, the stress I felt when going home empty handed wondering what the fuck I was going to do for work tomorrow, because I couldn't go sick... what's interesting is that it's not just this season that brings back so many memories, it's every season. It's connected to the memories I almost regret making, summer, spring, fall... all their smells, their looks, their temperatures... they bring these back. I don't get sad thinking of all the shit that has gone on, because it's made me who I am today... It just amazes me how I could forget it all so easily and with one simple trigger it can all come flowing back and you can't stop it.
I ran into someone at the methadone clinic yesterday morning. An old "friend" I suppose she's a friend... She stole over 200 dollars from me and I'm pretty still pissed about that because it was money to pay someone back and since I couldn't pay them back because she stole it, that relationship with that person was ended. But these are the things I need to learn to let go and understand when using, you are just not the same person and you do stupid things you wouldn't normally do.
I guess next time I run into her if she looks like she's open to talking, I'll respond.
Ah, life is interesting, but very good lately. (even though I feel like i'm dying every single minute of the day) I got a car last night and laid, so i'm still running off of that high.
I ran into someone at the methadone clinic yesterday morning. An old "friend" I suppose she's a friend... She stole over 200 dollars from me and I'm pretty still pissed about that because it was money to pay someone back and since I couldn't pay them back because she stole it, that relationship with that person was ended. But these are the things I need to learn to let go and understand when using, you are just not the same person and you do stupid things you wouldn't normally do.
I guess next time I run into her if she looks like she's open to talking, I'll respond.
Ah, life is interesting, but very good lately. (even though I feel like i'm dying every single minute of the day) I got a car last night and laid, so i'm still running off of that high.