I miss watching COPS, I think I should start again...

[iseemtovanish]

Today I realized that I've been missing out on so many things I used to do before Nate lived with me. It just seems like spending time with him is just what I do and time for anything else is just not available. I used and still use the excuse money. Which, it is true. What else is true is that there isn't really anything to do anymore. The things I used to enjoy just aren't in my lifestyle anymore. Going to the bar is basically what I'm talking about here... There are times where I yern to just go out for the social scene, but I can't drink. And it is possible for people to not drink when at a bar, but for me, I'd want to, or even buy food, or something to just keep me from sitting there/standing and looking dumb. I like going over to friends houses, and I do that on occasion, but recently I've found everyone either just not around or too far away for me to just stop over... And some friends, even though I've known them my whole life I just never feel comfortable or welcome to stop by "any time". I guess I never told anyone this either and that could be the problem, my goal is to bring it up and see how they would feel if I would just "drop by". I always tell people to stop by whenever for this reason, I want everyone I consider a friend to feel welcomed at my place, always. I feel I've acomplished this because people stop over ALL the time, and I love it. I told Brien Via maybe twice before to stop over, and not even in person and I see him at least once every two weeks. I know some people are busy, and I totally understand that (Casey) hehehe. Ah, I dream of a nicer apartment with spacious rooms and a bedroom I can stand in. *sighhh* As soon as the kid comes out, maybe a little before I'll have this, but I'm just too damn impatient.

Christmas is coming and Nate and I bought eachother nothing... I bought my friends nothing, I bought my sisters nothing, my nephew nothing and there is no tree or decorations in our place... Still, i'm so excited to wake up that morning... Why? Because last year I was sick and this year I won't be... I'll have my own place and a boyfriend who loves me and thats all I need to make this Christmas wonderful. I've been clean for 8 months and it feels like a lifetime. I'm so thankful for everything I have and don't have. Life is amazing and thinking about what the future holds for me is finally exciting instead of dreadful. I actually HAVE a future this Christmas... *smiles*