I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.

[iseemtovanish]

So, he texted me tonight... I left a few voicemails for him asking him what was up, etc. He didn't return the calls before, I thought maybe he was ignoring me, but I let it be, because thats how our relationship is. It's almost like we are dating but we really only see eachother every few months to fuck/hang out and then we go back to our lives and meet up again in a few weeks. It's something i'm actually content with right now because my heart, I know, doesn't lie with him... just my vagina. He isn't used to me calling or trying to get ahold of him. He always calls me, always makes the plans to hang out, I just say yes. The truth hurts and the truth is, he doesn't like me the way I want, and I dont like him the way I want either. It's okay, I'm just writing about us, because Friday he'll probably be sleeping next to me and I'll be playing with his dreads forcing a smile wishing it were someone else beside me...
I can never take anything for what it's worth. I need to keep growing.
And its probably best I grow alone.

I hate the thought of being alone and at the same time it comforts me too.
Wow, am I a confused girl.
I love it.