(no subject)
I'm sitting here trying to wake up. Every time I close my eyes for more then the normal time it takes to blink I get swallowed back into the state of sleep that i'm actually trying to FIGHT OFF.
Casey and I ended up walking to the Toy Soilder because we were bored and accidently got a little drunk. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, I guess thats the outcome when you don't pay attention to how many bottles are on the table. Most of the night I had this guy Rob beside me who wanted Casey and I to go back to his house he just bought. He had a hot tub, a bunch of bedrooms and two cats. Oh and his ex wife was brought up 50 plus times in the conversation we were having. Like it wasn't bad enough that he was going bald and reminded me of Marion Court Room Phil. ::makes gagging noises:: Phil was an asshole. I didn't sleep with him, now he wants nothing to do with me. Fuck YOU. We ended up just being nice to Rob, and he got the hint, or maybe he didn't, that we weren't interested. We did it nicely too.
So last night being as drunk as I was and not eating much during the day the wonderful idea of eating popped into my head. Ha, ha imagine that. So Casey mentions we can go to Sheets. I'm of course am all about it, next thing you know we're driving and bam, i'm being pulled over. As the cop is walking up to the car, Casey's explaing to me how freaked out she is, and yes, I can admit I was fucking scared I was going to jail, because I'm never pulled over by a cop and gotten away with it. I suppose me not flipping out was just myself preparing for the bad shit to start happening. I'm not sure what it is anymore it takes me a long time to actually register whats happening. After the whole big mess at work and me losing the job I told myself that getting upset over this shit isn't worth it. (getting upset as in crying, flipping out, etc) I grabbed Casey's hand as he talked to me. She hardly moved. He pulled me over because my car wasn't registered, duh I'm a fucking shit fuck for letting it run out and not renewing it, and he let me go with a warning. I kind of did the whole, jaw drop and looked at Casey with a cool smile and say "Holy fuck, that didn't just happen did it?!" Is lady luck on my side? Am I not as cursed as I swear I am? I'm not sure but something was going alright last night... something...
I'm getting my car registered on Monday.
Oh and alright, alright, i'm being bitched at left and right for the drunk driving. Just because i'm not sitting here crying in my own self pity because I did a stupid thing doesn't fucking mean what I did was RIGHT. It wasn't, I KNOW THAT BUT STOP GIVING ME SHIT. Just because I don't get fucking depressed over every single little fucked up shittin thing that happens to me doesn't mean I understand how BAD IT WAS. How about I go cry now for a few hours, swear I'll never drink and drive again, only to fucking break that promise to myself and cry again. Life is just life, I cherish it in no way at this time. I WOULDNT HAVE DROVE IF I A) couldn't walk B) Speech was slurred C)I had previously walked it off D)I thought I might kill someone with my driving. I WAS FINE, BUZZED, BUT FINE! I WAS drunk AS IN OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT WHICH IS EASY TO DO WITH ONE DRINK. You know what... gr, Never fucking mind. Thanks for your concern, yes you can get mad at me, but don't ever sign off pissed, or leave me pissed without trying to resovle the problem. I hate leaving things open and shitty. And this is for Mario Russo because his friend was just killed in a drunk driving accident, someone was drunk and killed him... I met his child, and his girl, they both didn't deserve that... no one does and yes the risk is there I won't deny that. BUT I KNOW. Maybe I don't have enough fucking love for this earth, this life to care, or maybe I'm YOUNG and just don't understand. Or maybe, just maybe, I've been through hell and back and dealing with it is just another walk in the fucking park for me. Now i'm crying.
Is it worth it?
I"M SORRY MARIO.
::walks away pissed because I have no leg to stand on::
Casey and I ended up walking to the Toy Soilder because we were bored and accidently got a little drunk. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, I guess thats the outcome when you don't pay attention to how many bottles are on the table. Most of the night I had this guy Rob beside me who wanted Casey and I to go back to his house he just bought. He had a hot tub, a bunch of bedrooms and two cats. Oh and his ex wife was brought up 50 plus times in the conversation we were having. Like it wasn't bad enough that he was going bald and reminded me of Marion Court Room Phil. ::makes gagging noises:: Phil was an asshole. I didn't sleep with him, now he wants nothing to do with me. Fuck YOU. We ended up just being nice to Rob, and he got the hint, or maybe he didn't, that we weren't interested. We did it nicely too.
So last night being as drunk as I was and not eating much during the day the wonderful idea of eating popped into my head. Ha, ha imagine that. So Casey mentions we can go to Sheets. I'm of course am all about it, next thing you know we're driving and bam, i'm being pulled over. As the cop is walking up to the car, Casey's explaing to me how freaked out she is, and yes, I can admit I was fucking scared I was going to jail, because I'm never pulled over by a cop and gotten away with it. I suppose me not flipping out was just myself preparing for the bad shit to start happening. I'm not sure what it is anymore it takes me a long time to actually register whats happening. After the whole big mess at work and me losing the job I told myself that getting upset over this shit isn't worth it. (getting upset as in crying, flipping out, etc) I grabbed Casey's hand as he talked to me. She hardly moved. He pulled me over because my car wasn't registered, duh I'm a fucking shit fuck for letting it run out and not renewing it, and he let me go with a warning. I kind of did the whole, jaw drop and looked at Casey with a cool smile and say "Holy fuck, that didn't just happen did it?!" Is lady luck on my side? Am I not as cursed as I swear I am? I'm not sure but something was going alright last night... something...
I'm getting my car registered on Monday.
Oh and alright, alright, i'm being bitched at left and right for the drunk driving. Just because i'm not sitting here crying in my own self pity because I did a stupid thing doesn't fucking mean what I did was RIGHT. It wasn't, I KNOW THAT BUT STOP GIVING ME SHIT. Just because I don't get fucking depressed over every single little fucked up shittin thing that happens to me doesn't mean I understand how BAD IT WAS. How about I go cry now for a few hours, swear I'll never drink and drive again, only to fucking break that promise to myself and cry again. Life is just life, I cherish it in no way at this time. I WOULDNT HAVE DROVE IF I A) couldn't walk B) Speech was slurred C)I had previously walked it off D)I thought I might kill someone with my driving. I WAS FINE, BUZZED, BUT FINE! I WAS drunk AS IN OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT WHICH IS EASY TO DO WITH ONE DRINK. You know what... gr, Never fucking mind. Thanks for your concern, yes you can get mad at me, but don't ever sign off pissed, or leave me pissed without trying to resovle the problem. I hate leaving things open and shitty. And this is for Mario Russo because his friend was just killed in a drunk driving accident, someone was drunk and killed him... I met his child, and his girl, they both didn't deserve that... no one does and yes the risk is there I won't deny that. BUT I KNOW. Maybe I don't have enough fucking love for this earth, this life to care, or maybe I'm YOUNG and just don't understand. Or maybe, just maybe, I've been through hell and back and dealing with it is just another walk in the fucking park for me. Now i'm crying.
Is it worth it?
I"M SORRY MARIO.
::walks away pissed because I have no leg to stand on::