(no subject)
I haven't made an entry in a while and I wanted it to be a cheerful one but I can't take it.
My friend visited me and we talked for a long time and slept only a bit then had a full day of hanging out so he leaves and I get ready for bed, I'm in a slightly good mood because I pulled a muscle in my back last week and it's been hurting on and off but it hasn't bothered me today so I'm like tmr I can clean all the things and get my dorm stuff out of dad's jeep. I'm really tired so I'm like YAY I'll be able to go to sleep without any problems blah blah. I'll finally be able to sleep peacefully without having to worrying about waking up because yesterday I had to get up at 7am and the days before that I had to get up early all the way back to before my semester finished.
But I go downstairs and dad is like TMR we have to get everything out of the jeep. I need the jeep. Getting you up at 7am.
...
Note that by this time it's 11pm. so if I want 8 hours I have to go to bed instantly.
You know....I wasn't feeling great because I was tired.
But now I just feel awful and pissed. Pissed because it half sounded like a guilt trip mixed with that 'if I don't say something you'll put it off forever'. No. You can't read my mind. I understand that. I understand you can't tell I was already going to get this done tmr. But then 7AM? Really? I'm working on about 4 hours of sleep here and my back is finally not hurting me so maybe I can actually get some rest but no. Now I'm just a ball of anxiety and I can literally feel my body tensing up as my brain calculates everything I have to do tmr.
I lay down and I can't sleep. I'm no longer tired. I'm THINKING. THINKING ABOUT ALL THE STUFF I HAVE TO DO AS SOON AS I WAKE UP AND HOW FREAKING TIRED I'M GOING TO BE WHEN I HAVE TO BE WOKEN UP because I can't relax when I know I have to get up early the next day. I'm not kidding, my neck is in pain now from the tension and I have a slight headache. You think finally, finally I can relax just a little and then NOPE. You can't and the sudden nervous contraction of muscles in my body is leaving me miserable. I also swallowed wrong and am having chest congestion which is horrible because I'm paranoid about that kind of stuff and my throat is sore from trying to cough.
I am so freaking tired of feeling like this.
My friend visited me and we talked for a long time and slept only a bit then had a full day of hanging out so he leaves and I get ready for bed, I'm in a slightly good mood because I pulled a muscle in my back last week and it's been hurting on and off but it hasn't bothered me today so I'm like tmr I can clean all the things and get my dorm stuff out of dad's jeep. I'm really tired so I'm like YAY I'll be able to go to sleep without any problems blah blah. I'll finally be able to sleep peacefully without having to worrying about waking up because yesterday I had to get up at 7am and the days before that I had to get up early all the way back to before my semester finished.
But I go downstairs and dad is like TMR we have to get everything out of the jeep. I need the jeep. Getting you up at 7am.
...
Note that by this time it's 11pm. so if I want 8 hours I have to go to bed instantly.
You know....I wasn't feeling great because I was tired.
But now I just feel awful and pissed. Pissed because it half sounded like a guilt trip mixed with that 'if I don't say something you'll put it off forever'. No. You can't read my mind. I understand that. I understand you can't tell I was already going to get this done tmr. But then 7AM? Really? I'm working on about 4 hours of sleep here and my back is finally not hurting me so maybe I can actually get some rest but no. Now I'm just a ball of anxiety and I can literally feel my body tensing up as my brain calculates everything I have to do tmr.
I lay down and I can't sleep. I'm no longer tired. I'm THINKING. THINKING ABOUT ALL THE STUFF I HAVE TO DO AS SOON AS I WAKE UP AND HOW FREAKING TIRED I'M GOING TO BE WHEN I HAVE TO BE WOKEN UP because I can't relax when I know I have to get up early the next day. I'm not kidding, my neck is in pain now from the tension and I have a slight headache. You think finally, finally I can relax just a little and then NOPE. You can't and the sudden nervous contraction of muscles in my body is leaving me miserable. I also swallowed wrong and am having chest congestion which is horrible because I'm paranoid about that kind of stuff and my throat is sore from trying to cough.
I am so freaking tired of feeling like this.