the aftershock
last night sucked. (yeah you can say that again) it just plain sucked. chris and i fought, again, (what a surprise). i duno wut 2 do. i apologized this morning (im not sure 4 what) but i kind of wish i hadnt. he acts like he doesn't give a shit about me when he says he does all the time. so i ask him why cant he act like he cares and he just shrugs it off. i tore up both my arms last night, and he got mad it me. he said "why didnt you call me" and fuck i did like 12 times but he blew me off everytime, what the hell?! then he went on about he cant feel bad for me cuz it was my own fault. yeah i did it, but he made me feel like doing it. maybe it isnt fair to blame that on him. but i want to. he didnt try to stop me from cutting, for once...it made me feel like crap. he can make me stop sometimes, i wish he had. he said "well i was out with my friends having fun, i shouldn't have to deal with you" that hurt my feelings more than anything, but maybe he's right. i didnt want him to stop hanging out w/his friends, but just to talk 2 me for 5 minutes. is that so selfish??? may-bee. it seems like, when he put that ring on my finger, i became his problem. whether he wanted it or not, me, and my cutting, were also his problem. and you would think he would want to help. what also pissed me off was he said "you know, when i 1st met you, and u were cutting, i thought it was a phase you were going thru" WTF?! where the hell has he been. ive been cutting for a little over a year, and we've been together a little over a year. if it was a fucking phase then y wud i have seen countless therapists and been on different medications and be threatened to be hospitalized? newsfuckingflash. i wanna cry, and cut; and then cry some more.
my mommy is on her way to help shovel us out...i might go home with her. i dont know. i want too, but if there's even a slight chance of seeing chris, i'll stay here. im so pathetic =( dream on, carli. i asked him if he thought i cud see him 2day n he says "i doubt it" well that was informative, so i picked a little and he says his mom will make him do his science fair project. thats what he said last weekend, wen he spent the whole time outside with his friends. i guarentee thats where he'll be today too.
its flurrying a little....i hope it doesn't accumulate to much. we'll probably be out of school 2morrow, they roads still aren't very good, but you can sort-of travel on them.
if i go home, james might come over...i dunno if i want that. :o/ then again, it might be better than being alone. i'd almost rather be in school...and that's a damn shame.
i wanna see my mommy.
my mommy is on her way to help shovel us out...i might go home with her. i dont know. i want too, but if there's even a slight chance of seeing chris, i'll stay here. im so pathetic =( dream on, carli. i asked him if he thought i cud see him 2day n he says "i doubt it" well that was informative, so i picked a little and he says his mom will make him do his science fair project. thats what he said last weekend, wen he spent the whole time outside with his friends. i guarentee thats where he'll be today too.
its flurrying a little....i hope it doesn't accumulate to much. we'll probably be out of school 2morrow, they roads still aren't very good, but you can sort-of travel on them.
if i go home, james might come over...i dunno if i want that. :o/ then again, it might be better than being alone. i'd almost rather be in school...and that's a damn shame.
i wanna see my mommy.