Complaint Letter #2
This is becoming addicitive - here's an email I sent at work today (yes, I was bored) to Tony Lopes, the grindingly unfunny author of 'Odd Streak' cartoons:
Dear Tony
In a recent ‘Secret Santa’ at my place of work my colleague received one of your cartoon compilations entitled ‘Odd Streak’.
Now, I do enjoy a good joke, am partial to cartoons, and could even go so far as to say I enjoy the occasional dirty limerick. On a particularly dull day at work I decided I needed cheering up and perused said book hopefully. It took me roughly 16 seconds to realise that something was seriously wrong.
I rapidly became aware that I wasn’t laughing. In fact, my reaction was quite the opposite. Far from the chortle I was expecting, I found my blood pressure rising and a small volume of bile began to rise in my throat.
I began to panic and fear the worst - that my sense of humour had been incapacitated! Fearing for my health, I passed the book to another colleague who, thankfully, confirmed that it was in fact the book itself that was the problem.
In order to be completely certain that it was not just us, the book was passed around the office to gather an un-biased opinion, and Tony, may I just say, if I were to be kind I would say that the results were a “mixed bag”. I’m afraid the book did not go down well at all, Tony. A particularly elderly lady in the office covered her mouth with a tissue and had to politely excuse herself from the room, I presume in order to vomit, although I cannot be sure.
Anyway, I am sure you are a busy man Tony, so I will not keep you any longer and will summarise by offering a helpful suggestion:
On the reverse of your book is the following synopsis; “Lopes’ outrageous cast of thousands have graced the pages of some of the world’s leading newspapers and now for the first time, their antics can be enjoyed in this hilarious collection.”
I think it may be more factually correct to replace this with the following paragraph; “Lopes’ abhorrent collection of bile-educing tripe will, at best, amuse children under the age of 7 or mentally retarded individuals, and, at worse, be so dreadfully unfunny it will tear a hole in the very fabric of time.”
Thank you for your time.
Yours Truly
Mike Wathen
Dear Tony
In a recent ‘Secret Santa’ at my place of work my colleague received one of your cartoon compilations entitled ‘Odd Streak’.
Now, I do enjoy a good joke, am partial to cartoons, and could even go so far as to say I enjoy the occasional dirty limerick. On a particularly dull day at work I decided I needed cheering up and perused said book hopefully. It took me roughly 16 seconds to realise that something was seriously wrong.
I rapidly became aware that I wasn’t laughing. In fact, my reaction was quite the opposite. Far from the chortle I was expecting, I found my blood pressure rising and a small volume of bile began to rise in my throat.
I began to panic and fear the worst - that my sense of humour had been incapacitated! Fearing for my health, I passed the book to another colleague who, thankfully, confirmed that it was in fact the book itself that was the problem.
In order to be completely certain that it was not just us, the book was passed around the office to gather an un-biased opinion, and Tony, may I just say, if I were to be kind I would say that the results were a “mixed bag”. I’m afraid the book did not go down well at all, Tony. A particularly elderly lady in the office covered her mouth with a tissue and had to politely excuse herself from the room, I presume in order to vomit, although I cannot be sure.
Anyway, I am sure you are a busy man Tony, so I will not keep you any longer and will summarise by offering a helpful suggestion:
On the reverse of your book is the following synopsis; “Lopes’ outrageous cast of thousands have graced the pages of some of the world’s leading newspapers and now for the first time, their antics can be enjoyed in this hilarious collection.”
I think it may be more factually correct to replace this with the following paragraph; “Lopes’ abhorrent collection of bile-educing tripe will, at best, amuse children under the age of 7 or mentally retarded individuals, and, at worse, be so dreadfully unfunny it will tear a hole in the very fabric of time.”
Thank you for your time.
Yours Truly
Mike Wathen