House Fic: Five Times...
Title: Five Times...
Rating: T
Pairing: Gen
Summary: Speculation for Season Five finale, based on spoilers. Fuller title and summary behind the cut, so spoilerphobes beware.
Title: Five Times House Reacted, and One Time He Didn't
Summary: Different ways House might react if Kutner kills himself. This is all dialogue and, obviously, all speculation and completely depressing to even think about. Inspired by this morning's brief discussion with californiaquail, so go read her wonderful Even the Hopeful.
1.
“House, you shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Heart looks good.”
“You know him. You shouldn’t…”
“Apparently, I don’t. Didn’t.”
“Fine. You wanna make this about you? Fine. What would you learn about him if his heart had been damaged? He killed himself, House.”
“File says he was on Lipitor. Probably had a family history of heart disease. He might have known he was dying. Decided to take the shortcut.”
“Right.”
“Brain next. More likely he had a tumor, impaired his judgment.”
“House. You can’t…did you even get permission from his parents?”
“It has to be organic.”
“Why? Why?”
“Because it doesn’t make any sense!”
“And you want a medical mystery to solve.”
“Fuck you. It’s not about that.”
“Except it is! Or else why would you be doing this, House? It’s…you know him. You shouldn’t have his heart in your hands.”
“Right. I shouldn’t. Because he shouldn’t be dead.”
“And you need to know why.”
“Yeah.”
“So you know what you missed? House, this isn’t your fault.”
“Of course it is, Wilson. Why can’t you ever just…why can’t you ever see that? Either I missed symptoms of some neurological disorder or I just missed him. I should have seen this coming.”
“You can’t save everyone.”
“No shit. Hand me the Stryker saw.”
“House -.”
“God damn it. I should have seen this! But he was…”
“What? Happy?”
“Normal! He was…I thought he was safe. Thirteen and Taub…I had my eye on them. I would have been…I thought he was ok. Jesus. What the hell did he do?”
“House.”
“No. Really. Who the hell goes home, eats a bowl of Frankenberry cereal, watches Battlestar Galactica and ends the evening by slitting his wrists?”
“You should go home. Let someone else do this.”
“No one else will do this.”
“House.”
“Just go home, Wilson.”
“Let me know if you find anything?”
“Sure.”
2.
“Our son said it was an honor, working for you.”
“Your son was an idiot.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“And I’m not talking about the time he set a patient on fire, or the time he electrocuted himself, or even the stupid sci-fi references and superstitions.”
“Dr. House -.”
“He should have recognized a toxin when he saw it.”
“Toxin? I don’t…I don’t understand. Dr. Foreman said it was…are you saying he didn’t do this to himself?”
“No. Yes. I’m…sorry. I’m so sorry.”
3.
“You keep running out of fellows.”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know. But I am.”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“Never is.”
“Wilson forgave me. For you. Even he said it wasn’t my fault.”
“How is James?”
“You’re an hallucination. You shouldn’t care.”
“You care.”
“Why are you here? I’d have thought my Ghost of Christmas Past would have been upgraded by now.”
“You can’t be part of that story.”
“Why not?”
“You’d need a Ghost of Christmas Future.”
“I’m not going to kill myself.”
“You should.”
“What? Why?”
“Do you really have to ask me that?”
“Maybe not. But what should be and what is don’t always match up. Obviously.”
“How would you do it?”
“Off myself?”
“The gun Stacy made you buy after that break-in? The hunting knife your father gave you after you killed your first and only deer? The morphine in your lock box? Which one would cause hallucinations?”
“What?”
“You still have some time. You should leave him a note. Tell him I said hi.”
4.
“How are you guys?”
“Um…what?”
“You move in together yet?”
“…Yes.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Fine. What do you -?”
“How’s life in the ER?”
“Busy.”
“And in the OR?”
“Busy.”
“Look, I’m trying here, ok, so you can give me more than one word answers. I think my system can handle a few minutes of polite conversation with old…friends.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“Yeah. No offense, House, but on you, caring is creepy.”
“God. Right. But maybe you didn’t hear that Kutner offed himself last week. Which I totally didn’t see coming, and maybe could have prevented if I’d had a conversation with him that was deeper than ‘you’re an idiot, now go check on the patient’. And while you two don’t seem the type to down a bottle of Drano, neither did he and I obviously missed something pretty fucking huge on that score. So tell me about your goddamn dreams, hopes, and aspirations so I don’t find myself digging matching bullets out of your pretty blonde heads in a fucking autopsy!”
5.
“He had a killer game system.”
“Is that…did you steal that?”
“His mom brought over some of his things to the office. Something about donating them to the Peds ward.”
“And instead they end up in your apartment.”
“I wanted something to remember him by.”
“Right.”
“Hey, I picked more than some awesome electronics. There’s a whole box load of stuff over there.”
“Are these…Mrs. Kutner was going to donate his baby teeth to the hospital?!”
“Ok, those I may have stolen.”
“Why?”
“They’re weird. I like weird.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Seriously, though. His mom wouldn’t have saved those. His parents were killed when he was six. He spent a year in foster care before being adopted. That means, out of all the stuff he saved from his old life, he picked his baby teeth, Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, and a statue of Brahma. Growth, humor, creation and wisdom. It’s interesting.”
“You said it was weird.”
“And it’s not? The man kept those things in a vintage G.I. Joe lunchbox. He had a poster of Yoda on his wall. He had an aversion to guns (and before you ask, yes, I did read his blog). And he shot himself.”
“And you don’t know why, so you’re…keeping his baby teeth?”
“Did I say that?”
“Wait. You do know why?”
“He left a note.”
“Taub said the police found nothing.”
“Cops in this town are idiots.”
“Right. So, he left a note?”
“There was a post-it on his fridge.”
“What did it say?”
“Dybbuk.”
“And…what? Are you going to tell me what that means?”
“You’re a lousy Jew.”
“Ok. Other than that.”
“It means…I wasn’t completely wrong about him. It means he was a superstitious idiot right until the end. And he didn’t give up hope.”
6.
“So this is how you’re going to deal with it. By ignoring it.”
“Nothing to deal with. He was my fellow, and now he’s not.”
“And the world still turns.”
“Yep.”
“And you’re going to sit here and act like this has nothing to do with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You think this was my fault?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“What are you saying?”
“You need to…react. I know you and Kutner weren’t friends, per se, but you liked him and he’s dead and…you can’t just go on like nothing happened.”
“This is what we do.”
“What…no, this is what you do, House. You pretend nothing can touch you because you’re scared you won’t know how to deal with it when -.”
“No, this is what we do. Don’t you get it? Nobody changes! The world doesn’t stop! Look at you. You suffered a profound loss. You took a walk, you grieved, and now you’re right back where you started, dating some needy intern and standing here lecturing me about my feelings. Look at Danny. Lost, found, and lost again. People don’t change, Wilson, so why the hell should I try acting any different.”
“You’re really something, you know that?”
“Yeah. And I can sit here thinking that I should have figured out what he was going to do and stopped it or that I should have been nicer to him so it wouldn’t have come to that point. Either scenario ends with me sitting on my ass, so I’d rather just do my job and not dwell on things I can’t change.”
“Or you could work on the things you can change. Go…be a better doctor. Or boss. Or human being.”
“Or be a better friend?”
“This is not about me.”
“No, it’s not. And it’s not even about me. So I don’t need lessons in Grieving 101. And I don’t need to make superficial changes to my personality that you know won’t stick. I know you think that I’m self-absorbed, but the world does not revolve around me. Acting like I care about Chase and Cameron’s romance, or Foreman and Thirteen’s melodrama, Taub’s money woes or Cuddy’s many issues is not going to change the fact that Kutner is dead. Hell, actually caring about those things won’t change that fact. So, yeah, dealing with the reality that this is just another Monday is, in my medical opinion, the best reaction there is. And it’s the only one that makes sense.”
Rating: T
Pairing: Gen
Summary: Speculation for Season Five finale, based on spoilers. Fuller title and summary behind the cut, so spoilerphobes beware.
Title: Five Times House Reacted, and One Time He Didn't
Summary: Different ways House might react if Kutner kills himself. This is all dialogue and, obviously, all speculation and completely depressing to even think about. Inspired by this morning's brief discussion with californiaquail, so go read her wonderful Even the Hopeful.
1.
“House, you shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Heart looks good.”
“You know him. You shouldn’t…”
“Apparently, I don’t. Didn’t.”
“Fine. You wanna make this about you? Fine. What would you learn about him if his heart had been damaged? He killed himself, House.”
“File says he was on Lipitor. Probably had a family history of heart disease. He might have known he was dying. Decided to take the shortcut.”
“Right.”
“Brain next. More likely he had a tumor, impaired his judgment.”
“House. You can’t…did you even get permission from his parents?”
“It has to be organic.”
“Why? Why?”
“Because it doesn’t make any sense!”
“And you want a medical mystery to solve.”
“Fuck you. It’s not about that.”
“Except it is! Or else why would you be doing this, House? It’s…you know him. You shouldn’t have his heart in your hands.”
“Right. I shouldn’t. Because he shouldn’t be dead.”
“And you need to know why.”
“Yeah.”
“So you know what you missed? House, this isn’t your fault.”
“Of course it is, Wilson. Why can’t you ever just…why can’t you ever see that? Either I missed symptoms of some neurological disorder or I just missed him. I should have seen this coming.”
“You can’t save everyone.”
“No shit. Hand me the Stryker saw.”
“House -.”
“God damn it. I should have seen this! But he was…”
“What? Happy?”
“Normal! He was…I thought he was safe. Thirteen and Taub…I had my eye on them. I would have been…I thought he was ok. Jesus. What the hell did he do?”
“House.”
“No. Really. Who the hell goes home, eats a bowl of Frankenberry cereal, watches Battlestar Galactica and ends the evening by slitting his wrists?”
“You should go home. Let someone else do this.”
“No one else will do this.”
“House.”
“Just go home, Wilson.”
“Let me know if you find anything?”
“Sure.”
2.
“Our son said it was an honor, working for you.”
“Your son was an idiot.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“And I’m not talking about the time he set a patient on fire, or the time he electrocuted himself, or even the stupid sci-fi references and superstitions.”
“Dr. House -.”
“He should have recognized a toxin when he saw it.”
“Toxin? I don’t…I don’t understand. Dr. Foreman said it was…are you saying he didn’t do this to himself?”
“No. Yes. I’m…sorry. I’m so sorry.”
3.
“You keep running out of fellows.”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know. But I am.”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“Never is.”
“Wilson forgave me. For you. Even he said it wasn’t my fault.”
“How is James?”
“You’re an hallucination. You shouldn’t care.”
“You care.”
“Why are you here? I’d have thought my Ghost of Christmas Past would have been upgraded by now.”
“You can’t be part of that story.”
“Why not?”
“You’d need a Ghost of Christmas Future.”
“I’m not going to kill myself.”
“You should.”
“What? Why?”
“Do you really have to ask me that?”
“Maybe not. But what should be and what is don’t always match up. Obviously.”
“How would you do it?”
“Off myself?”
“The gun Stacy made you buy after that break-in? The hunting knife your father gave you after you killed your first and only deer? The morphine in your lock box? Which one would cause hallucinations?”
“What?”
“You still have some time. You should leave him a note. Tell him I said hi.”
4.
“How are you guys?”
“Um…what?”
“You move in together yet?”
“…Yes.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Fine. What do you -?”
“How’s life in the ER?”
“Busy.”
“And in the OR?”
“Busy.”
“Look, I’m trying here, ok, so you can give me more than one word answers. I think my system can handle a few minutes of polite conversation with old…friends.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“Yeah. No offense, House, but on you, caring is creepy.”
“God. Right. But maybe you didn’t hear that Kutner offed himself last week. Which I totally didn’t see coming, and maybe could have prevented if I’d had a conversation with him that was deeper than ‘you’re an idiot, now go check on the patient’. And while you two don’t seem the type to down a bottle of Drano, neither did he and I obviously missed something pretty fucking huge on that score. So tell me about your goddamn dreams, hopes, and aspirations so I don’t find myself digging matching bullets out of your pretty blonde heads in a fucking autopsy!”
5.
“He had a killer game system.”
“Is that…did you steal that?”
“His mom brought over some of his things to the office. Something about donating them to the Peds ward.”
“And instead they end up in your apartment.”
“I wanted something to remember him by.”
“Right.”
“Hey, I picked more than some awesome electronics. There’s a whole box load of stuff over there.”
“Are these…Mrs. Kutner was going to donate his baby teeth to the hospital?!”
“Ok, those I may have stolen.”
“Why?”
“They’re weird. I like weird.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Seriously, though. His mom wouldn’t have saved those. His parents were killed when he was six. He spent a year in foster care before being adopted. That means, out of all the stuff he saved from his old life, he picked his baby teeth, Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, and a statue of Brahma. Growth, humor, creation and wisdom. It’s interesting.”
“You said it was weird.”
“And it’s not? The man kept those things in a vintage G.I. Joe lunchbox. He had a poster of Yoda on his wall. He had an aversion to guns (and before you ask, yes, I did read his blog). And he shot himself.”
“And you don’t know why, so you’re…keeping his baby teeth?”
“Did I say that?”
“Wait. You do know why?”
“He left a note.”
“Taub said the police found nothing.”
“Cops in this town are idiots.”
“Right. So, he left a note?”
“There was a post-it on his fridge.”
“What did it say?”
“Dybbuk.”
“And…what? Are you going to tell me what that means?”
“You’re a lousy Jew.”
“Ok. Other than that.”
“It means…I wasn’t completely wrong about him. It means he was a superstitious idiot right until the end. And he didn’t give up hope.”
6.
“So this is how you’re going to deal with it. By ignoring it.”
“Nothing to deal with. He was my fellow, and now he’s not.”
“And the world still turns.”
“Yep.”
“And you’re going to sit here and act like this has nothing to do with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You think this was my fault?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“What are you saying?”
“You need to…react. I know you and Kutner weren’t friends, per se, but you liked him and he’s dead and…you can’t just go on like nothing happened.”
“This is what we do.”
“What…no, this is what you do, House. You pretend nothing can touch you because you’re scared you won’t know how to deal with it when -.”
“No, this is what we do. Don’t you get it? Nobody changes! The world doesn’t stop! Look at you. You suffered a profound loss. You took a walk, you grieved, and now you’re right back where you started, dating some needy intern and standing here lecturing me about my feelings. Look at Danny. Lost, found, and lost again. People don’t change, Wilson, so why the hell should I try acting any different.”
“You’re really something, you know that?”
“Yeah. And I can sit here thinking that I should have figured out what he was going to do and stopped it or that I should have been nicer to him so it wouldn’t have come to that point. Either scenario ends with me sitting on my ass, so I’d rather just do my job and not dwell on things I can’t change.”
“Or you could work on the things you can change. Go…be a better doctor. Or boss. Or human being.”
“Or be a better friend?”
“This is not about me.”
“No, it’s not. And it’s not even about me. So I don’t need lessons in Grieving 101. And I don’t need to make superficial changes to my personality that you know won’t stick. I know you think that I’m self-absorbed, but the world does not revolve around me. Acting like I care about Chase and Cameron’s romance, or Foreman and Thirteen’s melodrama, Taub’s money woes or Cuddy’s many issues is not going to change the fact that Kutner is dead. Hell, actually caring about those things won’t change that fact. So, yeah, dealing with the reality that this is just another Monday is, in my medical opinion, the best reaction there is. And it’s the only one that makes sense.”