Not Just Any Crazy
I don't want a relationship. I have two major insecurities right now: my physical appearance and the instability of my place in life. There, I've said it. And, yes, these are things that I am improving on every day, but I've yet to reach a tangible place where I feel like I can delve into the emotional baggage I have yet to work on.
With that said, however, I want DC. I don't want a traditional commitment from him, but after this many years, I am craving to deepen our connection. I want him. "You're the constant in my life." And he's been mine. Through all of the breakups, and makeups, and one night stands, he's been the man in the back of my mind.
But I think I'm asking too much of myself. I'm asking too much of him, without willing to give anything in return. My insecurities will keep him at arms length physically, so why am I pressing for emotional closeness?
I recognize the signs though. I feel so much when he's in my life, when I talk to him. I love that he calls me, that he makes a little time for me, because it means that he thinks of me. And whereas I have no idea what those thoughts are, I'm addicted and the withdrawals are driving me crazy. Because I want more.
With that said, however, I want DC. I don't want a traditional commitment from him, but after this many years, I am craving to deepen our connection. I want him. "You're the constant in my life." And he's been mine. Through all of the breakups, and makeups, and one night stands, he's been the man in the back of my mind.
But I think I'm asking too much of myself. I'm asking too much of him, without willing to give anything in return. My insecurities will keep him at arms length physically, so why am I pressing for emotional closeness?
I recognize the signs though. I feel so much when he's in my life, when I talk to him. I love that he calls me, that he makes a little time for me, because it means that he thinks of me. And whereas I have no idea what those thoughts are, I'm addicted and the withdrawals are driving me crazy. Because I want more.