After the euphoria...
... comes doubt. Lots and lots of doubt. Not to mention fear.
I haven't been this afraid of anything in a long time. What if I was too straight forward? What if I was too pushy? What if everything goes wrong?
I hate those what ifs.
My whole eating habits are fucked up. All I had from Monday to Friday was lunch. No breakfast, no dinner. Couldn't eat. Just lunch, because otherwise I would have broken down.
Had to buy some Chicken Sate for dinner tonight.
Spent the late afternoon in hospital with a co-worker, who had a breakdown in the office. She's all better now, but all of the girls were running around like headless chicken and I was the only one keeping her cool. The ambulance brought her to the clinic, while I drove her car there.
Did I mention, that I'm terrible afraid?
Then I started something at work on Thursday, with what I'm not sure how to deal with. We have huge problems with the data migration to a new database. Yesterday morning I briefed the project leader, in the afternoon we had a telephone conference about it with all the involved parties. Afterwards the project leader told me to figure out if we need some specialist from the US over here in Germany.
This morning I tried to upload the latest data and when all went to hell after this, I finally had enough of all the bullshit. 6 weeks of struggling through this and waiting for some input are enough even for me.
So yes, I decided we need them here. Still can't wrap my mind around the fact that I actually did... You know, I'm the temp worker and the whole issue has a huge monetary impact, so this should have been the project leaders decision. Either he trusts me that much or he has lost his mind completely. Maybe both.
Because I have lost my mind last weekend and it doesn't look like I'm getting it back anytime soon.
Right, I'm off to sleep, then more worrying. Tomorrow Jörn will visit and we might have a nice evening. Keeps my mind off things. That's good.
Mustn't think. Mustn't worry. Mustn't be afraid.
No doubt, please. No doubt.
I haven't been this afraid of anything in a long time. What if I was too straight forward? What if I was too pushy? What if everything goes wrong?
I hate those what ifs.
My whole eating habits are fucked up. All I had from Monday to Friday was lunch. No breakfast, no dinner. Couldn't eat. Just lunch, because otherwise I would have broken down.
Had to buy some Chicken Sate for dinner tonight.
Spent the late afternoon in hospital with a co-worker, who had a breakdown in the office. She's all better now, but all of the girls were running around like headless chicken and I was the only one keeping her cool. The ambulance brought her to the clinic, while I drove her car there.
Did I mention, that I'm terrible afraid?
Then I started something at work on Thursday, with what I'm not sure how to deal with. We have huge problems with the data migration to a new database. Yesterday morning I briefed the project leader, in the afternoon we had a telephone conference about it with all the involved parties. Afterwards the project leader told me to figure out if we need some specialist from the US over here in Germany.
This morning I tried to upload the latest data and when all went to hell after this, I finally had enough of all the bullshit. 6 weeks of struggling through this and waiting for some input are enough even for me.
So yes, I decided we need them here. Still can't wrap my mind around the fact that I actually did... You know, I'm the temp worker and the whole issue has a huge monetary impact, so this should have been the project leaders decision. Either he trusts me that much or he has lost his mind completely. Maybe both.
Because I have lost my mind last weekend and it doesn't look like I'm getting it back anytime soon.
Right, I'm off to sleep, then more worrying. Tomorrow Jörn will visit and we might have a nice evening. Keeps my mind off things. That's good.
Mustn't think. Mustn't worry. Mustn't be afraid.
No doubt, please. No doubt.