Finally
A moment of not being busy...and when I say that I mean it. The sky is falling here at work and I'm about at my limit. I don't understand what they expect us to do with half a system that they didn't teach us while we're getting more shipments than ever before in.
I'm just trying to take it very, very calmly and remain focused but it's impossible to not feel hopeless with this mess in front of me. We can't do it. And no amount of positive thinking is going to change that. Even Chan told us, "We're just standing by to fail." Even our warehouse manager knows it's impossible.
I guess we just have to struggle with this until the warehouse goes under or they change us back. I don't know what else to do.
Anyway, on to other subjects? I don't know. I really haven't done much other than work the past few weeks. And I had the day off the other night and I really felt completely lost on what to do lol. I'm so used to working that that's really all I think about doing. And I swear I'll go nuts if I don't get to keep my job. It's frustrating as hell, but on the same token I like it. Or rather...I -liked- it.
I don't know, I just feel depressed. Just a couple of weeks ago I felt like a new person, a new lease on life. I was going out, getting to know new people, I was socialble and I felt like people enjoyed my company. I felt good about who I am. Now I'm starting to question all that again. I feel rotten, to be honest. Why do I hate myself so much? I don't even do anything.
I had plans, but they all involved just dreams about tuning a track car and getting good at racing. I couldn't ever do it professionally because of my eyes, and I don't have the talent, time, or knack for it. So why even bother?
...Because I love it. For the first time in my life I felt I could be passionate about something. Maybe they're right, I should just give up. I don't need a fast car or a track runner. I don't need anything except a way to work.
But...it feels so boring to be without it. I don't understand how someone can look at another's dream and crush it completely just by blowing it off and telling them it's not important. I don't think I could do that to anyone, no matter what their dream is. As long as their dream forces them to improve themselves then it can't be bad, whether they acheive them or not.
I guess my honeymoon is over, I've been slammed with a serious dose of reality and my head is spinning. I'm just standing by to fail and be devestated.
It doesn't matter, I'll keep trying until I'm completely submerged. I don't mind failing, I've done it enough times in my life to know how to pull myself out of it. But I'm not giving up early. And I can't give up on my passions. They're what define me. I can take example from people like Okubo and Ken Gushi. I can take respect and admiration from my friends and I can take a paycheck from work.
I just need a little more time...
I'm just trying to take it very, very calmly and remain focused but it's impossible to not feel hopeless with this mess in front of me. We can't do it. And no amount of positive thinking is going to change that. Even Chan told us, "We're just standing by to fail." Even our warehouse manager knows it's impossible.
I guess we just have to struggle with this until the warehouse goes under or they change us back. I don't know what else to do.
Anyway, on to other subjects? I don't know. I really haven't done much other than work the past few weeks. And I had the day off the other night and I really felt completely lost on what to do lol. I'm so used to working that that's really all I think about doing. And I swear I'll go nuts if I don't get to keep my job. It's frustrating as hell, but on the same token I like it. Or rather...I -liked- it.
I don't know, I just feel depressed. Just a couple of weeks ago I felt like a new person, a new lease on life. I was going out, getting to know new people, I was socialble and I felt like people enjoyed my company. I felt good about who I am. Now I'm starting to question all that again. I feel rotten, to be honest. Why do I hate myself so much? I don't even do anything.
I had plans, but they all involved just dreams about tuning a track car and getting good at racing. I couldn't ever do it professionally because of my eyes, and I don't have the talent, time, or knack for it. So why even bother?
...Because I love it. For the first time in my life I felt I could be passionate about something. Maybe they're right, I should just give up. I don't need a fast car or a track runner. I don't need anything except a way to work.
But...it feels so boring to be without it. I don't understand how someone can look at another's dream and crush it completely just by blowing it off and telling them it's not important. I don't think I could do that to anyone, no matter what their dream is. As long as their dream forces them to improve themselves then it can't be bad, whether they acheive them or not.
I guess my honeymoon is over, I've been slammed with a serious dose of reality and my head is spinning. I'm just standing by to fail and be devestated.
It doesn't matter, I'll keep trying until I'm completely submerged. I don't mind failing, I've done it enough times in my life to know how to pull myself out of it. But I'm not giving up early. And I can't give up on my passions. They're what define me. I can take example from people like Okubo and Ken Gushi. I can take respect and admiration from my friends and I can take a paycheck from work.
I just need a little more time...