(no subject)
I feel alone even with myself
but does it better me
I'd like to tell you how I'm seeing now
but ruins everything
You try to judge me now; tomorrow's okay
You try to tell me now how I should feel
I don't feel like I should be here
I feel alone even with myself
Do you know what I mean
I can't explain those things that seem to repel me
They ruin everything
Your fears are working now, but I don't complain
I'm working hard to listen and that's okay
Don't you know it's not okay to be afraid of me
I hate to tell you but you're in my way
I hate when someone tries to push me away
Don't you know you can't be afraid of me
Giving away all I'm feeling now
Why don't you listen to this heart full of pain
Sounds like complaining but it's hard to refrain
Don't you know you can't be afraid of me
Giving away all I'm feeling now
It's quite amazing how empty and hopeless I feel today. I'm running in circles and I don't see any end in sight for a long time. Things are about to get even more complicated and I'm going to be couped up trying to figure everything out for a couple of weeks at least. *sighs* All this overtime I'm putting in doesn't mean squat. I'm so tired and I'm so drained and I just don't feel anything except miserable right now.
My stupid bank doesn't clear a check for 3 days and because of that now I get 131 dollars in overdraft fucking fees when I can't afford it. I owe $250 on the car and I have $290 in the bank. And I dont' get paid agian for a week and a half. I suppose I could have not paid my phone bill but that woudl have been another $32 in reactivation in a month and all 4 phones would have been shut off >.< If Valerie had just given me the fucking 50 she owed me...if...if...if. I'm sick of all this crap. I just want to quit.
My parents are going to yell again because the bank loves to fucking tattle too. They always send up stupidass forms and junk even though I already paid it. *sighs* I'm more worried about that than I am worried about paying the stupid money.
God dammit, I was doing so well and now it all gets screwed up because I can't count right! FUCK!
*meh* It's times like these I wish I had the commodity of being able to cry because I really feel like it right now. But that won't accomplish anything. I suppose I'll just think of something. I certainly can't drive to work for a week on just 30 dollars. And god knows keeping a low ammount in my bank isn't a good idea.
I'll just try and stall them out for a week on the payment and see if that'll work. Who knows. I'm going to go argue with the bank when I get off work because this is just retarded. I have FOUR overdraft fees when I should really only have one. And fucking 31 dollars for 7 bucks in gas? Jesus CHRIST!
Then again this is all my fault anyway. I spread myself too thin and now I gotta pay. I don't think I'll ever get out of debt unless I just commit myself fully to work and nothing else. I think I might snap today if anyone says anything to me. If my parents start to yell I'll just walk out. I'm already paying for my mistakes, I don't need them stomping on me to boot.
*sighs* I hate this. I'm just going from work and my room from now on.
Well Em, here you go. I'm good and depressed again.
Life is such a bitch...
but does it better me
I'd like to tell you how I'm seeing now
but ruins everything
You try to judge me now; tomorrow's okay
You try to tell me now how I should feel
I don't feel like I should be here
I feel alone even with myself
Do you know what I mean
I can't explain those things that seem to repel me
They ruin everything
Your fears are working now, but I don't complain
I'm working hard to listen and that's okay
Don't you know it's not okay to be afraid of me
I hate to tell you but you're in my way
I hate when someone tries to push me away
Don't you know you can't be afraid of me
Giving away all I'm feeling now
Why don't you listen to this heart full of pain
Sounds like complaining but it's hard to refrain
Don't you know you can't be afraid of me
Giving away all I'm feeling now
It's quite amazing how empty and hopeless I feel today. I'm running in circles and I don't see any end in sight for a long time. Things are about to get even more complicated and I'm going to be couped up trying to figure everything out for a couple of weeks at least. *sighs* All this overtime I'm putting in doesn't mean squat. I'm so tired and I'm so drained and I just don't feel anything except miserable right now.
My stupid bank doesn't clear a check for 3 days and because of that now I get 131 dollars in overdraft fucking fees when I can't afford it. I owe $250 on the car and I have $290 in the bank. And I dont' get paid agian for a week and a half. I suppose I could have not paid my phone bill but that woudl have been another $32 in reactivation in a month and all 4 phones would have been shut off >.< If Valerie had just given me the fucking 50 she owed me...if...if...if. I'm sick of all this crap. I just want to quit.
My parents are going to yell again because the bank loves to fucking tattle too. They always send up stupidass forms and junk even though I already paid it. *sighs* I'm more worried about that than I am worried about paying the stupid money.
God dammit, I was doing so well and now it all gets screwed up because I can't count right! FUCK!
*meh* It's times like these I wish I had the commodity of being able to cry because I really feel like it right now. But that won't accomplish anything. I suppose I'll just think of something. I certainly can't drive to work for a week on just 30 dollars. And god knows keeping a low ammount in my bank isn't a good idea.
I'll just try and stall them out for a week on the payment and see if that'll work. Who knows. I'm going to go argue with the bank when I get off work because this is just retarded. I have FOUR overdraft fees when I should really only have one. And fucking 31 dollars for 7 bucks in gas? Jesus CHRIST!
Then again this is all my fault anyway. I spread myself too thin and now I gotta pay. I don't think I'll ever get out of debt unless I just commit myself fully to work and nothing else. I think I might snap today if anyone says anything to me. If my parents start to yell I'll just walk out. I'm already paying for my mistakes, I don't need them stomping on me to boot.
*sighs* I hate this. I'm just going from work and my room from now on.
Well Em, here you go. I'm good and depressed again.
Life is such a bitch...