For musesandlyrics | 1.29 Dusty Springfield lyrics
1.29. Being good isnt always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin' to me
He'd come and tell me everything is all right
He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right
Can I get away again tonight?
'Son of a Preacher Man' - Dusty Springfield
Co-written with cameronpreston" | Follows THIS & THIS
Isabel hovered in the doorway to Pat's room. She remembered being here before, hovering just like she was now. Only there had been a very different feeling in her stomach. She still hated watching Cameron suffer while Pat was here. She pressed her lips together, and glanced at Aiden in the corner with Harri. Iz stepped back as she felt a surge of nausea, not sure if it was because of the pregnancy, or guilt. She'd just been fucking James while Harri was here taking care of her best friend.
She looked at Cameron again, and sucked in a breath as she walked into Pat's room. She placed her hand his shoulder, and gave it a gentle squeeze. She couldn't do this with Harri here. Not right there so she would hear every word. It was up to James to talk to his girlfriend. Aiden seemed to want to stretch his legs though, and Izzy watched him and Harri leave before taking the empty chair next to Cameron. Pat was asleep, and Izzy watched him. How was she even supposed to have this conversation with Cameron's sick twin right there. It just didn't seem likely that Cameron would leave him.
Iz wet her lips and turned her attention to Cameron. "Have you eaten anything yet?"
Cameron couldn't look at her at first. It was a mere glance before he looked back to Pat. He still couldn't believe they found another small bleed in his brain with the MRI. Through the shock, Lachlan had sat down with Cameron and Pat to explain. Pat had a brain hemorrhage in the past, and would always be at risk of it happening again, though it had been a low risk. Surprisingly, Aiden had been the one to ask a wave of questions while Cameron just sat there in a numb silence and listened. It was a very small bleed, but enough to fuck with Pat's vision. The MS attack didn't cause the bleed, but rather the bleed caused the MS attack. They didn't need to operate this time to stop it, instead Pat was on massive doses of medication to counteract it, which should stop it and lead him to a full recovery. At least, recovery from the bleeding. No one knew yet how his MS would be affected by the set back. The meds were causing Pat to drift in and an out of consciousness. When he was awake, Cameron just made sure Aiden was there. It's how it should be. The biggest development had been Cameron telling Aiden that Izzy was pregnant. The whole thing still left a sick feeling in his gut.
"I'm fine," he eventually answered quietly, his words almost monotone. Did she really just ask him about food? With everything between them like a fucking elephant in the room no one wanted to talk about, she was opting for small talk?
Iz couldn't help asking him about food. She was still worried about him, and Cameron was starting to look pale and tired. She couldn't really fault him, though. She'd spent enough time sitting vigil over James' bedside when he'd fallen into a coma because of his diabetes. Izzy could feel a lump grow in her throat, and looked away. "Fuck, Cam... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better person."
Izzy didn't know about the progression in Pat's condition and right now, Cameron had no plans on telling her. It wasn't going to make any difference, was it? He was here getting the news and she was away fucking her ex. He knew she was, he didn't need her to tell him as much. He could smell him on her. He held up his hand. "Don't. Apologies are for people who actually believe they did something wrong, and that's not you." When he looked at her, his blue eyes had a slightly cold edge to them. Somewhere between telling her to go sleep with James and this point, he had come to the realisation there was no such thing as fucking closure with sex. It was never going to work. He just knew if she did it, she wanted him. Plain and simple, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to be some other bloke's off cast. No, he was He didn't want it. At all.
Iz swallowed down the lump in her throat. She didn't want to cry, not when she was in Pat's room. And not in front of Cameron. It wouldn't make anything easier, or better. It wouldn't make him hate her any less. "I never meant to hurt you, whether you believe me, or not. This was never planned. I'm still--" she shut her mouth before she could finish. Telling him she was still glad she was having his children seemed fucked up. She couldn't think of anything to say to make this better for him.
"Are the babies mine?" Cameron found himself asking, his face almost stony as he watched her now. He waited expectantly for her answer, the anger preventing any other emotion forcing through right now. His conversation with Aiden was fresh in his mind. Despite how it all went down, he now actually felt closer to his brother-in-law than he ever had.
Iz frowned, her self-pity replaced by anger. Her green eyes flashed as she glared at him. "Of course they're yours. You were the only guy I was sleeping with. I didn't--Not until now."
Cameron's expression didn't change as he merely shrugged. "I'll probably be going back to England when Pat's better. I'm sure your family can help you with your predicament."
"My predicament? Yes, I'm sure they can." Iz wrapped her arms around herself and quietly fumed. So now she was in a predicament, was she? She supposed it was fair. Why would Cameron give a shit now he didn't have to be with her? "I hope your knee gets better, and I hope Pat does as well. You'll know where I am if you need anything."
Cameron shook his head. "Don't pretend to care, Isabel. It's a little too late for that. I'll go to someone who actually can help me, rather than fucking around on me when I needed them the most," he said coldly. "You got what you wanted. To the fuck with everyone else, yeah? You can go now."
"I'm not pretending, Cameron. I do care. I'm not going to excuse what I did. I'm sorry it wasn't closure. I'm sorry I fucked up from the get go. I'm sorry I'm not who you deserve. I will still help you if you need anything." Izzy stood up, and leaned down to kiss his temple. "I'll go now, like you want. I'm still a phone call away."
"I'm not going to give you anything to make you feel better so stop fucking expecting it!" Cameron exploded with a shout before he could stop it. "It's all been fucking lies from the get go! You can't be in love with two people, and you're fucking deluded for thinking you can! You didn't fuck up from the get go because I never had a friggen look in! Now you're pregnant and you can raise them with him like you always wanted! Live happily ever after! At least one of us will!"
Iz flinched, the lump in her throat breaking as Cameron shouted. She still wanted to think she could be in love with two people, because she had cared about Cameron. She'd cared about him a lot, and breaking his heart like this was killing her. It just killed her more to be away from James and have to try and live without him. She bit down on her lip, not wanting to yell back and wake Pat up. "It's not about raising them with him. It's not about living happily ever after, either. It's about loving someone so much you can't live without them no matter how hard you try. I hate this. I hate that I fucked up, and I did fuck up. I wanted to be over him. I'm just not. And I'm sorry."
Cameron pointed furiously at Pat. "My brother is bleeding in his brain! I don't fucking care, Isabel! Just go! Nothing you say is going to fix this, so just go, be with him! You know who I feel sorry for here? Harri and her son! And no one fucking else! You and James made your bed, now you can fucking lie in it."
"He's what?" Izzy stared at Cameron, then looked at Pat. "He's bleeding in his brain?"
"WHAT DO YOU CARE?!" Cameron cried, his face heating up from the anger. He had to force himself to lower his voice and swallow back more angry words. His hands had balled into clenched fists and his breathing was shallow. He wanted to yell at her and tell her how much he didn't like her right at that moment. How furious he was for her stringing him along when it felt like his whole world was falling apart. But he was in a hospital, he was at his brother's sick bed. Pat deserved better than this. "It's a little too late for guilt."
"It's not fucking guilt!" Izzy spat out. She pushed her fingers through her hair and sighed in frustration. "I do fucking care. I care a lot, and I'm sorry you hate me right now. I'll leave you alone. I really do hope Pat gets better." She wanted to say something more, but couldn't. Izzy glanced around the hospital room, wishing like hell she had never let it get this far. Wishing she could have moved on cleanly from James and not felt this urge to go back to him. She wanted to be here for Cameron, but there was no way he'd let her stay. She just glanced back at him, and pressed her lips together. It wasn't like she could smile, or give him a wave. It was all so fucked up.
Cameron looked at her briefly, his face expressionless, before turning back to Pat, his back to her. He had no more words for her, none. Any that were there a few moments ago were gone. He couldn't even look at her now. That full body pain was setting again, starting in his chest. He reached for Pat's hand, his own shaking from probably anger but he couldn't be sure anymore. He just wanted all this shit to be over with. The sooner he got back home to England, the better.
Words: 1754 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin' to me
He'd come and tell me everything is all right
He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right
Can I get away again tonight?
'Son of a Preacher Man' - Dusty Springfield
Co-written with cameronpreston" | Follows THIS & THIS
Isabel hovered in the doorway to Pat's room. She remembered being here before, hovering just like she was now. Only there had been a very different feeling in her stomach. She still hated watching Cameron suffer while Pat was here. She pressed her lips together, and glanced at Aiden in the corner with Harri. Iz stepped back as she felt a surge of nausea, not sure if it was because of the pregnancy, or guilt. She'd just been fucking James while Harri was here taking care of her best friend.
She looked at Cameron again, and sucked in a breath as she walked into Pat's room. She placed her hand his shoulder, and gave it a gentle squeeze. She couldn't do this with Harri here. Not right there so she would hear every word. It was up to James to talk to his girlfriend. Aiden seemed to want to stretch his legs though, and Izzy watched him and Harri leave before taking the empty chair next to Cameron. Pat was asleep, and Izzy watched him. How was she even supposed to have this conversation with Cameron's sick twin right there. It just didn't seem likely that Cameron would leave him.
Iz wet her lips and turned her attention to Cameron. "Have you eaten anything yet?"
Cameron couldn't look at her at first. It was a mere glance before he looked back to Pat. He still couldn't believe they found another small bleed in his brain with the MRI. Through the shock, Lachlan had sat down with Cameron and Pat to explain. Pat had a brain hemorrhage in the past, and would always be at risk of it happening again, though it had been a low risk. Surprisingly, Aiden had been the one to ask a wave of questions while Cameron just sat there in a numb silence and listened. It was a very small bleed, but enough to fuck with Pat's vision. The MS attack didn't cause the bleed, but rather the bleed caused the MS attack. They didn't need to operate this time to stop it, instead Pat was on massive doses of medication to counteract it, which should stop it and lead him to a full recovery. At least, recovery from the bleeding. No one knew yet how his MS would be affected by the set back. The meds were causing Pat to drift in and an out of consciousness. When he was awake, Cameron just made sure Aiden was there. It's how it should be. The biggest development had been Cameron telling Aiden that Izzy was pregnant. The whole thing still left a sick feeling in his gut.
"I'm fine," he eventually answered quietly, his words almost monotone. Did she really just ask him about food? With everything between them like a fucking elephant in the room no one wanted to talk about, she was opting for small talk?
Iz couldn't help asking him about food. She was still worried about him, and Cameron was starting to look pale and tired. She couldn't really fault him, though. She'd spent enough time sitting vigil over James' bedside when he'd fallen into a coma because of his diabetes. Izzy could feel a lump grow in her throat, and looked away. "Fuck, Cam... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better person."
Izzy didn't know about the progression in Pat's condition and right now, Cameron had no plans on telling her. It wasn't going to make any difference, was it? He was here getting the news and she was away fucking her ex. He knew she was, he didn't need her to tell him as much. He could smell him on her. He held up his hand. "Don't. Apologies are for people who actually believe they did something wrong, and that's not you." When he looked at her, his blue eyes had a slightly cold edge to them. Somewhere between telling her to go sleep with James and this point, he had come to the realisation there was no such thing as fucking closure with sex. It was never going to work. He just knew if she did it, she wanted him. Plain and simple, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to be some other bloke's off cast. No, he was He didn't want it. At all.
Iz swallowed down the lump in her throat. She didn't want to cry, not when she was in Pat's room. And not in front of Cameron. It wouldn't make anything easier, or better. It wouldn't make him hate her any less. "I never meant to hurt you, whether you believe me, or not. This was never planned. I'm still--" she shut her mouth before she could finish. Telling him she was still glad she was having his children seemed fucked up. She couldn't think of anything to say to make this better for him.
"Are the babies mine?" Cameron found himself asking, his face almost stony as he watched her now. He waited expectantly for her answer, the anger preventing any other emotion forcing through right now. His conversation with Aiden was fresh in his mind. Despite how it all went down, he now actually felt closer to his brother-in-law than he ever had.
Iz frowned, her self-pity replaced by anger. Her green eyes flashed as she glared at him. "Of course they're yours. You were the only guy I was sleeping with. I didn't--Not until now."
Cameron's expression didn't change as he merely shrugged. "I'll probably be going back to England when Pat's better. I'm sure your family can help you with your predicament."
"My predicament? Yes, I'm sure they can." Iz wrapped her arms around herself and quietly fumed. So now she was in a predicament, was she? She supposed it was fair. Why would Cameron give a shit now he didn't have to be with her? "I hope your knee gets better, and I hope Pat does as well. You'll know where I am if you need anything."
Cameron shook his head. "Don't pretend to care, Isabel. It's a little too late for that. I'll go to someone who actually can help me, rather than fucking around on me when I needed them the most," he said coldly. "You got what you wanted. To the fuck with everyone else, yeah? You can go now."
"I'm not pretending, Cameron. I do care. I'm not going to excuse what I did. I'm sorry it wasn't closure. I'm sorry I fucked up from the get go. I'm sorry I'm not who you deserve. I will still help you if you need anything." Izzy stood up, and leaned down to kiss his temple. "I'll go now, like you want. I'm still a phone call away."
"I'm not going to give you anything to make you feel better so stop fucking expecting it!" Cameron exploded with a shout before he could stop it. "It's all been fucking lies from the get go! You can't be in love with two people, and you're fucking deluded for thinking you can! You didn't fuck up from the get go because I never had a friggen look in! Now you're pregnant and you can raise them with him like you always wanted! Live happily ever after! At least one of us will!"
Iz flinched, the lump in her throat breaking as Cameron shouted. She still wanted to think she could be in love with two people, because she had cared about Cameron. She'd cared about him a lot, and breaking his heart like this was killing her. It just killed her more to be away from James and have to try and live without him. She bit down on her lip, not wanting to yell back and wake Pat up. "It's not about raising them with him. It's not about living happily ever after, either. It's about loving someone so much you can't live without them no matter how hard you try. I hate this. I hate that I fucked up, and I did fuck up. I wanted to be over him. I'm just not. And I'm sorry."
Cameron pointed furiously at Pat. "My brother is bleeding in his brain! I don't fucking care, Isabel! Just go! Nothing you say is going to fix this, so just go, be with him! You know who I feel sorry for here? Harri and her son! And no one fucking else! You and James made your bed, now you can fucking lie in it."
"He's what?" Izzy stared at Cameron, then looked at Pat. "He's bleeding in his brain?"
"WHAT DO YOU CARE?!" Cameron cried, his face heating up from the anger. He had to force himself to lower his voice and swallow back more angry words. His hands had balled into clenched fists and his breathing was shallow. He wanted to yell at her and tell her how much he didn't like her right at that moment. How furious he was for her stringing him along when it felt like his whole world was falling apart. But he was in a hospital, he was at his brother's sick bed. Pat deserved better than this. "It's a little too late for guilt."
"It's not fucking guilt!" Izzy spat out. She pushed her fingers through her hair and sighed in frustration. "I do fucking care. I care a lot, and I'm sorry you hate me right now. I'll leave you alone. I really do hope Pat gets better." She wanted to say something more, but couldn't. Izzy glanced around the hospital room, wishing like hell she had never let it get this far. Wishing she could have moved on cleanly from James and not felt this urge to go back to him. She wanted to be here for Cameron, but there was no way he'd let her stay. She just glanced back at him, and pressed her lips together. It wasn't like she could smile, or give him a wave. It was all so fucked up.
Cameron looked at her briefly, his face expressionless, before turning back to Pat, his back to her. He had no more words for her, none. Any that were there a few moments ago were gone. He couldn't even look at her now. That full body pain was setting again, starting in his chest. He reached for Pat's hand, his own shaking from probably anger but he couldn't be sure anymore. He just wanted all this shit to be over with. The sooner he got back home to England, the better.
Words: 1754 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse