For muses_w_remotes | 13.4 Dirty Dancing
13.4. “Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.”
| Dirty Dancing
Co-written with cameronpreston | Follows THIS
Cameron had no way of really knowing how long he had been asleep. It felt like years. He also would have had no way of knowing Pat and Aiden weren't at the hospital because Pat was showing symptoms himself and somehow needed to rest before he landed himself in the bed beside his brother. Aiden had requested the staff call them at Cameron's apartment the minute Cameron was awake and that was how Cameron came to have a Post-It note in Pat's handwriting stuck to the back of one of his hand that he could read when he woke up. That all wouldn't become evident when Cameron actually dragged himself back to consciousness. Again.
This time it was much slower and felt more like a natural waking. The last thing he really remembered was Pat standing over him telling him it would be okay. He had that Look. The Pat Look. Cameron had seen it so many times when Lachlan was shot. The helpless worry never could evade Pat's soft features. Cameron opened his eyes slowly, wetting his dry lips and trying to move carefully. He vaguely remembered Pat telling him not to move so much or something. He could feel hands around one of his, but they weren't Pat's. He just knew that for some reason. It took a few moments to focus and he thought he was dreaming at first. Why would Izzy be sitting beside him in Liverpool? "You've changed your hair, Patto..." he said hoarsely with a faint, weak smirk.
Iz started at the voice, her eyes focused elsewhere as she'd entered a state somewhere between daydreaming, and meditation. She smiled instantly at the sound of Cameron's voice, and met his gaze. "Got some breasts as well, but I don't suppose you're into incest. Too bad, because they're a lot of fun."
Cameron laughed just a little, anything more making him aware of the pain. "See, now I just know you aren't Patto. He doesn't know how to take off a bra," he joked. He blinked slowly, smiling as he looked over her face. "What are you doing here? Where am I even? Did they take me to New York mid-surgery or something? Or did I dream Pat being here too?"
She gave him a warm smile as she leaned in to kiss his forehead, her hands tightening their grip around his to let him know she wasn't a dream. "You're in Liverpool. No unscheduled trip to New York. Pat was here, he's staying at your apartment with Aiden. I... called in a favour to get here. I was watching your game and I just had to come. Your brother was kind enough to let me stay here by your side. I'm sorry if I've taken any kind of liberty, or if I'm not who you wanted to see."
"No, not at all..." Cameron assured her, putting his hand up to tentatively touch his head where he hit it. Luckily the Post-It caught his eye and stopped him prodding the injured area. His forehead creased in confusion and he carefully peeled the note off his hand. His vision was a bit blurry from the head injury, so he had to hold it close to his eyes to read it. Cross-eyed probably wasn't an attractive look, but neither were hospital gowns. He was on a downer from all angles. Pat's note promised he would be back soon, warned him not to try getting out of bed or to hit on any hot nurses. Cameron smirked but then felt that guilt clench in his gut again. There was a lot to resolve between them still. He looked back to Izzy, blinking to focus on her. "I just didn't expect you here. You met Pat?"
She nodded, watching him carefully to see if he was okay. At least he remembered her, and didn't seem to have any memory damage. That was a positive sign with a head injury. "Yes. He's lovely... After he checked the phone number you'd written down for me. Good thing I had the secret password on me, otherwise I might have been sent back to New York and considered a crazy stalker."
"Probably," Cameron agreed in amusement. "My family are protective. They're not for the faint-hearted, to say the least. And you have Pat leading the cavalry every time. Not that I deserve it. I remember him being here, and he was just... I thought I'd dreamt it. Was kind of hoping the whole thing was a horrible dream. Only, that wouldn't make sense because meeting you didn't feel like part of a nightmare."
"Likewise. But we're kismet, remember? Apparently we were destined to be each other's bright spot. I just haven't been able to stop thinking about you, which has been... good, actually. It kept reminding me that I could have a future if I wanted. Not that you have to be a part of it! I mean, fuck, I'm not trying to pressure you while you're in hospital it's just... well, it's a long story that can wait until you're better. I'm just glad you're awake." Iz took a breath and tried to get a handle on her rambling. "Pat was convinced you wouldn't want him here once you got past your drugged up haze."
Cameron's head was hurting and he felt mildly sick. He also recalled Pat warning him about both of those. The thing was, he had very little memory of the actual accident on the field, just a sensation that he had been hurt at the game. He rested his head back against the starchy pillow, slowly following what she was saying. "I need him," he murmured. "I was a wanker. I should've just been happy for him. Aiden's a really fantastic guy. When he started dating Pat, he... Pat ended up in hospital. For a long time. Aiden nursed him, no holds barred. Why would I be selfish and self-centred to deny Pat that? That's the reason he got married. Because he might not be well enough to see through a long-planned wedding. I screwed things up and I was stupid." He closed his eyes briefly. "And I need to learn to stop offloading on you. You're just really easy to talk to. I apologise."
"Don't apologise," Izzy chastised him quietly, her green eyes sweeping over his face. "It's what I'm here for. I like that you can offload on me. It's what... it's what friends and stuff are for." She ducked her head as she rubbed her hand up his arm where he wasn't hurt and shifted in her seat slightly. They weren't dating, so she supposed friends was the proper term to use. "You wanted to see for yourself that he would be happy, and I understand that. Maybe you could have handled it better, but you reacted with your gut. You can make it all up to him now... He's going to be here regardless. He's your brother."
"Something's off with him. I hope it's just the fight." Cameron tucked the Post-It into the palm of his free hand. When he looked at her, his forehead creased a little and he laughed softly. "I think it's great you're here and it's great to see you again, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact you came from New York to Liverpool. That's a hell of an impromptu trip. Especially when you had all that stuff going on with your friend."
Izzy pressed her lips together. "Me too, but I do know Aiden took him home to rest." She shrugged at his comment and laughed a little herself. "Well, when I choose to do impromptu, I really choose to do impromptu. The second you hit the grass, I just... I felt compelled to be here. I can't really explain it. I had to call in a favour like I said, and it's something I do want to explain to you. It just needs your brain to be working. All my stuff is... I think it's sorted. At least on my side." She lifted his hand as she dipped her head and brushed her lips against the back of his knuckles.
"To rest? Damnit," Cameron cursed softly. He knew what that meant. He could decipher the code. He exhaled heavily, but a bolt of pain shot through his shoulder. He didn't even want to ask about the injuries. Maybe it was karma for being suck a prick to Pat. "Yeah? It's sorted? Your friend's okay and doesn't want you exiled?"
"She will be okay, I hope. We've all had a lot to deal with. She was the one that was watching the game with me. We had a few words, and a bit of a cry. Well, she cried. She's been doing that a lot since the baby was born." Iz frowned a little as she watched Cameron. "What's wrong? Do you want something? Anything?"
"No, I'm cool. Just in a lot of pain. Happy to sit in Delusion Land about the injuries right now," Cameron told her wryly. "Just feeling off. Your friend has a baby? I vaguely remember you mentioning that, I think. It must've been nice to see them. I'm sorry I dragged you away from that. You have to at least let me pay for your flights."
"Do you want me to get a nurse so you can have some pain killers?" Izzy stroked his arm again, and smiled a little. "You still look pretty amazing, even injured. Yes, she does. She's a wonderful mother, but I feel like shit for abandoning her just before Jamie was born. It was nice to see them. I missed Ali so much... I'm glad she's going to take me back. You didn't drag me from anything, I promise. I want to be here. And you can't pay for any flights I didn't pay for. That was my favour. Sort of."
Cameron frowned in confusion. "I'm not following. Apologies for the concussed brain. You had me right up until not paying for flights and I know you didn't get here by ship. You'd be barely out of America, otherwise." He gave his head a slight shake. "I don't want to get reliant on painkillers if I can. I'll strengthen better if I see through the pain. In saying that, all the medical professionals in my family will probably give me the evil eyeball for saying that."
"This would be the part that I wanted to wait to explain," Isabel replied softly. "The favour I called in was from a friend of mine. He has access to a private jet. He was also going to try and help sneak me in, but then your brother and his husband caught us. Apparently my friend is dating Harri. I think they'd be right to give you the evil eyeball. I don't know how you can do it."
Cameron continued to watch her as she explained. "You mean Marc?" he asked, unsure. "The guy that has more secrets than a whole chapter of the Mafia handbook?" His mind was managing to follow somewhat, but it wasn't an easy task. Obviously he hadn't totally lost his mind though, because his eyes suddenly widened and he stared at her. "Please tell me he's not your dead ex. Am I even on the right track here? I remember you saying your ex was FBI. Private jet, you know... not readily available to most average people. I never begrudged Aiden's mortal enemy having his secrets until now. It was always just Pat relaying updates from home to me over the phone, but..." He stopped, floundering a little as he gaped at her, getting a sense he didn't really know her very well at all.
Seeing his expression had the tears stinging the backs of her eyes, but somehow she managed not to cry as she nodded. "I wanted to tell you, but it's supposed to be a secret. For a secret, a lot of people seem to fucking know it. He's Secret Service. Had his death faked so he could start life as Marcus Fraser. He abandoned me for something he believes in very deeply. I'm sorry if... I didn't even know he was alive until Saturday when you were at the wedding. I was... I didn't know what to think, or believe. I'm so sorry, Cameron."
"Does Pat know who you are? Does Aiden?" Cameron asked immediately. What the hell? Marc was married? Aiden already wanted to kill the guy. Cameron didn't profess to know all the ins and outs of that side of Pat's family, but Pat kept him updated. There was certainly no mention of FBI or SS! He distinctly remembered the guy being some CEO of some medical company, which is always why it was amusing to watch Aiden growl and bark at him like a guard dog - no one thought he actually had reason to hate the guy. They just assumed it was over-protectiveness at it's best. He put his hand up to his mouth, still watching her in disbelief. "I didn't know. I guessed. I-I don't know what to say," he said quietly but honestly.
Izzy shook her head. "Marc told them I was an old friend. Which isn't entirely untrue. We're not... He's not really Marcus Fraser. It's his cover. Please, Cameron, you have to understand how vital it is to keep this to yourself. He's not my husband, not anymore. We got drunk and wound up married in Vegas. He was my best friend. Still is... I do love him, I'm just not in love with him. I thought he was dead, and he'd moved on with Harri. We're just friends that share a history. A complicated one, yes. But it's history. I'm hoping Marc is coming clean to Harri now that he's gone home because I don't want to cause trouble. I'm not looking to have him back, I don't want him back. I want you... For the first time in months you've made me feel like myself."
Cameron's head was pounding and he closed his eyes for a few lingering moments, wetting his lips slowly. He didn't know how he felt about any of it. First there was the fact Marc and Izzy had been married, then the fact Marc was this... something out of Cameron's league. Then there was the high chance Aiden was going to claim Marc's balls for a new mirror ornament. Plus the whole covet operation to break into his room without him knowing. He had heard the feelings and emotion in Izzy's voice back in New York when she spoke about her 'dead' husband. His head felt suspiciously like it was going to explode. He opened his eyes with a slight shake of his head. "I don't know what you want me to say. He's not dead. Doesn't that mean you're still married? Does Pat know this or do I have to lie to my twin brother? You know, I really hope he's coming clean to Harri too, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to think of any of this."
"You don't have to lie to him. I would never ask you to lie to him. If you want me to tell him, I can. I never, ever suspected James was alive. I thought he was dead. He scared the fucking shit out of me when he was in Ali's apartment. I still can't believe she knew and never said. We've done a lot of talking... it's okay. As far as the law is concerned he's dead which means we aren't married. And emotionally we're not married either. I don't know what I'm supposed to say either, but I need you to know because I don't want secrets. I hate them." She pushed her fingers through her hair and looked at him, her green eyes pleading. "If you can ever accept this, and who I am, then I don't want there to be secrets because I want us to work. Assuming you can ever let us be an us. And if you want me to go, I'll go. I should probably go anyway, but I will talk to Pat if you want me to. You shouldn't have to carry this."
Cameron put his hand up to nurse his throbbing head in his palm. "I live in England. You're moving back to New York. I didn't realise... I just... this is a shit load for me to try and take in right now and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I just can't seem to think straight," he said, his voice strained. "Am I supposed to make some sort of decision right now?"
Izzy shook her head as she touched his cheek. "No, no. Of course not. This is also why I wanted to wait until you were better before trying to tell you all this. I know I picked a shit time to move back to New York... In fact, a couple days with you and I was already rethinking that move, but I can't. I need to be with Ali. There's some other things I need to deal with, too. And I'm sorry, Cameron. I am so, so sorry."
Cameron looked at her helplessly. "I'm sorry. I just... I don't have answers for you right now. I need to talk to Pat. I need to know if he knows. I need Pat and Aiden to at least know your story and your ex's story before anything might happen between us, Izzy. And I'm sorry for that. But I don't do secrets. You saw how I reacted to Pat's. It's gotta be without strings and I still think you have some loose ends with your ex. I'm not as strong as my brother. I can't promise to keep someone else's secrets, Izzy, and I don't see how something can start on a foundation of so many..." He didn't want to say lies. Were they really lies if they had a purpose for them? "So many loose ends."
"That's what I'm saying! I can talk to Pat if you want me to. I don't want things to happen with so many loose ends, either. But they are wrapped up on my side, I promise. It's just explaining to Pat and Aiden without Marc losing his balls... I do understand, Cameron. And I never asked for answers. I just wanted you to know. I needed you to know." She leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth, her expression sober. "Just call me if you want to talk again. I'll give you some space. Pat should be here soon. You need to be with him."
Cameron searched her eyes. "Aiden is to Harri what Marc is to you, I suspect. I think you can understand why Aiden wants to tear the guy's throat out. I don't know how much you know, but I'm pretty sure your Marc has hurt Harri in the past and Aiden's only trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. I guess we get irrational when we're protective." He let out a slow breath and shook his head a little. "There's something you need to know."
"Of course I can, I'd just like to try and minimise the damage if possible. Not that I can really talk. I wanted to tear him limb from limb for pulling this bullshit with me. I don't want her hurt. I want to actually meet the woman who's managed to get under his skin. Who's having his baby..." Iz raised her eyebrows in surprise. "What do I need to know?"
Cameron let out another slow breath, trying to think clearly through the pain. "Harri's my friend. We're really good friends," he began. "But that's not it. Before she and Marc got to the whole commitment point, Harri and I had a fling. It started in Mexico around Thanksgiving. I went there on a trip with the posse to meet Aiden because Pat was making noises as to the relationship getting serious. Harri was there for Aiden because Aiden got his knickers in a twist thinking I was going to give him the once over as Pat's big brother. That was hardly the case. I liked the guy from the start and Harri and I just hit it off and had some fun together. It happened a few more times before she got serious with Marc and we just remained friends after that. Marc obviously knows, even though I've never met the guy. Now you can see how things just got a whole lot more complicated."
Iz nodded slowly. "At least she and I seem to both have good taste in men..." She let out a disbelieving laugh as she shook her head. "Really good taste."
Cameron gave a small shrug, forgetting his shoulder was injured and gasp, hissing out the breath in pain. "Fucking hell!" he swore, gripping his shoulder and waiting for the pain to pass. He broke out into a sweat just from that and shook his head. "It's just kind of messing with my head right now."
Isabel stood up ready to do something, but then she couldn't think of what to do. If she touched him, she was sure it would make him worse. She hit the call button, and looked down at Cameron, her face mirroring some of his pain. "I'm sorry, Cameron. I never meant..." A nurse came rushing in, and Izzy backed away to give her space to attend to Cameron. Why was everything such a fucking mess?
The nurse was already working to restrict Cameron's arm against his chest so he couldn't move the shoulder. He caught Izzy's eyes. "Don't run. Don't leave and go back to New York without saying goodbye," he told her. "I just need some time to get my head around it and so do you."
Izzy gave a nod as she edged towards the door. It didn't count as running if she was just leaving to give them time, right? She'd come back and say goodbye. She had to break the pattern sometime. "I'll say goodbye," she choked out in a whisper before she disappeared down the corridor.
Words: 3699 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc universe.
| Dirty Dancing
Co-written with cameronpreston | Follows THIS
Cameron had no way of really knowing how long he had been asleep. It felt like years. He also would have had no way of knowing Pat and Aiden weren't at the hospital because Pat was showing symptoms himself and somehow needed to rest before he landed himself in the bed beside his brother. Aiden had requested the staff call them at Cameron's apartment the minute Cameron was awake and that was how Cameron came to have a Post-It note in Pat's handwriting stuck to the back of one of his hand that he could read when he woke up. That all wouldn't become evident when Cameron actually dragged himself back to consciousness. Again.
This time it was much slower and felt more like a natural waking. The last thing he really remembered was Pat standing over him telling him it would be okay. He had that Look. The Pat Look. Cameron had seen it so many times when Lachlan was shot. The helpless worry never could evade Pat's soft features. Cameron opened his eyes slowly, wetting his dry lips and trying to move carefully. He vaguely remembered Pat telling him not to move so much or something. He could feel hands around one of his, but they weren't Pat's. He just knew that for some reason. It took a few moments to focus and he thought he was dreaming at first. Why would Izzy be sitting beside him in Liverpool? "You've changed your hair, Patto..." he said hoarsely with a faint, weak smirk.
Iz started at the voice, her eyes focused elsewhere as she'd entered a state somewhere between daydreaming, and meditation. She smiled instantly at the sound of Cameron's voice, and met his gaze. "Got some breasts as well, but I don't suppose you're into incest. Too bad, because they're a lot of fun."
Cameron laughed just a little, anything more making him aware of the pain. "See, now I just know you aren't Patto. He doesn't know how to take off a bra," he joked. He blinked slowly, smiling as he looked over her face. "What are you doing here? Where am I even? Did they take me to New York mid-surgery or something? Or did I dream Pat being here too?"
She gave him a warm smile as she leaned in to kiss his forehead, her hands tightening their grip around his to let him know she wasn't a dream. "You're in Liverpool. No unscheduled trip to New York. Pat was here, he's staying at your apartment with Aiden. I... called in a favour to get here. I was watching your game and I just had to come. Your brother was kind enough to let me stay here by your side. I'm sorry if I've taken any kind of liberty, or if I'm not who you wanted to see."
"No, not at all..." Cameron assured her, putting his hand up to tentatively touch his head where he hit it. Luckily the Post-It caught his eye and stopped him prodding the injured area. His forehead creased in confusion and he carefully peeled the note off his hand. His vision was a bit blurry from the head injury, so he had to hold it close to his eyes to read it. Cross-eyed probably wasn't an attractive look, but neither were hospital gowns. He was on a downer from all angles. Pat's note promised he would be back soon, warned him not to try getting out of bed or to hit on any hot nurses. Cameron smirked but then felt that guilt clench in his gut again. There was a lot to resolve between them still. He looked back to Izzy, blinking to focus on her. "I just didn't expect you here. You met Pat?"
She nodded, watching him carefully to see if he was okay. At least he remembered her, and didn't seem to have any memory damage. That was a positive sign with a head injury. "Yes. He's lovely... After he checked the phone number you'd written down for me. Good thing I had the secret password on me, otherwise I might have been sent back to New York and considered a crazy stalker."
"Probably," Cameron agreed in amusement. "My family are protective. They're not for the faint-hearted, to say the least. And you have Pat leading the cavalry every time. Not that I deserve it. I remember him being here, and he was just... I thought I'd dreamt it. Was kind of hoping the whole thing was a horrible dream. Only, that wouldn't make sense because meeting you didn't feel like part of a nightmare."
"Likewise. But we're kismet, remember? Apparently we were destined to be each other's bright spot. I just haven't been able to stop thinking about you, which has been... good, actually. It kept reminding me that I could have a future if I wanted. Not that you have to be a part of it! I mean, fuck, I'm not trying to pressure you while you're in hospital it's just... well, it's a long story that can wait until you're better. I'm just glad you're awake." Iz took a breath and tried to get a handle on her rambling. "Pat was convinced you wouldn't want him here once you got past your drugged up haze."
Cameron's head was hurting and he felt mildly sick. He also recalled Pat warning him about both of those. The thing was, he had very little memory of the actual accident on the field, just a sensation that he had been hurt at the game. He rested his head back against the starchy pillow, slowly following what she was saying. "I need him," he murmured. "I was a wanker. I should've just been happy for him. Aiden's a really fantastic guy. When he started dating Pat, he... Pat ended up in hospital. For a long time. Aiden nursed him, no holds barred. Why would I be selfish and self-centred to deny Pat that? That's the reason he got married. Because he might not be well enough to see through a long-planned wedding. I screwed things up and I was stupid." He closed his eyes briefly. "And I need to learn to stop offloading on you. You're just really easy to talk to. I apologise."
"Don't apologise," Izzy chastised him quietly, her green eyes sweeping over his face. "It's what I'm here for. I like that you can offload on me. It's what... it's what friends and stuff are for." She ducked her head as she rubbed her hand up his arm where he wasn't hurt and shifted in her seat slightly. They weren't dating, so she supposed friends was the proper term to use. "You wanted to see for yourself that he would be happy, and I understand that. Maybe you could have handled it better, but you reacted with your gut. You can make it all up to him now... He's going to be here regardless. He's your brother."
"Something's off with him. I hope it's just the fight." Cameron tucked the Post-It into the palm of his free hand. When he looked at her, his forehead creased a little and he laughed softly. "I think it's great you're here and it's great to see you again, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact you came from New York to Liverpool. That's a hell of an impromptu trip. Especially when you had all that stuff going on with your friend."
Izzy pressed her lips together. "Me too, but I do know Aiden took him home to rest." She shrugged at his comment and laughed a little herself. "Well, when I choose to do impromptu, I really choose to do impromptu. The second you hit the grass, I just... I felt compelled to be here. I can't really explain it. I had to call in a favour like I said, and it's something I do want to explain to you. It just needs your brain to be working. All my stuff is... I think it's sorted. At least on my side." She lifted his hand as she dipped her head and brushed her lips against the back of his knuckles.
"To rest? Damnit," Cameron cursed softly. He knew what that meant. He could decipher the code. He exhaled heavily, but a bolt of pain shot through his shoulder. He didn't even want to ask about the injuries. Maybe it was karma for being suck a prick to Pat. "Yeah? It's sorted? Your friend's okay and doesn't want you exiled?"
"She will be okay, I hope. We've all had a lot to deal with. She was the one that was watching the game with me. We had a few words, and a bit of a cry. Well, she cried. She's been doing that a lot since the baby was born." Iz frowned a little as she watched Cameron. "What's wrong? Do you want something? Anything?"
"No, I'm cool. Just in a lot of pain. Happy to sit in Delusion Land about the injuries right now," Cameron told her wryly. "Just feeling off. Your friend has a baby? I vaguely remember you mentioning that, I think. It must've been nice to see them. I'm sorry I dragged you away from that. You have to at least let me pay for your flights."
"Do you want me to get a nurse so you can have some pain killers?" Izzy stroked his arm again, and smiled a little. "You still look pretty amazing, even injured. Yes, she does. She's a wonderful mother, but I feel like shit for abandoning her just before Jamie was born. It was nice to see them. I missed Ali so much... I'm glad she's going to take me back. You didn't drag me from anything, I promise. I want to be here. And you can't pay for any flights I didn't pay for. That was my favour. Sort of."
Cameron frowned in confusion. "I'm not following. Apologies for the concussed brain. You had me right up until not paying for flights and I know you didn't get here by ship. You'd be barely out of America, otherwise." He gave his head a slight shake. "I don't want to get reliant on painkillers if I can. I'll strengthen better if I see through the pain. In saying that, all the medical professionals in my family will probably give me the evil eyeball for saying that."
"This would be the part that I wanted to wait to explain," Isabel replied softly. "The favour I called in was from a friend of mine. He has access to a private jet. He was also going to try and help sneak me in, but then your brother and his husband caught us. Apparently my friend is dating Harri. I think they'd be right to give you the evil eyeball. I don't know how you can do it."
Cameron continued to watch her as she explained. "You mean Marc?" he asked, unsure. "The guy that has more secrets than a whole chapter of the Mafia handbook?" His mind was managing to follow somewhat, but it wasn't an easy task. Obviously he hadn't totally lost his mind though, because his eyes suddenly widened and he stared at her. "Please tell me he's not your dead ex. Am I even on the right track here? I remember you saying your ex was FBI. Private jet, you know... not readily available to most average people. I never begrudged Aiden's mortal enemy having his secrets until now. It was always just Pat relaying updates from home to me over the phone, but..." He stopped, floundering a little as he gaped at her, getting a sense he didn't really know her very well at all.
Seeing his expression had the tears stinging the backs of her eyes, but somehow she managed not to cry as she nodded. "I wanted to tell you, but it's supposed to be a secret. For a secret, a lot of people seem to fucking know it. He's Secret Service. Had his death faked so he could start life as Marcus Fraser. He abandoned me for something he believes in very deeply. I'm sorry if... I didn't even know he was alive until Saturday when you were at the wedding. I was... I didn't know what to think, or believe. I'm so sorry, Cameron."
"Does Pat know who you are? Does Aiden?" Cameron asked immediately. What the hell? Marc was married? Aiden already wanted to kill the guy. Cameron didn't profess to know all the ins and outs of that side of Pat's family, but Pat kept him updated. There was certainly no mention of FBI or SS! He distinctly remembered the guy being some CEO of some medical company, which is always why it was amusing to watch Aiden growl and bark at him like a guard dog - no one thought he actually had reason to hate the guy. They just assumed it was over-protectiveness at it's best. He put his hand up to his mouth, still watching her in disbelief. "I didn't know. I guessed. I-I don't know what to say," he said quietly but honestly.
Izzy shook her head. "Marc told them I was an old friend. Which isn't entirely untrue. We're not... He's not really Marcus Fraser. It's his cover. Please, Cameron, you have to understand how vital it is to keep this to yourself. He's not my husband, not anymore. We got drunk and wound up married in Vegas. He was my best friend. Still is... I do love him, I'm just not in love with him. I thought he was dead, and he'd moved on with Harri. We're just friends that share a history. A complicated one, yes. But it's history. I'm hoping Marc is coming clean to Harri now that he's gone home because I don't want to cause trouble. I'm not looking to have him back, I don't want him back. I want you... For the first time in months you've made me feel like myself."
Cameron's head was pounding and he closed his eyes for a few lingering moments, wetting his lips slowly. He didn't know how he felt about any of it. First there was the fact Marc and Izzy had been married, then the fact Marc was this... something out of Cameron's league. Then there was the high chance Aiden was going to claim Marc's balls for a new mirror ornament. Plus the whole covet operation to break into his room without him knowing. He had heard the feelings and emotion in Izzy's voice back in New York when she spoke about her 'dead' husband. His head felt suspiciously like it was going to explode. He opened his eyes with a slight shake of his head. "I don't know what you want me to say. He's not dead. Doesn't that mean you're still married? Does Pat know this or do I have to lie to my twin brother? You know, I really hope he's coming clean to Harri too, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to think of any of this."
"You don't have to lie to him. I would never ask you to lie to him. If you want me to tell him, I can. I never, ever suspected James was alive. I thought he was dead. He scared the fucking shit out of me when he was in Ali's apartment. I still can't believe she knew and never said. We've done a lot of talking... it's okay. As far as the law is concerned he's dead which means we aren't married. And emotionally we're not married either. I don't know what I'm supposed to say either, but I need you to know because I don't want secrets. I hate them." She pushed her fingers through her hair and looked at him, her green eyes pleading. "If you can ever accept this, and who I am, then I don't want there to be secrets because I want us to work. Assuming you can ever let us be an us. And if you want me to go, I'll go. I should probably go anyway, but I will talk to Pat if you want me to. You shouldn't have to carry this."
Cameron put his hand up to nurse his throbbing head in his palm. "I live in England. You're moving back to New York. I didn't realise... I just... this is a shit load for me to try and take in right now and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I just can't seem to think straight," he said, his voice strained. "Am I supposed to make some sort of decision right now?"
Izzy shook her head as she touched his cheek. "No, no. Of course not. This is also why I wanted to wait until you were better before trying to tell you all this. I know I picked a shit time to move back to New York... In fact, a couple days with you and I was already rethinking that move, but I can't. I need to be with Ali. There's some other things I need to deal with, too. And I'm sorry, Cameron. I am so, so sorry."
Cameron looked at her helplessly. "I'm sorry. I just... I don't have answers for you right now. I need to talk to Pat. I need to know if he knows. I need Pat and Aiden to at least know your story and your ex's story before anything might happen between us, Izzy. And I'm sorry for that. But I don't do secrets. You saw how I reacted to Pat's. It's gotta be without strings and I still think you have some loose ends with your ex. I'm not as strong as my brother. I can't promise to keep someone else's secrets, Izzy, and I don't see how something can start on a foundation of so many..." He didn't want to say lies. Were they really lies if they had a purpose for them? "So many loose ends."
"That's what I'm saying! I can talk to Pat if you want me to. I don't want things to happen with so many loose ends, either. But they are wrapped up on my side, I promise. It's just explaining to Pat and Aiden without Marc losing his balls... I do understand, Cameron. And I never asked for answers. I just wanted you to know. I needed you to know." She leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth, her expression sober. "Just call me if you want to talk again. I'll give you some space. Pat should be here soon. You need to be with him."
Cameron searched her eyes. "Aiden is to Harri what Marc is to you, I suspect. I think you can understand why Aiden wants to tear the guy's throat out. I don't know how much you know, but I'm pretty sure your Marc has hurt Harri in the past and Aiden's only trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. I guess we get irrational when we're protective." He let out a slow breath and shook his head a little. "There's something you need to know."
"Of course I can, I'd just like to try and minimise the damage if possible. Not that I can really talk. I wanted to tear him limb from limb for pulling this bullshit with me. I don't want her hurt. I want to actually meet the woman who's managed to get under his skin. Who's having his baby..." Iz raised her eyebrows in surprise. "What do I need to know?"
Cameron let out another slow breath, trying to think clearly through the pain. "Harri's my friend. We're really good friends," he began. "But that's not it. Before she and Marc got to the whole commitment point, Harri and I had a fling. It started in Mexico around Thanksgiving. I went there on a trip with the posse to meet Aiden because Pat was making noises as to the relationship getting serious. Harri was there for Aiden because Aiden got his knickers in a twist thinking I was going to give him the once over as Pat's big brother. That was hardly the case. I liked the guy from the start and Harri and I just hit it off and had some fun together. It happened a few more times before she got serious with Marc and we just remained friends after that. Marc obviously knows, even though I've never met the guy. Now you can see how things just got a whole lot more complicated."
Iz nodded slowly. "At least she and I seem to both have good taste in men..." She let out a disbelieving laugh as she shook her head. "Really good taste."
Cameron gave a small shrug, forgetting his shoulder was injured and gasp, hissing out the breath in pain. "Fucking hell!" he swore, gripping his shoulder and waiting for the pain to pass. He broke out into a sweat just from that and shook his head. "It's just kind of messing with my head right now."
Isabel stood up ready to do something, but then she couldn't think of what to do. If she touched him, she was sure it would make him worse. She hit the call button, and looked down at Cameron, her face mirroring some of his pain. "I'm sorry, Cameron. I never meant..." A nurse came rushing in, and Izzy backed away to give her space to attend to Cameron. Why was everything such a fucking mess?
The nurse was already working to restrict Cameron's arm against his chest so he couldn't move the shoulder. He caught Izzy's eyes. "Don't run. Don't leave and go back to New York without saying goodbye," he told her. "I just need some time to get my head around it and so do you."
Izzy gave a nod as she edged towards the door. It didn't count as running if she was just leaving to give them time, right? She'd come back and say goodbye. She had to break the pattern sometime. "I'll say goodbye," she choked out in a whisper before she disappeared down the corridor.
Words: 3699 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc universe.