For muse_shuffle | April Disc One
01. all i really wanna say
is you're the reason i wanna stay
i loved you before i met you
and i met you just in time
'cause there was nothing left
[‘Don’t Change Your Plans’ - Ben Folds Five]
Co-written with cameronpreston | Follows THIS and THIS
Cameron sat on the side of the hotel bed and pulled his shirt on. He started to do the buttons up slowly and turned to give Izzy a small smile. It had been some damn weekend, to say the least. Now he had to get on a plane in a few hours and somehow concentrate on a game that night. He was still reeling from it all. He hadn't spoken to Pat once at the wedding and even fobbed Aiden off when he tried to talk to him. He couldn't shake the anger. Every time he looked at Pat, it felt like a fist was gripping him around his heart and cutting off his breathing. And then he left Princeton once the wedding was all over. He knew he was disappointing Pat and Aiden, disappointing Lachlan and Tara, hell, he was even disappointing himself, but Pat was married. He somehow had to accept that and know it was just said and done. They couldn't go back and fix it. He wasn't ever going to be at Pat's side when he tied the knot because it was already all over.
He had left the wedding at the soonest chance he could get without being impolite. He did all the standard congratulations, teased Riley a bit about balls and chains and shit, gave RJ a hug and then got into the hire car, New York bound. Or Izzy bound, rather. They spent the rest of the night together and now it was early morning. He had to go. Half of him wanted to get out of the country as quick as possible, but the other half wished this could last a bit longer.
Izzy drew the sheets around herself as she moved to sit next to Cameron and pressed a kiss to his temple. She was actually going to miss him. Part of her wanted to go back to England with him. Maybe they'd have more of a chance of making this last, but she'd already pushed one night into a few. She wasn't supposed to have pushed it so far, but she couldn't help it. Cameron made her feel something other than cold and empty. She still couldn't believe James was alive. Only he wasn't James anymore. She helped straighten Cameron's collar and tried to smile. "This feels wrong."
Cameron looked at her in confusion, but met the smile nonetheless. "Wrong in what way?" he asked. "It feels alright to me." In fact, the time spent with Izzy had been the only time on the whole trip he actually felt half way normal. Two nights, and it felt strange that he was going away. He still wasn't sure about the whole kismet thing, but he did enjoy her company. He couldn't actually remember the last time he technically went on a date with someone, and the way they had talked, it was as close to a date as he would usually get. Even on dates, he was usually the sports star and not really himself. The night he met Izzy, he had been himself, far away from the bright lights of stardom. Himself, albeit a little broken.
"No, not us. Us definitely feels alright. More than alright. It's the whole saying goodbye thing. It doesn't feel like we should be saying goodbye." She shrugged as she took his hand and threaded her fingers through his. "How crazy is it that I don't want to say goodbye? It feels strange knowing that I probably won't see you again..."
Cameron laughed and shook his head. "I'll be back. I'm always here. Well, not as often as I'd like, but I have a big Princeton chapter of my family. I come at least once every few months. Then I come with my team for promo some times, or international games. Or, was that more a hint that I might not actually get in touch with you once I get on that plane?" he asked.
Iz tilted her head as she looked at him. "Both, I guess. Will you keep in touch once you got on the plane? I'd understand if you didn't. Massive footballer like you, all those fans."
"Doesn't automatically make me a prick," Cameron pointed out with a laugh. "Some of us are actually nice, you know. Some even have family and friends," he teased. "I'll admit that my life is hectic and always on a tight schedule. There are games, training, working out, strategies, promotions, press conferences... you name it. But I do still have a life. The question would be if you want to bother with returning my calls. You've got a lot going on."
"I know, I know. I'm just in a mood, I'm sorry. Of course I'd return your calls. You've been the best thing for me while all this shit is going on. If you called, I would be forever grateful. And probably wind up talking dirty..." Isabel winked before she caught his lips in a brief kiss. "I'm still going to miss you, Preston."
Cameron nodded. "I haven't been in the best of moods myself. And I did notice you were different when I got back here last night. I figured it was pretty deep, so I didn't pry." He stretched a little, not making much of a rush to get dressed. "I thought the whole double-banger wedding might get me thinking about a different life. Truth was, I just spent the whole thing avoiding my brother and his husband. One groom managed to get his nipple pierced at the bachelor party and the other got cold feet and did a runner right before the ceremony. I was surrounded by Aussies, had no date, and couldn't even get drunk. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them and they're definitely two couples who will work the marriage thing, but it seems like a lot of effort. Yet, I'm still wounded that my brother eloped," he added with a wry snort. He met her eyes. "Are you okay, though?"
"Well, you could have maybe asked me as a date to the wedding, but I guess you didn't know me until just before it, and even then I might not be up to wedding date standards. I hear it's like the clincher to a relationship. Me? I just have my own weddings and then run away... Did I tell you I tried to get married three times before James? I'd get the altar and just realise the guy wasn't for me and bolt. Or not get to the altar at all. I'm..." Iz gave him a wry smile, "I'm a handful. I can't pretend I'll be easy, same as you can't because of the football. I'm really sorry you missed your brother's wedding. You shouldn't be avoiding him, though. I'm avoiding my eldest sister right now but that's because I caught her fucking my ex. She's married." Iz ran her hand through her hair and looked back at him, already feeling that lump forming in her throat as she thought of James. "No. I'm not."
Cameron smiled but his nose scrunched up wryly. "The whole thing with my brother just would've made it uncomfortable. Not that I wouldn't have wanted you there. 'Course I would, but it's complicated. My family at the wedding, we're tight. Had a lot of shit go on in our lives and it's made us more than yearn to watch out for each other. Good example, one of the grooms actually had an accident at work a few months back. He's a doctor. Now he has a serious illness resulting from it." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Three times and then you did it in Vegas? Luckily I'm not looking for a wife, then," he laughed.
"Speaking of football, what is it you do? We're up to two nights now. Are we cool for questions like this?" he asked curiously and then shook his head. "It's okay. My brother's BFF, who is also like a brother to me, gave me a serve. We call him Yodalan because he has this wise way of just knowing all the right things to say. He tried to niggle away at my sensitive spots though. He's good at that. You have as colourful life as us lot, it seems," he added, smirking. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Wow, yeah... your group has been through some pretty intense stuff. It's nice you have a tight family. I used to, but not so much anymore. I guess the crises either make or break family, and friends. You find out who's really there for you."
"Yeah, we're cool," Izzy responded with a smile. "I was FBI, but now I'm a very humble art store owner. Was... Still am? I guess I can still own the place while living in another country. Right now though going back to England seems like a pretty fucking good idea." She bit down on the tip of her index finger and closed her eyes as her head dropped and pain twisted her features. How easy it would be just to confide in Cameron, but she couldn't. In the end, James' death... his sudden resurrection... it wasn't her secret to tell. Fuck Campbell for laying that at her feet. "Yes, but I can't. It's incredibly complicated and most of it isn't mine to tell. I'm bound by a bastard I just wish I'd never seen again. Even if I'd wanted to see him again for a long time... Like I said, it's complicated. And I'm really sorry to be so secretive."
Cameron frowned, not really following. He nodded. "I won't pry," he said quietly. "I'm used to dealing with the whole secret deal. You should see your friend, you know. Remind her that you are still there. Still there for each other. It's important, shit like that. Some people just don't have anyone to rely on. I'm one of the lucky ones. The sort that would still phone up Mum and Dad to whine about a bad game or how Pat tricked me into doing something," he said, shaking his head in amusement.
"I know. I do. I'm here for Ali, not for... well, yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag the mood down this morning. I didn't want it to be a sad goodbye, and here I am making it a heavy conversation anyway." Iz kissed him lightly again and smiled as she stroked her fingers over his hair. "Thank you, Cameron."
Cameron waved his hand. "Hey, I'm hardly a pin up for good times past right now. I'm avoiding the person who is literally my other half, flesh and blood. I'm coming across like I'm a sulking bastard because I didn't get an invite, but I just can't shake the hurt. Maybe sad goodbyes are inevitable. I don't think they're supposed to be happy, anyway," he added, returning the kiss softly.
"That's why I didn't want it to be goodbye," she said quietly as she kept her arm draped over his shoulders. "And hey, I'm hardly one to judge on avoidance. I do think you need to talk to your brother, even if it's hard."
"I'll have to start calling you Yodalan, too," Cameron decided with a slight laugh. "I'll talk to him, I just can't yet."
"When exactly do you have to leave?" Isabel asked as she let go of the sheets and stood to put her clothes on.
Cameron looked at the clock. "Fly out in four hours, need to be at the airport in about an hour," he said wryly. "Probably still long enough to get another Yodalan lecture, or if his wife steps in, I could be doomed."
Izzy looked at him. "Want me to drive you? Maybe we could get something to eat at the airport... if you wanted."
Cameron was quiet for a few moments, thoughts turning back to Pat. His head drooped a little as he chewed on his lower lip. He missed Pat like crazy. Deep down, he didn't really want to leave New York without making amends but he was stubborn. He always had been and that was one of the ways he was a polar opposite to Pat. But it was too late and what's done was done. He looked up at Izzy with a small smile. "Sure, that sounds real great," he agreed with a nod.
Words: 2061 | All muses referred to with permission
is you're the reason i wanna stay
i loved you before i met you
and i met you just in time
'cause there was nothing left
[‘Don’t Change Your Plans’ - Ben Folds Five]
Co-written with cameronpreston | Follows THIS and THIS
Cameron sat on the side of the hotel bed and pulled his shirt on. He started to do the buttons up slowly and turned to give Izzy a small smile. It had been some damn weekend, to say the least. Now he had to get on a plane in a few hours and somehow concentrate on a game that night. He was still reeling from it all. He hadn't spoken to Pat once at the wedding and even fobbed Aiden off when he tried to talk to him. He couldn't shake the anger. Every time he looked at Pat, it felt like a fist was gripping him around his heart and cutting off his breathing. And then he left Princeton once the wedding was all over. He knew he was disappointing Pat and Aiden, disappointing Lachlan and Tara, hell, he was even disappointing himself, but Pat was married. He somehow had to accept that and know it was just said and done. They couldn't go back and fix it. He wasn't ever going to be at Pat's side when he tied the knot because it was already all over.
He had left the wedding at the soonest chance he could get without being impolite. He did all the standard congratulations, teased Riley a bit about balls and chains and shit, gave RJ a hug and then got into the hire car, New York bound. Or Izzy bound, rather. They spent the rest of the night together and now it was early morning. He had to go. Half of him wanted to get out of the country as quick as possible, but the other half wished this could last a bit longer.
Izzy drew the sheets around herself as she moved to sit next to Cameron and pressed a kiss to his temple. She was actually going to miss him. Part of her wanted to go back to England with him. Maybe they'd have more of a chance of making this last, but she'd already pushed one night into a few. She wasn't supposed to have pushed it so far, but she couldn't help it. Cameron made her feel something other than cold and empty. She still couldn't believe James was alive. Only he wasn't James anymore. She helped straighten Cameron's collar and tried to smile. "This feels wrong."
Cameron looked at her in confusion, but met the smile nonetheless. "Wrong in what way?" he asked. "It feels alright to me." In fact, the time spent with Izzy had been the only time on the whole trip he actually felt half way normal. Two nights, and it felt strange that he was going away. He still wasn't sure about the whole kismet thing, but he did enjoy her company. He couldn't actually remember the last time he technically went on a date with someone, and the way they had talked, it was as close to a date as he would usually get. Even on dates, he was usually the sports star and not really himself. The night he met Izzy, he had been himself, far away from the bright lights of stardom. Himself, albeit a little broken.
"No, not us. Us definitely feels alright. More than alright. It's the whole saying goodbye thing. It doesn't feel like we should be saying goodbye." She shrugged as she took his hand and threaded her fingers through his. "How crazy is it that I don't want to say goodbye? It feels strange knowing that I probably won't see you again..."
Cameron laughed and shook his head. "I'll be back. I'm always here. Well, not as often as I'd like, but I have a big Princeton chapter of my family. I come at least once every few months. Then I come with my team for promo some times, or international games. Or, was that more a hint that I might not actually get in touch with you once I get on that plane?" he asked.
Iz tilted her head as she looked at him. "Both, I guess. Will you keep in touch once you got on the plane? I'd understand if you didn't. Massive footballer like you, all those fans."
"Doesn't automatically make me a prick," Cameron pointed out with a laugh. "Some of us are actually nice, you know. Some even have family and friends," he teased. "I'll admit that my life is hectic and always on a tight schedule. There are games, training, working out, strategies, promotions, press conferences... you name it. But I do still have a life. The question would be if you want to bother with returning my calls. You've got a lot going on."
"I know, I know. I'm just in a mood, I'm sorry. Of course I'd return your calls. You've been the best thing for me while all this shit is going on. If you called, I would be forever grateful. And probably wind up talking dirty..." Isabel winked before she caught his lips in a brief kiss. "I'm still going to miss you, Preston."
Cameron nodded. "I haven't been in the best of moods myself. And I did notice you were different when I got back here last night. I figured it was pretty deep, so I didn't pry." He stretched a little, not making much of a rush to get dressed. "I thought the whole double-banger wedding might get me thinking about a different life. Truth was, I just spent the whole thing avoiding my brother and his husband. One groom managed to get his nipple pierced at the bachelor party and the other got cold feet and did a runner right before the ceremony. I was surrounded by Aussies, had no date, and couldn't even get drunk. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them and they're definitely two couples who will work the marriage thing, but it seems like a lot of effort. Yet, I'm still wounded that my brother eloped," he added with a wry snort. He met her eyes. "Are you okay, though?"
"Well, you could have maybe asked me as a date to the wedding, but I guess you didn't know me until just before it, and even then I might not be up to wedding date standards. I hear it's like the clincher to a relationship. Me? I just have my own weddings and then run away... Did I tell you I tried to get married three times before James? I'd get the altar and just realise the guy wasn't for me and bolt. Or not get to the altar at all. I'm..." Iz gave him a wry smile, "I'm a handful. I can't pretend I'll be easy, same as you can't because of the football. I'm really sorry you missed your brother's wedding. You shouldn't be avoiding him, though. I'm avoiding my eldest sister right now but that's because I caught her fucking my ex. She's married." Iz ran her hand through her hair and looked back at him, already feeling that lump forming in her throat as she thought of James. "No. I'm not."
Cameron smiled but his nose scrunched up wryly. "The whole thing with my brother just would've made it uncomfortable. Not that I wouldn't have wanted you there. 'Course I would, but it's complicated. My family at the wedding, we're tight. Had a lot of shit go on in our lives and it's made us more than yearn to watch out for each other. Good example, one of the grooms actually had an accident at work a few months back. He's a doctor. Now he has a serious illness resulting from it." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Three times and then you did it in Vegas? Luckily I'm not looking for a wife, then," he laughed.
"Speaking of football, what is it you do? We're up to two nights now. Are we cool for questions like this?" he asked curiously and then shook his head. "It's okay. My brother's BFF, who is also like a brother to me, gave me a serve. We call him Yodalan because he has this wise way of just knowing all the right things to say. He tried to niggle away at my sensitive spots though. He's good at that. You have as colourful life as us lot, it seems," he added, smirking. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Wow, yeah... your group has been through some pretty intense stuff. It's nice you have a tight family. I used to, but not so much anymore. I guess the crises either make or break family, and friends. You find out who's really there for you."
"Yeah, we're cool," Izzy responded with a smile. "I was FBI, but now I'm a very humble art store owner. Was... Still am? I guess I can still own the place while living in another country. Right now though going back to England seems like a pretty fucking good idea." She bit down on the tip of her index finger and closed her eyes as her head dropped and pain twisted her features. How easy it would be just to confide in Cameron, but she couldn't. In the end, James' death... his sudden resurrection... it wasn't her secret to tell. Fuck Campbell for laying that at her feet. "Yes, but I can't. It's incredibly complicated and most of it isn't mine to tell. I'm bound by a bastard I just wish I'd never seen again. Even if I'd wanted to see him again for a long time... Like I said, it's complicated. And I'm really sorry to be so secretive."
Cameron frowned, not really following. He nodded. "I won't pry," he said quietly. "I'm used to dealing with the whole secret deal. You should see your friend, you know. Remind her that you are still there. Still there for each other. It's important, shit like that. Some people just don't have anyone to rely on. I'm one of the lucky ones. The sort that would still phone up Mum and Dad to whine about a bad game or how Pat tricked me into doing something," he said, shaking his head in amusement.
"I know. I do. I'm here for Ali, not for... well, yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag the mood down this morning. I didn't want it to be a sad goodbye, and here I am making it a heavy conversation anyway." Iz kissed him lightly again and smiled as she stroked her fingers over his hair. "Thank you, Cameron."
Cameron waved his hand. "Hey, I'm hardly a pin up for good times past right now. I'm avoiding the person who is literally my other half, flesh and blood. I'm coming across like I'm a sulking bastard because I didn't get an invite, but I just can't shake the hurt. Maybe sad goodbyes are inevitable. I don't think they're supposed to be happy, anyway," he added, returning the kiss softly.
"That's why I didn't want it to be goodbye," she said quietly as she kept her arm draped over his shoulders. "And hey, I'm hardly one to judge on avoidance. I do think you need to talk to your brother, even if it's hard."
"I'll have to start calling you Yodalan, too," Cameron decided with a slight laugh. "I'll talk to him, I just can't yet."
"When exactly do you have to leave?" Isabel asked as she let go of the sheets and stood to put her clothes on.
Cameron looked at the clock. "Fly out in four hours, need to be at the airport in about an hour," he said wryly. "Probably still long enough to get another Yodalan lecture, or if his wife steps in, I could be doomed."
Izzy looked at him. "Want me to drive you? Maybe we could get something to eat at the airport... if you wanted."
Cameron was quiet for a few moments, thoughts turning back to Pat. His head drooped a little as he chewed on his lower lip. He missed Pat like crazy. Deep down, he didn't really want to leave New York without making amends but he was stubborn. He always had been and that was one of the ways he was a polar opposite to Pat. But it was too late and what's done was done. He looked up at Izzy with a small smile. "Sure, that sounds real great," he agreed with a nod.
Words: 2061 | All muses referred to with permission