On Work Friends (x posted to livejournal, facebook)
Since I've moved to Florida, I've realized something... I don't have many friends. I watch the facebook reel as friends talk about hanging out this weekend or the next, I peruse the away messages on AIM (out with so and so, back later...), and I wander listlessly through myspace reading the endless comments on other people's boards telling them to call soon or small animals will be maimed in their name.
I used to have stuff like that.
I used to have people who called to hang out in the afternoon, coffee at Starbucks, egg rolls at Chang's, tea at Victoria Station, pizza at Fred's. I used to have people posting on my myspace page, texting me with reckless abandon, writing on my wall and commenting in my livejournal. Now, I was NEVER popular, and NEVER had the extensive social schedules many of my contemporaries boast of, but I had FRIENDS that I could count on for a diversion when I needed it. I never thought much of my friends at work... not at least until I moved down here.
Since moving to Florida, the calls from friends back home are few and far between. It's as though being far away means that we don't talk anymore. Even my best friend, I haven't spoken to in two weeks, haven't had a real conversation with in months.
But here's the crazy thing... I have these work friends. It's a strange relationship. Because we rely on each other to get shit done during the busy times, we trust each other in a way that takes regular friendships months or even years to develop. Many of my work friends know the ins and outs of my fears and crises right now, and I know many of theirs. I get a hug from many of these women (and ultimately from the men in that awkward "just friends" way) on a daily basis, and especially when I'm upset. These people have only known me in one place, in one outfit, in one mindset, and yet, they're great friends...
And on the other hand, they are clearly work friends. We rarely hang out outside of work (although we do on occasion). Saying "call me later" really doesn't get an actual call. Comments on myspace and facebook are generally regulated with a "so when are you working next?" We all know and acknowledge that work or family may take us away from the protection and safety of our Starbucks family, and no one will weep for that loss. It isn't like a real friend that you feel a pang of regret for the loss of that time shared, those afternoon teas. These are work friends, and often nothing more.
Sometimes I wish there was more. Even when I ultimately go back to school, it won't be the same. I'm engaged now, living in an apartment with my fiance instead of on campus. It's a different mindset, and I already know that the friends I'll make in class will be "physics class friends" or "french class friends," a different class of friendship in their own right. I won't ever make friends in ways other than work... except perhaps for spouses of Glenn's workfriends. That's a whole separate blog topic right there. I'll never have friends that would have been friends with me independent of my job or my classwork. That was something that happened in high school and has since disappeared like smoke in the wind. People move on, they don't remember to call, and when they remember to call they don't because there would be so much to catch up on that it would take too much time.
And that's why you have work friends. People you form close relationships with, cry and laugh with, but who ultimately carry no long lasting emotional burdens. You can be truly happy for that friend who's moving across the country, because it works for them. Yeah you'll miss them, but they'll be happy, and work will go on.
And yet sometimes I still want someone to tell me I'm wrong, that we really are friends for real and not just work friends. I want to know that someone will care tomorrow no matter where I go. But maybe that's what family is for.
I used to have stuff like that.
I used to have people who called to hang out in the afternoon, coffee at Starbucks, egg rolls at Chang's, tea at Victoria Station, pizza at Fred's. I used to have people posting on my myspace page, texting me with reckless abandon, writing on my wall and commenting in my livejournal. Now, I was NEVER popular, and NEVER had the extensive social schedules many of my contemporaries boast of, but I had FRIENDS that I could count on for a diversion when I needed it. I never thought much of my friends at work... not at least until I moved down here.
Since moving to Florida, the calls from friends back home are few and far between. It's as though being far away means that we don't talk anymore. Even my best friend, I haven't spoken to in two weeks, haven't had a real conversation with in months.
But here's the crazy thing... I have these work friends. It's a strange relationship. Because we rely on each other to get shit done during the busy times, we trust each other in a way that takes regular friendships months or even years to develop. Many of my work friends know the ins and outs of my fears and crises right now, and I know many of theirs. I get a hug from many of these women (and ultimately from the men in that awkward "just friends" way) on a daily basis, and especially when I'm upset. These people have only known me in one place, in one outfit, in one mindset, and yet, they're great friends...
And on the other hand, they are clearly work friends. We rarely hang out outside of work (although we do on occasion). Saying "call me later" really doesn't get an actual call. Comments on myspace and facebook are generally regulated with a "so when are you working next?" We all know and acknowledge that work or family may take us away from the protection and safety of our Starbucks family, and no one will weep for that loss. It isn't like a real friend that you feel a pang of regret for the loss of that time shared, those afternoon teas. These are work friends, and often nothing more.
Sometimes I wish there was more. Even when I ultimately go back to school, it won't be the same. I'm engaged now, living in an apartment with my fiance instead of on campus. It's a different mindset, and I already know that the friends I'll make in class will be "physics class friends" or "french class friends," a different class of friendship in their own right. I won't ever make friends in ways other than work... except perhaps for spouses of Glenn's workfriends. That's a whole separate blog topic right there. I'll never have friends that would have been friends with me independent of my job or my classwork. That was something that happened in high school and has since disappeared like smoke in the wind. People move on, they don't remember to call, and when they remember to call they don't because there would be so much to catch up on that it would take too much time.
And that's why you have work friends. People you form close relationships with, cry and laugh with, but who ultimately carry no long lasting emotional burdens. You can be truly happy for that friend who's moving across the country, because it works for them. Yeah you'll miss them, but they'll be happy, and work will go on.
And yet sometimes I still want someone to tell me I'm wrong, that we really are friends for real and not just work friends. I want to know that someone will care tomorrow no matter where I go. But maybe that's what family is for.