child without an eye
Today amongst the others has been very irritable for me. Everyone keeps asking me, "are you ok" and I don't realize I'm doing it until they say something like that and I start thinking about all the shit I'm trying to keep off of my mind..I'm so fucking numb it's hard to even really think sometimes. I walk around like a zombie...."this is my life" and it fucking sucks.I don't like my life right now. I'm trying to make the best of it but I fucking hate it. It's good that I'm going to counseling because I sure as fuck need it. I'm not going to have money because it's all going to fines and the probation office.That's pretty depressing to know that I work and it all gets taken away from me basically when I get and cash my paycheck. That truly pisses me off because I feel like I should be getting some help with this situation but I'm never goign to see that happen. He will never take responsibility for the wrongs that he does so I've stopped expecting anything.I don't know why I expected because I know how he is better than anyone...well not even really because I feel like I don't know him at all anymore. I don't really want to though.
I'm not going to lie, it hurts. Everyday hurts. I'm so sad most of the time that I don't even feel.It's more like being drained or beating something until they are unconscious with no response. The life in me is gone. I don't like talking to people because most don't know shit about what I'm going through and I don't want any fucking pity because that's not something I'm after at all. So I mainly just don't talk to anyone.I avoid certain places when I drive. I avoid certain friends because I know they work with certain people and I don't want to hear the gossip that consists of my name. I think the only thing that keeps me going right now is that I know I'm going to get through this and I know he can't ever hurt me again because I'm never going to let him have the chance.
I just need to switch medicines and fill out the fafsa application to get the ball rolling with school.
That's all I have to say right now.
I'm not going to lie, it hurts. Everyday hurts. I'm so sad most of the time that I don't even feel.It's more like being drained or beating something until they are unconscious with no response. The life in me is gone. I don't like talking to people because most don't know shit about what I'm going through and I don't want any fucking pity because that's not something I'm after at all. So I mainly just don't talk to anyone.I avoid certain places when I drive. I avoid certain friends because I know they work with certain people and I don't want to hear the gossip that consists of my name. I think the only thing that keeps me going right now is that I know I'm going to get through this and I know he can't ever hurt me again because I'm never going to let him have the chance.
I just need to switch medicines and fill out the fafsa application to get the ball rolling with school.
That's all I have to say right now.