bitchmode6000
I am so irritated, pissed off at everyone, and depressed today.I was so mad earlier that I wrote four pages of complaints that have to do with things that are wrong in my life or that are going wrong.It's a little fucking ridiculous but it was soothing to me at the time.I still have more shit to write down too.I was supposed to spend this day cleaning my room because I'm tired of my boyfriends wanting to clean it for me.I've been going through a lot of boys lately for some reason.I've been on fire lately but I don't mind because it's nice to make a slam in dating game.Not that I really date any of them...I usually just talk to them and realize quickly whether we have a connection or not or if it would work.Sometimes they will be really cute but I will have nothing to say to them because theya re boring to me.Thare aren't any common interests or they can't even hold a conversation with me and that sucks.There has been only one person to make any kind of impact on me that is lasting because I know it's sincere and we've had this on going thing for at least eight years now.Everytime I see him it's the same only I never worried about when I was going to see him again because usually he just pops up and we act as if we haven't missed a thing at all.Only this time I guess he wanted to make sure that he saw me again because the last time he tried to see me he found out that I had moved away and didn't say goodbye and he said that hurt him.I didn't mean to do that of course I just didn't think about it.I decided a week before actually moving that I was leaving the state.So it was a surprise to me as well.
He sat and remanessed about taking a cold shower at my house and leaving his number on my counter which I never got either.He spoke of my lips and how no one can compair to them and how I kiss him no one has ever kissed him that way before.I didn't have a functioning water heater at my house in the cove so we always had to take cold showers or just go dirty.It was during the winter too so it sucked balls.He's so serious about me being in his life that he's willing to separate from his baby's mother with the risk of losing his son.He's only been with her because he doesn't want to lose his son.I've never even considered ever being with someone with a kid but for some reason with him it's different.I'm not going to be playing mommie or anything.I mean, I guess I would help out when his son would come to visit but that's it.
He said so much to me that I didn't know what to think and I had to take a deep breath.I asked him what he wanted from me...like what he wanted to do.He told me to stay exactly how I am because he loves it and envies me for how I am as a person.He said I wouldn't even have to work and he would take care of me.I told him that if anything worked between us I would still work though.I would go crazy and get extremely bored and anti-social if I didn't work and have a life.That's just not my style to not be independant though ti's reassuring that he would definitely take care of my well being and make sure there was a roof over my head at all times..that he's responsible and works two jobs to support his son.He acts so ashamed though of where he is in his life because he never wanted it to end up like this.He had always wanted to be with me but in the midst of a time frame of us not seeing each other he had a girlfriend and got her pregnant.He didn't want it but she did so he felt trapped and basically he has been ever since.He loves his child with everything of course...there's no questions asked.I remember seeing him again right when she gave birth to his son.He cried on my shoulder and I felt so bad because he felt as if his life was being ruinned because I guess he felt that this was her way of keeping him though he's never loved her the way he's loved me in a million years.Recently when I saw him he was telling miscellanious people that he loved me.I totally ignored Brendan for A.J. whom brendan was originally the one I was talking to but I knew it wasn't going to work out...and Rhonda kept jumping up his ass and he was letting her so I just let it naturally take it's course.Brendan tried to pick a fight with A.J. because of everything that was happening and I basically told him that A.J. would obliterate him...which I'm not even kidding he would.I watched him slam David into a wall because David was talking to me and A.J. didn't like it.He's never liked seeing me with anyone else..he just simply can't stand it.AJ sat quietly as to put Brendan in his place and told him to shut the fuck up basically.It's all a fucking ego thing...that's why brendan was doing it.Brendan went home with Rhonda and Phillip that night because I didn't pay attention to him at all that night.How was I aupposed to when everytime i turned around Rhonda's pathetic ass was on him like white on rice...basically throwing herself at him..so I just let her do it because if he was going to accept it I wouldn't want to be with him anyway.You either want me or you don't.I'm not going to play games and fight for you because it's just not worth it to me.Dick comes and goes...yeah that sounds terrible but it's the truth..I can find someone worth it if that's how it is.I took Brendan in the back to talk to him and he said, "well how am I supposed to feel about you and aj." because brendan saw us kiss and went inside and slammed the door.He came back out and was acting like he was talking to someone but was watching my every move with aj the whole time.I didn't care and proceeded as if he wasn't there at all.This seems to be long enough for right now.Probably more later I imagine.I'm in a bitch mood so I feel like ranting.
He sat and remanessed about taking a cold shower at my house and leaving his number on my counter which I never got either.He spoke of my lips and how no one can compair to them and how I kiss him no one has ever kissed him that way before.I didn't have a functioning water heater at my house in the cove so we always had to take cold showers or just go dirty.It was during the winter too so it sucked balls.He's so serious about me being in his life that he's willing to separate from his baby's mother with the risk of losing his son.He's only been with her because he doesn't want to lose his son.I've never even considered ever being with someone with a kid but for some reason with him it's different.I'm not going to be playing mommie or anything.I mean, I guess I would help out when his son would come to visit but that's it.
He said so much to me that I didn't know what to think and I had to take a deep breath.I asked him what he wanted from me...like what he wanted to do.He told me to stay exactly how I am because he loves it and envies me for how I am as a person.He said I wouldn't even have to work and he would take care of me.I told him that if anything worked between us I would still work though.I would go crazy and get extremely bored and anti-social if I didn't work and have a life.That's just not my style to not be independant though ti's reassuring that he would definitely take care of my well being and make sure there was a roof over my head at all times..that he's responsible and works two jobs to support his son.He acts so ashamed though of where he is in his life because he never wanted it to end up like this.He had always wanted to be with me but in the midst of a time frame of us not seeing each other he had a girlfriend and got her pregnant.He didn't want it but she did so he felt trapped and basically he has been ever since.He loves his child with everything of course...there's no questions asked.I remember seeing him again right when she gave birth to his son.He cried on my shoulder and I felt so bad because he felt as if his life was being ruinned because I guess he felt that this was her way of keeping him though he's never loved her the way he's loved me in a million years.Recently when I saw him he was telling miscellanious people that he loved me.I totally ignored Brendan for A.J. whom brendan was originally the one I was talking to but I knew it wasn't going to work out...and Rhonda kept jumping up his ass and he was letting her so I just let it naturally take it's course.Brendan tried to pick a fight with A.J. because of everything that was happening and I basically told him that A.J. would obliterate him...which I'm not even kidding he would.I watched him slam David into a wall because David was talking to me and A.J. didn't like it.He's never liked seeing me with anyone else..he just simply can't stand it.AJ sat quietly as to put Brendan in his place and told him to shut the fuck up basically.It's all a fucking ego thing...that's why brendan was doing it.Brendan went home with Rhonda and Phillip that night because I didn't pay attention to him at all that night.How was I aupposed to when everytime i turned around Rhonda's pathetic ass was on him like white on rice...basically throwing herself at him..so I just let her do it because if he was going to accept it I wouldn't want to be with him anyway.You either want me or you don't.I'm not going to play games and fight for you because it's just not worth it to me.Dick comes and goes...yeah that sounds terrible but it's the truth..I can find someone worth it if that's how it is.I took Brendan in the back to talk to him and he said, "well how am I supposed to feel about you and aj." because brendan saw us kiss and went inside and slammed the door.He came back out and was acting like he was talking to someone but was watching my every move with aj the whole time.I didn't care and proceeded as if he wasn't there at all.This seems to be long enough for right now.Probably more later I imagine.I'm in a bitch mood so I feel like ranting.