(no subject)
im listening to that mp3 cd i was listening to all the time one year ago. Muse, the Yeah Yeah Yeas, Thom Yorke, Ben Harper. its incredible the power music has to transport you back in the past. it reminds me of so many feelings, so many deep feelings. i was so alive back then. and i wasn't even aware of it.
this week, julie sent me an email basically saying that she was moving on and that i was out of her life. i replied basically saying that i would never be able to say or feel that, and that no matter what the future will be made of, she'll never be out of my life. today was her birthday, and i texted her in the evening, and she replied inviting me to her party in two weeks. who know what the sens of all of that is. im trying not too think too deep into that. i will go. and we will see. im just happy she invited me. i don't know for the rest.
one year ago, it was the beginning of the end, and i could feel it, but i didn't do anything. because i never thought that it'd go that far.
yesterday i was talking about that with aliénor. about how people come and go. how people hurt each other without even realizing it. last year, michael and i were so close. and today i hardly hear from him. whose fault is it? his? mine? or none? maybe a bit of everything. its just life. if he ever breaks up with marie, i'll hear from him again. the purpose is not a mean one. its just him. and its just life.
for the last months, i've been unsatisfied. with my life a s a whole. i can very well see that nothing is enough anymore. one year ago everything was new. today it has become a routine. and im not a routine girl, because routine eats me. and as much as i hate it, i get deeper and deeper into it, consciously. what i need is a big change. like my moving was. like my my break up with mike was. like going to university was.
it makes me sad to think that i'll forever need events like that to feel alive and happy.
but its life, i guess. i don't want to complain about it. there are many beautiful things. i may be feeling unsatisfied right now, i've been extremely happy in the past, and i will in the future, too. those moments are precious, and even more because they're rare.
this week, julie sent me an email basically saying that she was moving on and that i was out of her life. i replied basically saying that i would never be able to say or feel that, and that no matter what the future will be made of, she'll never be out of my life. today was her birthday, and i texted her in the evening, and she replied inviting me to her party in two weeks. who know what the sens of all of that is. im trying not too think too deep into that. i will go. and we will see. im just happy she invited me. i don't know for the rest.
one year ago, it was the beginning of the end, and i could feel it, but i didn't do anything. because i never thought that it'd go that far.
yesterday i was talking about that with aliénor. about how people come and go. how people hurt each other without even realizing it. last year, michael and i were so close. and today i hardly hear from him. whose fault is it? his? mine? or none? maybe a bit of everything. its just life. if he ever breaks up with marie, i'll hear from him again. the purpose is not a mean one. its just him. and its just life.
for the last months, i've been unsatisfied. with my life a s a whole. i can very well see that nothing is enough anymore. one year ago everything was new. today it has become a routine. and im not a routine girl, because routine eats me. and as much as i hate it, i get deeper and deeper into it, consciously. what i need is a big change. like my moving was. like my my break up with mike was. like going to university was.
it makes me sad to think that i'll forever need events like that to feel alive and happy.
but its life, i guess. i don't want to complain about it. there are many beautiful things. i may be feeling unsatisfied right now, i've been extremely happy in the past, and i will in the future, too. those moments are precious, and even more because they're rare.