....surprise, you're in CHURCH!
Okay. Normally I would prefer to cleanse myself of negative energy than dwell in it but, as my mood apparently indicates, this isn't going anywhere until I do something more concrete to purge myself of it. Therefore I'll write it out of my system.
I had surprise-church this morning.
A couple days ago an old, old friend of mine called and invited me to Sunday brunch. Hadn't seen her in ages, so I was kind of excited to meet up. She gives me the address of this "awesome little cafe." I go, and she's out there, and quickly enough I start noticing these weird, subtle things: it is a cafe, but all the people there are really fucking friendly, to the point where they're hugging me and saying hellos every time I move to get a cup of tea. I'm being looked at - a lot. People are asking me for my phone number. When I use a gender-neutral pronoun, glances are exchanged, and a few people say, "I see."
It wasn't until I noticed the little crosses on the napkins and a guy with a guitar started singing at the front that I realized oh, I have been jumped by a church service. And, you know, the irony of all this is that I don't mind attending the worship services of other faiths. I don't mind a bit. I love to share those things with people. What I do mind is the inherent dishonesty of someone inviting me to a "brunch" and then revealing to me at the last minute that oh, just incidentally, this is a church service. I refuse to lie to others and I really, really hate it when others practice deception with me.
At any rate, nothing happening in the service itself was offensive to me, so I opted to remain and indulge the joy of watching other people connect with the divine until I start getting into a deep conversation with my friend, who has....completely and totally changed. She said I had been "laid on her heart" since her apparent conversion and that she had a few things to discuss with me.
This friend knows all about me, and has for a very long time. There was a time when I trusted her deeply and felt very comfortably being emotionally "naked" with her. Today, I had to sit through a speech from her where she suggested I get counseling - counseling! - for my sexual orientation, and even went so far as to imply that my "gender problems" were the result of a "wicked world" in which "the perfect will of God" - a healthy, male or female body - was disrupted by "evil" and resulted in "anomalies" like me. She said that surgery, or counseling, or both, could help me "complete God's will in my life (a pseudo-Christian refrain on the secular version of "pick one, you damn genderqueering freak!")
I told her quietly and respectfully that my body was not the manifest corruption in that room of the interrupted will of the divine, although I could damn well find a few examples elsewhere. And then I left, and came home.
It saddens me. It saddens because I'm familiar with the teachings of Christ, and they aren't....that. It saddens me because I know several beautiful, loving Christians who have accepted me wholeheartedly, as is, and things like this reflect badly and undeservedly on them. It saddens me because I'm mourning the loss of a friend I once trusted so much. And it saddens me because again, as always, that not understood has become that which is reviled.
Meh.
I had surprise-church this morning.
A couple days ago an old, old friend of mine called and invited me to Sunday brunch. Hadn't seen her in ages, so I was kind of excited to meet up. She gives me the address of this "awesome little cafe." I go, and she's out there, and quickly enough I start noticing these weird, subtle things: it is a cafe, but all the people there are really fucking friendly, to the point where they're hugging me and saying hellos every time I move to get a cup of tea. I'm being looked at - a lot. People are asking me for my phone number. When I use a gender-neutral pronoun, glances are exchanged, and a few people say, "I see."
It wasn't until I noticed the little crosses on the napkins and a guy with a guitar started singing at the front that I realized oh, I have been jumped by a church service. And, you know, the irony of all this is that I don't mind attending the worship services of other faiths. I don't mind a bit. I love to share those things with people. What I do mind is the inherent dishonesty of someone inviting me to a "brunch" and then revealing to me at the last minute that oh, just incidentally, this is a church service. I refuse to lie to others and I really, really hate it when others practice deception with me.
At any rate, nothing happening in the service itself was offensive to me, so I opted to remain and indulge the joy of watching other people connect with the divine until I start getting into a deep conversation with my friend, who has....completely and totally changed. She said I had been "laid on her heart" since her apparent conversion and that she had a few things to discuss with me.
This friend knows all about me, and has for a very long time. There was a time when I trusted her deeply and felt very comfortably being emotionally "naked" with her. Today, I had to sit through a speech from her where she suggested I get counseling - counseling! - for my sexual orientation, and even went so far as to imply that my "gender problems" were the result of a "wicked world" in which "the perfect will of God" - a healthy, male or female body - was disrupted by "evil" and resulted in "anomalies" like me. She said that surgery, or counseling, or both, could help me "complete God's will in my life (a pseudo-Christian refrain on the secular version of "pick one, you damn genderqueering freak!")
I told her quietly and respectfully that my body was not the manifest corruption in that room of the interrupted will of the divine, although I could damn well find a few examples elsewhere. And then I left, and came home.
It saddens me. It saddens because I'm familiar with the teachings of Christ, and they aren't....that. It saddens me because I know several beautiful, loving Christians who have accepted me wholeheartedly, as is, and things like this reflect badly and undeservedly on them. It saddens me because I'm mourning the loss of a friend I once trusted so much. And it saddens me because again, as always, that not understood has become that which is reviled.
Meh.