Frustrations with some members of the trans community.
I understand how vital, for some transpeople, passing can be. It seems to me that it's vital for several reasons: 1) if you do indeed want to be perceived as the gender with which you identify, passing successfully is a large component of that, and it's often necessary for reassurance and validation, and 2) it cuts down on the potential, sometimes, for physical violence or dangerous situations (i.e., if you pass as a female, then you don't have to deal with sometimes-violent reactions if you're hanging out in a restroom, or some similar sort of place).
I understand this, and I understand that for some MtF and FtM transpeople this is particularly vital. I don't begrudge anyone that, and I understand especially why some people would want to pass perfectly. What disturbs me, rather, is when the concept of "passing" becomes the basis for the reestablishment of gender binaries for everyone else who happens to be a part of the trans community.
I have several trans friends (two of whom are MtF, and one of whom is FtM, the rest various shades o'genderqueer) who become constantly frustrated that I do not "pass," as it were. My androgyny always makes my gender presentation just ambiguous enough that people usually refuse to assume I'm female, and then refuse to assume I'm male. Even if I dress femme entirely, there's a hint that I'm not-really; even if I "dress boy" there's a hint I'm not-really. Even the genderqueer friends occasionally tell me it's wise to present a "certain" gender in public (if only, they say, for my own safety).
And you know what? Life is safer when you pass as a specific gender. I know this. I've been in plenty of places and gotten plenty of looks, I've been threatened, and once I had the shit beaten out of me on account of my androgyny. No one needs to tell me what gender-based hate is like. I know from experience. But I refuse to hide who I am, and I refuse to adopt a certain tone of voice so I come across as a specific gender, I refuse to walk a certain way, I refuse to wear certain things and be certain things.
I have one transfriend in particular who identifies as feminine, and out of a desire to pass adopts all things that to her are "feminine" - pink, pink, pink, submissive behaviors, certain mannerisms. If this is what makes her feel comfortable and safe, then I respect that, and respect her choices. But the problem comes when she insists that to pass every MtF needs to adhere to the same behaviors. (Some girls like to wear baseball caps and jeans, so why can't a transwoman do the same?) I don't object to every individual's right to identify as their gender, or to adhere to behaviors they believe are becoming of that gender, but I do object when those same behaviors are expected to apply to everybody else.
That does nothing more than reestablish the strict "girls wear pink frilly things and boys wear blue baseball caps" binaries that have haunted people like me, who deliberately choose in-between, who refuse to pass as one gender over another, ever since we've been born.
I understand this, and I understand that for some MtF and FtM transpeople this is particularly vital. I don't begrudge anyone that, and I understand especially why some people would want to pass perfectly. What disturbs me, rather, is when the concept of "passing" becomes the basis for the reestablishment of gender binaries for everyone else who happens to be a part of the trans community.
I have several trans friends (two of whom are MtF, and one of whom is FtM, the rest various shades o'genderqueer) who become constantly frustrated that I do not "pass," as it were. My androgyny always makes my gender presentation just ambiguous enough that people usually refuse to assume I'm female, and then refuse to assume I'm male. Even if I dress femme entirely, there's a hint that I'm not-really; even if I "dress boy" there's a hint I'm not-really. Even the genderqueer friends occasionally tell me it's wise to present a "certain" gender in public (if only, they say, for my own safety).
And you know what? Life is safer when you pass as a specific gender. I know this. I've been in plenty of places and gotten plenty of looks, I've been threatened, and once I had the shit beaten out of me on account of my androgyny. No one needs to tell me what gender-based hate is like. I know from experience. But I refuse to hide who I am, and I refuse to adopt a certain tone of voice so I come across as a specific gender, I refuse to walk a certain way, I refuse to wear certain things and be certain things.
I have one transfriend in particular who identifies as feminine, and out of a desire to pass adopts all things that to her are "feminine" - pink, pink, pink, submissive behaviors, certain mannerisms. If this is what makes her feel comfortable and safe, then I respect that, and respect her choices. But the problem comes when she insists that to pass every MtF needs to adhere to the same behaviors. (Some girls like to wear baseball caps and jeans, so why can't a transwoman do the same?) I don't object to every individual's right to identify as their gender, or to adhere to behaviors they believe are becoming of that gender, but I do object when those same behaviors are expected to apply to everybody else.
That does nothing more than reestablish the strict "girls wear pink frilly things and boys wear blue baseball caps" binaries that have haunted people like me, who deliberately choose in-between, who refuse to pass as one gender over another, ever since we've been born.