Mark.
A quote from Mark, early this morning:
"Isa! Isa! .....hey, Isa!"
"Hmm?"
"I just thought of something."
"What's that?"
"You're my midwife."
"....what?"
"You're my midwife, Isabel. You're helping to birth me into the next life. It's less scary that way, isn't it?"
I feel like a strange mix of shaman, incredibly old soul, healer, and young, frightened child. I don't know why, but for some reason Mark seems to glean the most from my presence and so, around him is where I stay. He isn't really able to keep down food now, but he has refused a feeding tube. He sleeps a lot, and is still fighting off the infection.
I refuse to believe that this is anywhere near the end, but my refusal to believe that tells me it very well may be.
I'm tired, and obviously quite occupied with all of this - this entry is coming in the hour I have free in the morning to shower, grab some breakfast, and doze before I head back down to sit with him some more. I apologize to those of you whom I know are concerned and haven't heard from me. I'll be back in communication soon.
For the time being it feels like I've taken all my emotions and knotted them up so I don't have to deal with them, which means an inevitable crash is awaiting me later. but that's alright. If a midwife is what I can be, then I will be the best midwife I can until later, when I no longer have to worry about it.
Until then, I cannot afford to waste my energy on anything else.
Love to all, and thank you so much for your kind words, support, encouragement, and prayers.
"Isa! Isa! .....hey, Isa!"
"Hmm?"
"I just thought of something."
"What's that?"
"You're my midwife."
"....what?"
"You're my midwife, Isabel. You're helping to birth me into the next life. It's less scary that way, isn't it?"
I feel like a strange mix of shaman, incredibly old soul, healer, and young, frightened child. I don't know why, but for some reason Mark seems to glean the most from my presence and so, around him is where I stay. He isn't really able to keep down food now, but he has refused a feeding tube. He sleeps a lot, and is still fighting off the infection.
I refuse to believe that this is anywhere near the end, but my refusal to believe that tells me it very well may be.
I'm tired, and obviously quite occupied with all of this - this entry is coming in the hour I have free in the morning to shower, grab some breakfast, and doze before I head back down to sit with him some more. I apologize to those of you whom I know are concerned and haven't heard from me. I'll be back in communication soon.
For the time being it feels like I've taken all my emotions and knotted them up so I don't have to deal with them, which means an inevitable crash is awaiting me later. but that's alright. If a midwife is what I can be, then I will be the best midwife I can until later, when I no longer have to worry about it.
Until then, I cannot afford to waste my energy on anything else.
Love to all, and thank you so much for your kind words, support, encouragement, and prayers.