(no subject)
don't you hate it when you want something so bad you can taste it, and it's subconciously rubbed in your face that you can't have it? yeah...i know the feeling. definately.
sometimes i think alot. sometimes i'm an asshole. sometimes i just don't know WHAT to do. then sometimes i do know what to do, but i don't want to. or i don't know how. or i'm too scared to. or too unsure. of myself...of everyone else...of everyTHING else. eh, i duno.
i'm in Kansas City right now, on my Aunt's laptop in the hotel, and i so desprately want to be home. things are all fucked up there, but at least i'll be able to try and work them out instead of being 300 miles away. eh, oh well i suppose. i think Darren hates me, and he probably has good reason. i feel like shit.
i visited my like, Great Great Uncle Keith tonight, and he looks so bad. it was so weird, becuase he's always been the really tall guy with all the jokes and the mad deep voice. now he's all shriveled up in a nursing home (which is at least nice), in a wheel chair with cancer and some form of Alzhiemers (i think). it's horrible how people can be so healthy one reunion, then 2 reunions later, they're like that. i saw him and wanted to cry...it was bad. i was like "wow. he was so freakin cool, and now this might be the last time i'll see him." i hope he's around next year. and the year after that, and the year after that, and the year after that, until forever. i hope all my family is. but what's the use of getting your hopes up?
these stupid reunions depress the hell out of me. all these people i've never seen before (or don't remember anyway), coming up to me, telling me how much i've grown, and how pretty i'm getting. it's the same line over and over. "Wow, Janna, you're turning into such a beautiful young lady! I havn't seen you since you were this (holds up hand to about knee height right here) tall! You've grown so much, you're almost a woman now! (walks off and calls out) SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!" yup. that's about it. from about 100 different people. every year of my life. i've come to dread coming to these things.
so wow, this is getting to be a mighty long post, but i seriously doubt anyone reads this thing anyway, so i suppose i'll keep going...
i miss my friends. not because i'm in Kansas, but because it seems like i don't have any anymore. i guess it's because i'm busy during the summer and the start of school with band and yearbook and all that, but still. i miss my friends. i made some new ones at yearbook camp, though, so hopefully that'll turn out to be a good thing. ||waves|| hiya Kaleb, my lerve!
hmmm...what else is there? i had so much on my mind earlier. i've been using Xanga alot latly. for the sole reason of bitching about people's poor grammatical skills, for the most part. www.xanga.com/tomwantsme ...go check it out yo.
other than that, i don't know what's going on anymore. i guess i'll just get home on Monday, and see if anything's okay again. i seriously doubt it will be, but hey, why not try and have something to look forward to? everyone try and have a fun/safe weekend, whoever everyone is. i seriously can't think of one person who reads this, but that's alright i suppose. goodbye.
sometimes i think alot. sometimes i'm an asshole. sometimes i just don't know WHAT to do. then sometimes i do know what to do, but i don't want to. or i don't know how. or i'm too scared to. or too unsure. of myself...of everyone else...of everyTHING else. eh, i duno.
i'm in Kansas City right now, on my Aunt's laptop in the hotel, and i so desprately want to be home. things are all fucked up there, but at least i'll be able to try and work them out instead of being 300 miles away. eh, oh well i suppose. i think Darren hates me, and he probably has good reason. i feel like shit.
i visited my like, Great Great Uncle Keith tonight, and he looks so bad. it was so weird, becuase he's always been the really tall guy with all the jokes and the mad deep voice. now he's all shriveled up in a nursing home (which is at least nice), in a wheel chair with cancer and some form of Alzhiemers (i think). it's horrible how people can be so healthy one reunion, then 2 reunions later, they're like that. i saw him and wanted to cry...it was bad. i was like "wow. he was so freakin cool, and now this might be the last time i'll see him." i hope he's around next year. and the year after that, and the year after that, and the year after that, until forever. i hope all my family is. but what's the use of getting your hopes up?
these stupid reunions depress the hell out of me. all these people i've never seen before (or don't remember anyway), coming up to me, telling me how much i've grown, and how pretty i'm getting. it's the same line over and over. "Wow, Janna, you're turning into such a beautiful young lady! I havn't seen you since you were this (holds up hand to about knee height right here) tall! You've grown so much, you're almost a woman now! (walks off and calls out) SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!" yup. that's about it. from about 100 different people. every year of my life. i've come to dread coming to these things.
so wow, this is getting to be a mighty long post, but i seriously doubt anyone reads this thing anyway, so i suppose i'll keep going...
i miss my friends. not because i'm in Kansas, but because it seems like i don't have any anymore. i guess it's because i'm busy during the summer and the start of school with band and yearbook and all that, but still. i miss my friends. i made some new ones at yearbook camp, though, so hopefully that'll turn out to be a good thing. ||waves|| hiya Kaleb, my lerve!
hmmm...what else is there? i had so much on my mind earlier. i've been using Xanga alot latly. for the sole reason of bitching about people's poor grammatical skills, for the most part. www.xanga.com/tomwantsme ...go check it out yo.
other than that, i don't know what's going on anymore. i guess i'll just get home on Monday, and see if anything's okay again. i seriously doubt it will be, but hey, why not try and have something to look forward to? everyone try and have a fun/safe weekend, whoever everyone is. i seriously can't think of one person who reads this, but that's alright i suppose. goodbye.