Collateral-related
I'm cheating a little - it's not actually slash, but a scene connected to Collateral. Think of it as the last scene after the credits. :)
Toys
Title: Toys
Status: Done
Authors: gileonnen and vashtan
Fandom: Iron Man (Iron Man filmverse)
Rating: Tame
Summary: This follows “Collateral” and provides a little more closure. It’s really fun and games.
Toys
Toys
Need U 2 approve new product lines. Meet me in office, be4 press conf. at 1500? Baker
Tony hated it when Baker used 24-hour time--not that he minded a little extra math in his day, but it grated on his sense of logic. 3pm--that was a whole fucking keystroke fewer than 1500. Any man who spelled ‘before’ with a numeral would go for the shorter version; it was consistent. There was Patrick Baker, though, flagrantly defying consistency. "What did the English language ever do to him?" Tony grumbled, selecting a tie for the press conference. Something green, to stand out against the power ties.
He met Baker in his office at precisely 3:00 post meridian, not bothering to knock before he entered. "Hey, talk to me about the product lines."
Baker had gone for the imperial look. The office looked like that of the head of a bank which had been around at least since the Renaissance, at first glance. All polished, dark wood, brass, real oil paintings, matching silk carpet. At second glance, it was less so: the glass front looked out over one of the large R&D labs of Stark Industries, and the huge canvas that hung on the other side was from the 1920-1930ies, all blocky male figures, abstract, working in what looked like steel works. Brash colors, red, yellow, sparks flying, bulging muscles and broad shoulders, bent low in the service of capitalism.
Baker was standing near the window, his jacket was off, he was wearing cufflinks made from obsidian and mother-of-pearl. “Have a look at this, Mr. Stark”, he said and held up what looked like a toy. A toy version of Iron Man. “The Japanese dig this. Sales forecast for Christmas is massive.”
Tony nearly did a double-take. A few of the details were off, some of them really off--the reactor was placed far too low, the angles clunky rather than streamlined. Like a mech in a Japanese cartoon, actually. Nonetheless, there was a kind of fascinating appeal to the little figure, like a fetish in a shrine. "That's--that's actually really flattering. It's fully posable, right?"
“Look at this.” Baker put the figure down, flicked a switch at the back, and the small eyes glowed, and the chest reactor also emitted a bluish light. He bent down a bit, and clearly said: “Who are you?”
“I am Iron Man.”
Baker laughed.
Tony knelt by the table, looking into the miniature eyes as fascinated as though it were a recursive algorithm. "What else does it do?"
“Has about a hundred pre-recorded soundbites… Some kids stuff… has a hidden cavity to hide things, records half an hour of whatever, and…” He indicated the head. “If you pull that off, USB stick. They say they might incorporate an MP3 player. Gotta love the Japanese.”
"No, no, no one's going to pull my head off and plug my neck into a USB port. That's not going to work." Tony poked the button again. “You are powerless, villain, for I fight for justice!” it proclaimed. "And let's stick to things I've actually said even once in my life, okay? I'm not Superman. I say badass things, not hokey rhetoric about how justice can beat, for example, a metric ton of ballistics."
“Their chief designer, Mr Takahatsu, will certainly take your feedback on board; if you want to make the little guy very happy, record them some new soundbites… which would be a good bargaining chip to drive up the licensing fee and the cut from the profits. The Real, the Invincible Iron Man, spoken by the Man Himself.” Baker’s eyes gleamed, like always when he was imagining large sums of money. “He says if this takes off like they expect, they are going to do a whole series … plus animated series. Manga, too.” He pointed at his desk. “I have the character sketches here. Would you prefer to fight evil aliens or some kind of Nazi conspiracy? They say al Quaeda is out, though. They have too much of a market in Saudi Arabia.”
Tony looked up, frowning. "No aliens. No Nazis. For fuck's sake, we've got enough real bad guys running around, with the weapons dealers and the terrorists-“
“It should still be suitable for children”, Baker chided softly.
“Look, manga's going too far. I mean, it's not like I can stop people from writing about me, but at least I can keep from authorizing it.”
“You can stop it. That suit is trademarked. We can hit them with half a dozen lawsuits protecting your honor, integrity, and the commercial use of your image. I had that checked.”
"Uh, sure, I've seen that work with Harry Potter in China. And what the fuck are you talking about, a series of action figures? Who else would they--figure...ize?"
"These are the Japanese. They know the concept 'intellectual property.' Iron Man gets a whole family… Let’s see." He waved Tony over to his desk, where poster-sized character studies were spread out. "There’s the love interest, Charlene, war correspondent. You fell in love after she helped your escape in Afghanistan. There’s your reformed enemy, ‘The Mercenary’, who used to work for the bad side and then you spared him and he’s now working for you."
Tony snorted, tracing the outlines of the Mercenary. "Okay, I could kind of believe that one. But seriously, falling in love? And with a war correspondent? I'd be so busy saving her ass that I wouldn't have time to do anything else. You want to make a figure of someone who helped me escape Afghanistan, do a doctor about fifty, sixty years old."
"Apparently saving her a few times is part of the plotline." Baker smiled. "Mr. Stark, it’s still kid’s stuff. Teaching them values and all that. Of course it simplifies things. I’m not sure how many pre-teens get the concept of ‘hedonistic playboy billionaire’. This age needs heroes, or at least the entertainment industry does, because it sells. People want their troubles fixed so they don’t have to get off their lazy arses, pardon my French." He shrugged. "And if we make a buck with that, what is the damage?"
Tony closed his hand over the miniature Iron Man. "You know, maybe it's better if I'm not a keychain or an action figure or a USB drive."
"Oh Christ. These guys would feed from your hands if you were playing them right. I can play them for you, but you have to give me something to work with."
"No. I want people getting off their asses once in a while. I'm great with hero worship and totally encourage it, but this... I'm doing my best to be a real fucking hero. They don't need made-up heroes. They've got me."
“Okay. Okay.” Baker raised his hands, which always meant he gave Tony more rope. “Just the Iron Man figure then. No series. USB-stick could be put in a foot or something.”
Tony shook his head, more as though waking from a dream than anything else. He put his hands in his jacket pockets, looking from the action figure to Baker. "Your idea, right? You pitched this to them. Not them to you."
“We got talking after a conference-got pissed together in a Karaoke-bar. It was my way of drowning out this little man singing ‘My Way’ by Frankie.”
"Right, that's what I thought. Your idea." Tony freed one hand from his jacket pocket, took the little figurine, and stowed his hand again.
Baker seemed cautious now, not sure whether Tony would tell him to stop being so smart and keep out of product development or could still be brought round to his version.
"Yeah, sure, do the action figure. No USB drive. I want the next mock-up fully posable, okay? Then I'll consider it. The knees don't even bend on this one. It's a piece of crap as a toy." Tony grinned. "And I want a line of attachable weapons. You were a kid once, right? You know it's all about the weapons."
“What about the soundbites?”
"If you can come up with ten soundbites that don't sound like lame comic-book ripoffs, I'll do that."
“You’d know what you would say, Mr. Stark. I’m only badass in the boardroom, and I’m not sure ‘watch the stock price’ is quite up there with ‘I am Iron Man’.” Baker took the pile of posters and rolled them up. “But yes. I’ll get to it. And there’s another one… French company is launching what they call smart food. ‘Eat like a genius’. They want you to endorse their fortified range.” Baker was now far more cautious. “Nutritionally, all that makes sense… Wholemeal, added calcium, balanced, Low GI… It’s pretty healthy.”
"No. Have them get some athlete to endorse it. Soccer's big over there, right? Tell them to get... whoever plays soccer... to do it."
“It’s smart food. How many athletes do you know who can put a grammatically correct sentence together? You are a living genius. You are popular, attractive…” Baker faltered for a moment, then went on as if he hadn’t, “Smart food. For clever people.”
"And I'm a genius whether I'm eating chili dogs or grapefruit. Tell them to rethink their marketing strategy until they can find someone who actually got smart eating their food."
Baker rolled his eyes, but knew, by now, when Tony would not budge and when he should give up, at least for the moment. Sometimes he reworked proposals, hoping Tony didn’t recognize them. Or at least that he had identified the most offending detail and eliminated it.
Disregarding the imperial majesty of Baker's desk, Tony moved to sit on the dark wood where the posters had been resting. "You think I'm attractive, huh?"
“Me, gay America and female America … so what?”
"I kind of thought you had a thing for Pepper, that's all. But if you were trying to use her to get to me, I completely understand."
”I do have a thing for Pepper, sir.” Baker straightened. “Rather a serious thing, too, if I may be so bold.” His Englishness bled through the American corporate he played most of the time, together with the accent growing stronger.
Tony's expression grew, if possible, more self-satisfied. "And just kind of a casual thing for me."
“I am not sure I like the direction this is going, sir,” Baker said, standing ramrod-straight like a British officer in a costume drama.
"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I like it." Tony reached out, almost elaborately casual, and untucked Baker's tie from his jacket.
Baker looked down at his tie, his Adam’s apple moved slightly. “I emphatically stress that it’s not true what they say about public schools in Britain, sir.”
"So tell me to stop sexually harassing you."
Baker looked uncomfortable, his stiff upper lip didn’t seem very convincing, either. “I am in love with Miss Potts, sir. I intend to propose to her, with your kind permission.”
"You don't need my permission. I'm not your dad, and I'm definitely not hers."
“Well, she’s your PA and confidante, strictly speaking. You may feel that at this level, affairs and marriages do… affect the company.”
Tony let go of Baker's tie, leaning back on the desk. "You think she'll say yes?"
“Tiffany’s in London said they’d take the ring back, but I’m confident.” Baker swallowed and straightened his tie, looking a little flustered.
Tony was looking past him, though, out the broad windows. "She likes to be romanced. Dancing, candlelight, an excuse to wear a nice dress... she'll like a Tiffany ring." He turned back to Baker with a smile. "She's been really happy since she started working with you. But if you break her heart, I swear you will never have a job here or anywhere else in this country. Ever again."
Baker swallowed. “Yes, sir. It was rather unexpected for me as well, I was not intending to make such a commitment unless I’m hitting about forty, but it happened. I promise that this will not affect my performance negatively.” His hands on his back, he looked exceedingly formal right now, and very serious. “I do… remember the night of the first presentation, sir. And… the impression that you’ve had of me.”
That formality was amusing, after Baker's animated defense of an Iron Man manga--but for the sake of Pepper's possible future husband, Tony kept a straight face. "Are you going to tell me that I was wrong?"
“Do you think I’m the kind of man who’d sleep himself to such a position? Or that I thought… you’d hire somebody who would?”
"Obviously not, since I hired you."
Baker exhaled and relief washed across his handsome features. “My integrity is very important for me. It is the currency with which I represent your company. Which I use with the charities, the NGOs, with your managers, workers, suppliers, joint venture partners. I did not wish you see me as a man who would further his career that way.”
Tony slid down from the desk, straightening his trousers. "But you still flirt."
Baker inhaled deeply. “I did.” He turned away and went to look out of the window down into the research lab, where people in white lab coats were working. He placed a hand on the glass, as if he had to convince himself of the barrier.
"So." Tony looked down as well, following his gaze. Some of his own R&D kids were down there, learning their craft in the trenches; some of them might even be decent engineers one day. "Time to get to that meeting, Mr. Baker?"
“Yes.” Baker straightened again and turned around. “Time to tell Mr Takahatsu about the toy range. And then we’ll step out and tell the world about our cooperation in the toy sector and the quarterly report, of course.”
"Right, the quarterly report." Tony had been dreading the quarterly report. "And Mr. Baker?"
Baker checked himself in a mirror, briefly, then looked at Tony. “Sir?”
"Does Pepper know about this crush of yours?"
“No, sir. Since nothing happened, and it never became pertinent…”
"Well. Maybe I'll ask if she's willing to lend her husband out a little." He held open the door for Baker, gesturing him through it.
Baker crossed the line from embarrassment to pure brazen courage. It wasn’t easy to embarrass him, and he hated that with a passion, but if given half a chance, he bounced back, fiercely, and now Tony had pushed him too far. “Maybe ask her for a threesome.” He gave Tony a wink, then stepped into the boardroom, calm and collected, to hand out the quarterlies.
Toys
Title: Toys
Status: Done
Authors: gileonnen and vashtan
Fandom: Iron Man (Iron Man filmverse)
Rating: Tame
Summary: This follows “Collateral” and provides a little more closure. It’s really fun and games.
Toys
Toys
Need U 2 approve new product lines. Meet me in office, be4 press conf. at 1500? Baker
Tony hated it when Baker used 24-hour time--not that he minded a little extra math in his day, but it grated on his sense of logic. 3pm--that was a whole fucking keystroke fewer than 1500. Any man who spelled ‘before’ with a numeral would go for the shorter version; it was consistent. There was Patrick Baker, though, flagrantly defying consistency. "What did the English language ever do to him?" Tony grumbled, selecting a tie for the press conference. Something green, to stand out against the power ties.
He met Baker in his office at precisely 3:00 post meridian, not bothering to knock before he entered. "Hey, talk to me about the product lines."
Baker had gone for the imperial look. The office looked like that of the head of a bank which had been around at least since the Renaissance, at first glance. All polished, dark wood, brass, real oil paintings, matching silk carpet. At second glance, it was less so: the glass front looked out over one of the large R&D labs of Stark Industries, and the huge canvas that hung on the other side was from the 1920-1930ies, all blocky male figures, abstract, working in what looked like steel works. Brash colors, red, yellow, sparks flying, bulging muscles and broad shoulders, bent low in the service of capitalism.
Baker was standing near the window, his jacket was off, he was wearing cufflinks made from obsidian and mother-of-pearl. “Have a look at this, Mr. Stark”, he said and held up what looked like a toy. A toy version of Iron Man. “The Japanese dig this. Sales forecast for Christmas is massive.”
Tony nearly did a double-take. A few of the details were off, some of them really off--the reactor was placed far too low, the angles clunky rather than streamlined. Like a mech in a Japanese cartoon, actually. Nonetheless, there was a kind of fascinating appeal to the little figure, like a fetish in a shrine. "That's--that's actually really flattering. It's fully posable, right?"
“Look at this.” Baker put the figure down, flicked a switch at the back, and the small eyes glowed, and the chest reactor also emitted a bluish light. He bent down a bit, and clearly said: “Who are you?”
“I am Iron Man.”
Baker laughed.
Tony knelt by the table, looking into the miniature eyes as fascinated as though it were a recursive algorithm. "What else does it do?"
“Has about a hundred pre-recorded soundbites… Some kids stuff… has a hidden cavity to hide things, records half an hour of whatever, and…” He indicated the head. “If you pull that off, USB stick. They say they might incorporate an MP3 player. Gotta love the Japanese.”
"No, no, no one's going to pull my head off and plug my neck into a USB port. That's not going to work." Tony poked the button again. “You are powerless, villain, for I fight for justice!” it proclaimed. "And let's stick to things I've actually said even once in my life, okay? I'm not Superman. I say badass things, not hokey rhetoric about how justice can beat, for example, a metric ton of ballistics."
“Their chief designer, Mr Takahatsu, will certainly take your feedback on board; if you want to make the little guy very happy, record them some new soundbites… which would be a good bargaining chip to drive up the licensing fee and the cut from the profits. The Real, the Invincible Iron Man, spoken by the Man Himself.” Baker’s eyes gleamed, like always when he was imagining large sums of money. “He says if this takes off like they expect, they are going to do a whole series … plus animated series. Manga, too.” He pointed at his desk. “I have the character sketches here. Would you prefer to fight evil aliens or some kind of Nazi conspiracy? They say al Quaeda is out, though. They have too much of a market in Saudi Arabia.”
Tony looked up, frowning. "No aliens. No Nazis. For fuck's sake, we've got enough real bad guys running around, with the weapons dealers and the terrorists-“
“It should still be suitable for children”, Baker chided softly.
“Look, manga's going too far. I mean, it's not like I can stop people from writing about me, but at least I can keep from authorizing it.”
“You can stop it. That suit is trademarked. We can hit them with half a dozen lawsuits protecting your honor, integrity, and the commercial use of your image. I had that checked.”
"Uh, sure, I've seen that work with Harry Potter in China. And what the fuck are you talking about, a series of action figures? Who else would they--figure...ize?"
"These are the Japanese. They know the concept 'intellectual property.' Iron Man gets a whole family… Let’s see." He waved Tony over to his desk, where poster-sized character studies were spread out. "There’s the love interest, Charlene, war correspondent. You fell in love after she helped your escape in Afghanistan. There’s your reformed enemy, ‘The Mercenary’, who used to work for the bad side and then you spared him and he’s now working for you."
Tony snorted, tracing the outlines of the Mercenary. "Okay, I could kind of believe that one. But seriously, falling in love? And with a war correspondent? I'd be so busy saving her ass that I wouldn't have time to do anything else. You want to make a figure of someone who helped me escape Afghanistan, do a doctor about fifty, sixty years old."
"Apparently saving her a few times is part of the plotline." Baker smiled. "Mr. Stark, it’s still kid’s stuff. Teaching them values and all that. Of course it simplifies things. I’m not sure how many pre-teens get the concept of ‘hedonistic playboy billionaire’. This age needs heroes, or at least the entertainment industry does, because it sells. People want their troubles fixed so they don’t have to get off their lazy arses, pardon my French." He shrugged. "And if we make a buck with that, what is the damage?"
Tony closed his hand over the miniature Iron Man. "You know, maybe it's better if I'm not a keychain or an action figure or a USB drive."
"Oh Christ. These guys would feed from your hands if you were playing them right. I can play them for you, but you have to give me something to work with."
"No. I want people getting off their asses once in a while. I'm great with hero worship and totally encourage it, but this... I'm doing my best to be a real fucking hero. They don't need made-up heroes. They've got me."
“Okay. Okay.” Baker raised his hands, which always meant he gave Tony more rope. “Just the Iron Man figure then. No series. USB-stick could be put in a foot or something.”
Tony shook his head, more as though waking from a dream than anything else. He put his hands in his jacket pockets, looking from the action figure to Baker. "Your idea, right? You pitched this to them. Not them to you."
“We got talking after a conference-got pissed together in a Karaoke-bar. It was my way of drowning out this little man singing ‘My Way’ by Frankie.”
"Right, that's what I thought. Your idea." Tony freed one hand from his jacket pocket, took the little figurine, and stowed his hand again.
Baker seemed cautious now, not sure whether Tony would tell him to stop being so smart and keep out of product development or could still be brought round to his version.
"Yeah, sure, do the action figure. No USB drive. I want the next mock-up fully posable, okay? Then I'll consider it. The knees don't even bend on this one. It's a piece of crap as a toy." Tony grinned. "And I want a line of attachable weapons. You were a kid once, right? You know it's all about the weapons."
“What about the soundbites?”
"If you can come up with ten soundbites that don't sound like lame comic-book ripoffs, I'll do that."
“You’d know what you would say, Mr. Stark. I’m only badass in the boardroom, and I’m not sure ‘watch the stock price’ is quite up there with ‘I am Iron Man’.” Baker took the pile of posters and rolled them up. “But yes. I’ll get to it. And there’s another one… French company is launching what they call smart food. ‘Eat like a genius’. They want you to endorse their fortified range.” Baker was now far more cautious. “Nutritionally, all that makes sense… Wholemeal, added calcium, balanced, Low GI… It’s pretty healthy.”
"No. Have them get some athlete to endorse it. Soccer's big over there, right? Tell them to get... whoever plays soccer... to do it."
“It’s smart food. How many athletes do you know who can put a grammatically correct sentence together? You are a living genius. You are popular, attractive…” Baker faltered for a moment, then went on as if he hadn’t, “Smart food. For clever people.”
"And I'm a genius whether I'm eating chili dogs or grapefruit. Tell them to rethink their marketing strategy until they can find someone who actually got smart eating their food."
Baker rolled his eyes, but knew, by now, when Tony would not budge and when he should give up, at least for the moment. Sometimes he reworked proposals, hoping Tony didn’t recognize them. Or at least that he had identified the most offending detail and eliminated it.
Disregarding the imperial majesty of Baker's desk, Tony moved to sit on the dark wood where the posters had been resting. "You think I'm attractive, huh?"
“Me, gay America and female America … so what?”
"I kind of thought you had a thing for Pepper, that's all. But if you were trying to use her to get to me, I completely understand."
”I do have a thing for Pepper, sir.” Baker straightened. “Rather a serious thing, too, if I may be so bold.” His Englishness bled through the American corporate he played most of the time, together with the accent growing stronger.
Tony's expression grew, if possible, more self-satisfied. "And just kind of a casual thing for me."
“I am not sure I like the direction this is going, sir,” Baker said, standing ramrod-straight like a British officer in a costume drama.
"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I like it." Tony reached out, almost elaborately casual, and untucked Baker's tie from his jacket.
Baker looked down at his tie, his Adam’s apple moved slightly. “I emphatically stress that it’s not true what they say about public schools in Britain, sir.”
"So tell me to stop sexually harassing you."
Baker looked uncomfortable, his stiff upper lip didn’t seem very convincing, either. “I am in love with Miss Potts, sir. I intend to propose to her, with your kind permission.”
"You don't need my permission. I'm not your dad, and I'm definitely not hers."
“Well, she’s your PA and confidante, strictly speaking. You may feel that at this level, affairs and marriages do… affect the company.”
Tony let go of Baker's tie, leaning back on the desk. "You think she'll say yes?"
“Tiffany’s in London said they’d take the ring back, but I’m confident.” Baker swallowed and straightened his tie, looking a little flustered.
Tony was looking past him, though, out the broad windows. "She likes to be romanced. Dancing, candlelight, an excuse to wear a nice dress... she'll like a Tiffany ring." He turned back to Baker with a smile. "She's been really happy since she started working with you. But if you break her heart, I swear you will never have a job here or anywhere else in this country. Ever again."
Baker swallowed. “Yes, sir. It was rather unexpected for me as well, I was not intending to make such a commitment unless I’m hitting about forty, but it happened. I promise that this will not affect my performance negatively.” His hands on his back, he looked exceedingly formal right now, and very serious. “I do… remember the night of the first presentation, sir. And… the impression that you’ve had of me.”
That formality was amusing, after Baker's animated defense of an Iron Man manga--but for the sake of Pepper's possible future husband, Tony kept a straight face. "Are you going to tell me that I was wrong?"
“Do you think I’m the kind of man who’d sleep himself to such a position? Or that I thought… you’d hire somebody who would?”
"Obviously not, since I hired you."
Baker exhaled and relief washed across his handsome features. “My integrity is very important for me. It is the currency with which I represent your company. Which I use with the charities, the NGOs, with your managers, workers, suppliers, joint venture partners. I did not wish you see me as a man who would further his career that way.”
Tony slid down from the desk, straightening his trousers. "But you still flirt."
Baker inhaled deeply. “I did.” He turned away and went to look out of the window down into the research lab, where people in white lab coats were working. He placed a hand on the glass, as if he had to convince himself of the barrier.
"So." Tony looked down as well, following his gaze. Some of his own R&D kids were down there, learning their craft in the trenches; some of them might even be decent engineers one day. "Time to get to that meeting, Mr. Baker?"
“Yes.” Baker straightened again and turned around. “Time to tell Mr Takahatsu about the toy range. And then we’ll step out and tell the world about our cooperation in the toy sector and the quarterly report, of course.”
"Right, the quarterly report." Tony had been dreading the quarterly report. "And Mr. Baker?"
Baker checked himself in a mirror, briefly, then looked at Tony. “Sir?”
"Does Pepper know about this crush of yours?"
“No, sir. Since nothing happened, and it never became pertinent…”
"Well. Maybe I'll ask if she's willing to lend her husband out a little." He held open the door for Baker, gesturing him through it.
Baker crossed the line from embarrassment to pure brazen courage. It wasn’t easy to embarrass him, and he hated that with a passion, but if given half a chance, he bounced back, fiercely, and now Tony had pushed him too far. “Maybe ask her for a threesome.” He gave Tony a wink, then stepped into the boardroom, calm and collected, to hand out the quarterlies.