change

[ironman590]

its been 128 weeks since i have graced this escape from reality with my presence. 128 weeks... has it been that long? in that time their have been changes. changes occur day to day without a notice in a short period of time without a second thought of what exactly is affected by such. we have seen the dawn of a new erra, hystory in the making right before our youthfull eyes. changes that will affect us for the rest of our lives. a needless war unfolding to a failing economy. the dawning of the hybrid age where gasoline is shortly becoming a driven obsession of the past. most surprisingly of all the inaugeration of an african american president. these are all things that im sure we all thought of in our youth as things that were mere possibilities, now becoming reality. i can see myself 128 weeks ago, a cocky, smart, but still a punk of a kid with his whole life in front of him shrouded by the overwhelming thought of what next? in the elapsed time from then i have made a few substantially poor choices trying to decide what was next in life. another thing in life some of us hardly put enough thought into is the choices we make in life and how they effect the future choices we make based upon the ones before. i bet that if your reading this right now and you sat back and really thought hard about, you could find that one choice that changed the way you now live your life. i have regrets for almolst every choice ive made in the last 128 weeks. i would have to say that my biggest regret of them all is not realizing love and freindship. letting go of those i cared about and not even trying to work at getting them back the way i should have. dropping out of school was not such a hot idea but at the time it seemed like making money and getting actual job experience would benefit me more than some peice of paper to hang on my wall as a crudential ever would. only if i had known that in a few short years hundreds of thousands of americans would be unemployed due to a failing economy, including myself, but i cannot blame this for the blatent fact of my current job situation. no... i can thank drugs and alcohol for that. in making my choices i made the one choice that no one should make, and that is to ruin your life by turning to drugs and alcohol as an escape to deal with your troubles and stress. of course going out and havin a few is fine, im all for it, but there is a point of no return that lies shrouded with curtains of promise and leisure, clouds of a taste of heaven that quickly turn to dust in the after affect. i have lost everything and have no one to blame for these losses but myself. freinds i once have think of me with disgust, and i know why. it has taken me some time to admit this fact and such is that i turned my back on all of you for somthing that inevitably ruined everything i had going for me. i let everyone down. i dont have much to say to you, for i know not what exacly to say other than that from the deepest crevice of my heart i am sorry. i cannot find the words to describe to you how sorry i am for turning my back on you. i understand the some of you will never think those same thoughts of freindship as you once did and i have come to accept that. i just ask that you forgive me and i hope that one day we can go one as freinds. it has been a dark and winding road for me and the road got darker before it bacame light again. amidst all the turmoil emurged a delapidated version of what i called life for me to gradually rebuild into something i can mold into a masterpeice, a masterpeice unique to me, what all of us have, a slowly revolving potters wheel with a big chunk of clay on it that we mold by into lifes masterpeice by making choices. we all start with this big heaping pile of damp stinky clay that, by making our choices, affect the way that heaping pile becomes scolpted into that in witch describes our existance, our personality of you will. of course some are better than others but they are all beautiful in your each unique way. not too long ago i decided to scrap mine and begin and do it over. im a do over. my lifes a do over, and im cool with that. i can now learn from my mistakes and begin to sculpt a true master peice of life. i hope that in this masterpeice there is room for true love and freindship. more changes for the better based on the right choices to make. i hope that there is room for forgivness from all those who i hurt and abused. you can call this my admission of guilt, to all those who have been hurt by my hand and wrong doing, i have been a bad man and i promise you all that i will do my best to never let you down again, for as long as i shall live.
and in keeping good form........ this is ironman, singing out, may all of you tuned in to tonights broadcast have the sun on your shoulders and the wind at your back.