(no subject)
I can't really feel all that much anymore. I am completely empty.
I hate this feeling.
When I am out, and even ATTEMPTING to have fun, I feel like I shouldn't be, because I am betraying my sister and should be there, in the hospital room, instead.
But I hate being there.
The way the naso-gastric tube curls from her nostril outwards, pulling on her face, with the green bile oozing outwards from her insides. The way that when she sleeps her eyes look half open, almost as if she is watching, waiting for someone to perform yet another procedure on her.
Its been 23 days now. Far too long to watch someone lie in the same hospital bed, day after day, doing nothing but trying to get well, reaching, hoping to finally leave and take that IV out...and failing.
I still can't feel anything at all. The happiness and love in my heart that I got from just a little while ago is fleeting every fucking time I am there. It's like a cancer.
If only there was something I could do to help.
I hate this feeling.
When I am out, and even ATTEMPTING to have fun, I feel like I shouldn't be, because I am betraying my sister and should be there, in the hospital room, instead.
But I hate being there.
The way the naso-gastric tube curls from her nostril outwards, pulling on her face, with the green bile oozing outwards from her insides. The way that when she sleeps her eyes look half open, almost as if she is watching, waiting for someone to perform yet another procedure on her.
Its been 23 days now. Far too long to watch someone lie in the same hospital bed, day after day, doing nothing but trying to get well, reaching, hoping to finally leave and take that IV out...and failing.
I still can't feel anything at all. The happiness and love in my heart that I got from just a little while ago is fleeting every fucking time I am there. It's like a cancer.
If only there was something I could do to help.