(no subject)
My head is FULL of unfinished buisness. Im so lost and confused right now, for some reason I feel as though im about to die, like I was given 2 days to live and I have to go back and take care of everything before its to late. What I have to realize is that I need to just calm down and not be so freaking out. One of my main things that is now on my head is that I have to talk to Jeff Edwards. He gave me an awsome compliment to me at church this morning but what kills me the most is that... if only he knew. He was talking about how much I have changed in the last year or 2 of my life. He was my guidance counselor in High School and well I was a messed up little juvenille. But anyways he complimented me on how much I have changed and how happy I am now and stuff. He was so proud of me, but the thing was is that he doens't know me at all. He might have known me a couple of years ago and well he knew alot about me actually but what he doens't know is how I have gotton worse in some perspectives. My life is not at all near what it should be. I have so much to conquer yet, its really scary but I do. Now I wish that I would have talked to him about what I was really thinking in my head. I'm glad to see that people think im really happy, thats a good thing... that means that the mask I have on is really working. Its just like im stuck between 2 different worlds right now. I know which one I should choose and it shouldn't be as hard of a decision as it is, BUT.. it is.
This is just a little something I put together on the computer about how I feel. The picture is based off of Salvador Dali's painting "The Rose" one of my favorites by him. All around the rose is different perspectives of how my mind works and feels.