Art v. Life
I remember when I could see a shadow on the road and find beauty in it. I remember when music sounded real and new every time I replayed that song. I remember when I could actively express myself through words. I remember when I could take a photograph and feel it. Where has that me gone? I feel so drained of problem-solving creativity, that I have no artistic creativity left in my body. It has been months since I’ve gotten that feeling of connecting with a new song, or finding real meaning in an old one. I am not surrounded by art, or people who believe in it. It's not that they don't feel it or believe it...it's just not the time or the place. I work all day, come home to my empty apartment at night. I dream of photographing Italy, but I can't even get (or take) a picture that I feel accurately expresses me on a futile profile. I am utterly consumed and dedicated to my job. I love what I do. But I need art in my life! I need artistic creativity. I am void of it all. It’s been gone for so very long, I can’t even think of how to get it back. Summer 2005 was the last time that I created something that I’m proud of. I have since tried, but there’s nothing there. I am stumped. I have all the resources. Supplies, time, dedication. Where is my inspiration? I am inspired every day by the people that I work with and work for. Their stories, their lives, their dedication and drive. I can’t translate that. It’s a different type of inspiration that I’m looking for. Purely aesthetic, that may someday become something more. I need some film for my K1000. I need to learn how to use that flash. I need to use it everyday. I need to record what is inspiring me in some way. I need to get out of here! Those two girls who tore me apart deciding between a carrier in art and therapeutic recreation are at it again. Something has to change!