(no subject)
Somethings wrong with me. I just can't get satisfied with anything at all. I'm not happy with my friends or my softball or my family or my schoolwork or anything. I don't really know what to do about it or why it is around. I THINK I know... I think it started when Matt dumped me. And since him and I havn't had any guys to like or who liked me or anything of the sort. And I guess I went through a month of that after me and Zach broke up too... I guess it's just a repeating pattern, but it's stupid, cause we only went out for a week and it hardly counts in my opinion. So yeah... I'm not satisfied with him. And then their's all the girls too. I don't have a best friend anymore. My best friend picked up a boyfriend a year and almost a half ago and well... I wouldn't say its all gone downhill from there. Cause it hasn't, not really... it took a little while. Till she started calling HIS nephew HER nephew and saying she was going to marry him. I don't know when that was... but I know it's been around five months since things have really felt right between the two of us. I talk to her boyfriend more then I talk to her. I guess part of that is that I actually have classes with him and I don't have any with her... but I always thought our friendship was strong enough to withstand a year of no classes together. And then Rachel... well now that basketball is over I just don't see that much of her. Which sucks too, but idk... it was starting to occur to me that she spent a lot of time judging. At least I felt that way. I felt like that anything I did was TOTALLY wrong in her eyes. Well THAT'S not a fun feeling to have. So that one is sucking too. And then you've got my mom... she doesn't seem to trust me at all. Actually I KNOW she doesn't trust me at all. She flat out told me that she didn't trust me because I'm a teenager and teenagers just are not to be trusted apparently. And she thinks I smoke pot. She asked me the other day if I smoked pot?!? Does anybody have any idea what a horrendous thing that is to me? I do NOT like pot, I mean... it smells alright and shit... and I'm not going to hold it against anyone who smokes it or anything (unless they just do it ALL the time) but ME.. SMOKING POT... NOT going to happen anytime soon. The stuff tastes just plain aweful. And then my mom decided to smooth the situation over by telling me that she thought that if I ever smoke pot, then I would fall asleep. Lovelyniss. I'm so fucking tired of being so laid back. It seems like that's all anybody's ever got to say about me. "Your really laid back Danielle." "You seem high all the time Danielle." Blablabla. What a shit load of...crap. And then the stupid kitchen... does ANYBODY know how to put ONE dish in the DISHWASER??? NO, of course not. Why would we think to do that?! Why would we put the BUTTER back in the refrigerator... MOTHER who always complains about people not cleaning up after themselves??? I swear I clean that damn thing two times a day... on days when I'm only home for FOUR hours. That doesn't count the weekend when I swear I load and unload the dishwasher at least 5 times. Good God... what an annoying chore... it really needs to get split up between me and my siblings. And then the wether... fucking cold as all. Why can't it just get warm and stay warm? Noooo, it has to get warm one day, and then be cold for a week. We HAVE to confuse the poor helpless little North Carolinians. Ugh, ugh ugh. And then softball... can we NOT go there? Bowers is so putting a dent in my mood already. I mean... I KNOW I'm not supposed to listen to what he has to say. But being out there EVERYDAY. Well I mean, you can't help but just pick up some stuff. And it is sooo TOTALLY pissing me off. I did not get on base ONE time at our game today. What kind of crap is THAT? Ugh, and then of course I had to drop the fucking ball at third... so I didn't make the play and... well that run scored and what did we lose by? ONE. Of course. I mean, how else could it have gone? I NEVER drop the ball. On a rare occasion I drop the ball.. but this time... well i just HAD to drop it. Of course. Bleck. Choak and Croak. And then there are other people that like no matter who it is that your interested in, it's wrong. Cause it is just like impossible to pick up a guy who people are actually going to approve of. And I mean, it's not like I've ever actually listened to people when they talk their shit, but it sure as hell get's old after a while. And then... I hate to even get into this one again... but why not? {HIM} the reason that I can't get my head out of the dirt. I bet I could blame this whole thing on him. But I'd rather not do that. It's all depressing and I have nothing new to say about it since absolutely NOTHING has changed, or ever is going to change for that matter. I mean, there's still the whole, I keep feeling like it will crap, but I really KNOW that it won't but I can't except it and it's getting old and thinking about it is pissing me off.... which I guess in all actuallity is better then being all depressed like... but... IDK, whatever.... I'm tired of complaining so I think... well that'll be it for tonight... sorry to bore all of you.