(no subject)
I don't know if I can even begin to explain what has happened to me since the last time I wrote.
Suffice to say, my life has taken a large nose dive. Everything is about the same except my relationship.
I love my boyfriend so much. But now he's not here and I can barely see him. It's a long story and I don't think I can even get into it, but let me just tell you, it sucks. And its hard. And it hurts.
I saw him this morning and he was supposed to stay here tonight so that we could actually spend time together. Since he moved back south two weeks ago I have seen him maybe....five times? And never for more than a few hours. And I was so excited and I was looking forward to it all week and so was he. And then he called me at like 2:30 this afternoon to tell me his boss told him that he had to take some union rep out to dinner. And he's prolly gonna have to take him out drinking too. Which means if he does come back here tonight, its gonna be late and I will most likely be in bed, and he has to be at the airport by like 5am anyway cause he's going to Florida tomorrow. So basically, now I am here by myself. Crying. I don't want to cry. I know he feels guilty and I know he has no choice about this.
I just miss him so much.
I don't know what's harder right now- staying with him or leaving him. I love him so much and I don't know what I would do without him but this is hard and it hurts and I don't know if I can do this either.
When I came home there was a bouquet of roses and a card that made me bawl that he left on my kitchen table.
I know he loves me. And I know he wishes things were different. And I know they will be, but I don't know when. And I don't know if I can keep doing this.
But I also know that he's worth it to me. Out of any man I have ever known in my entire life, none of them were worth going through this. But I really believe he is.
*sigh*
I am just so sick of crying.
I want my happy life back. I want my boyfriend back. I want to not feel like this anymore.
I sometimes worry I will never be allowed to be happy.
Suffice to say, my life has taken a large nose dive. Everything is about the same except my relationship.
I love my boyfriend so much. But now he's not here and I can barely see him. It's a long story and I don't think I can even get into it, but let me just tell you, it sucks. And its hard. And it hurts.
I saw him this morning and he was supposed to stay here tonight so that we could actually spend time together. Since he moved back south two weeks ago I have seen him maybe....five times? And never for more than a few hours. And I was so excited and I was looking forward to it all week and so was he. And then he called me at like 2:30 this afternoon to tell me his boss told him that he had to take some union rep out to dinner. And he's prolly gonna have to take him out drinking too. Which means if he does come back here tonight, its gonna be late and I will most likely be in bed, and he has to be at the airport by like 5am anyway cause he's going to Florida tomorrow. So basically, now I am here by myself. Crying. I don't want to cry. I know he feels guilty and I know he has no choice about this.
I just miss him so much.
I don't know what's harder right now- staying with him or leaving him. I love him so much and I don't know what I would do without him but this is hard and it hurts and I don't know if I can do this either.
When I came home there was a bouquet of roses and a card that made me bawl that he left on my kitchen table.
I know he loves me. And I know he wishes things were different. And I know they will be, but I don't know when. And I don't know if I can keep doing this.
But I also know that he's worth it to me. Out of any man I have ever known in my entire life, none of them were worth going through this. But I really believe he is.
*sigh*
I am just so sick of crying.
I want my happy life back. I want my boyfriend back. I want to not feel like this anymore.
I sometimes worry I will never be allowed to be happy.