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[irmosoccer9]

did u think i was lying when i said that i wont be heard from by alot of people in a while?.....its been a while since i updated this thing....i reufuse to go into every detail of all of the things i have been up to recently so i will just make them all short detailed.i have been really busy with cross country everyday after school and with work

Comments

[thesixties]

im not trying to be offensive, but you have no idea how much it hurts when your entries say "what is this music you speak of?" or "i dont remember the last time i listened to music.." because you, along with everyone else has changed too much, too quickly, too fast. music used to be your everything, mine as well but people change. there are people ive lost, people ive gotten so much closer to and people who i dont even know where i stand in their lives or if i do at all. i miss the OLD domonique & jill and im not sure if we started hanging out again (not "became friends again" because i still consider you a friend.. you were once my best friend and im not going to forget all the times you cheered me up or pulled me through. i still thank god you were there for me through those times.) if any of it would be the same. i have lost a lot of the people i thought were my true friends, my family.. but i see now i had no reason to believe they were my friends or that i would always be able to call them that. you, on the other hand.. i never saw our friendship ending up or in this condition.. because we held on so strong for so long and i didnt even see our friendship dwindling because who knows what drugs i was on.. and i dont want it to be that way. when we see eachother at school or somewhere, we dont speak.. but when my eyes met yours you can tell that there is something between us, maybe not friendship, i dont know about you but i have no hatred and ive even forgiven you for going to college instead of moving downtown with me just because it sounds like something you REALLY want to do and i do not want to be dragging you down, i only want to support you in everything you decide to do. you might be shocked when you hear this or maybe zacks already told you.. im clean now & im going back to church. im also dating zack and we will either influence eachother to grow better and not do drugs and live a christian lifestyle.. or we will just fall back into how we used to be. i think zack agrees with me and is in the same position, but we are in the middle of the field and contemplating which way to go.. doing drugs or living a clean life. i really hope we start behaving better and living our lives for god, because i cant do the whole sketchy, having to hide and lie and bullshit about everything scene. i suppose its just not me anymore. i feel like im ending something but im hoping with my entire heart to not start over, and not start off where we left off exactly.. i want to form a new friendship. we both know virtually everything about eachother.. or we know everything about eachother from a few months ago.. i just want to put all of our differences and anything negative from the past. because i want to start this on a positive note. i dont even know if you would want to/consider being friends with me now but i am hoping for the best. i love you dom and im thankful for the friendship we have had in the past because it has made a huge difference in my life, whether you knew that or not. and more importantly.. i hope to develop some kind of friendship. im not sure where i stand in your life at the moment.. i would love to hangout and be just the way we used to be, but i dont think that is possible, there is too much tension and confusion and besides the fact we have other friends and commitments and such that would not let us hangout every day like in the past.. what id like to do is lets just start hanging out again. having our good talks. and then we will see what happens. but im telling you.. this is one of the few friendships i consider a RELATIONSHIP where we will go through our ups and downs and changes but will still remain friends because im in this for life, as i hope you are but i will understand if otherwise.. FRIENDSHIPS are where you hangout, have fun, laugh, and then once something happens.. like a fight and its over. or when you change, friends just kind of drift away. dom, you and caroline and zack are what i think of when i think BEST FRIENDS and i am being dead serious. im sorry this is so goddamn long but please.. read it for me. and pick up your cell phone and dial my number if you have it/still remember it.. if not, you can probably find me through zack.

i love you domonique, and i miss you.
♥ jillian leigh