bitchfest 2008, live

[iristhespider]

i am way to good at sitting for hours and hours at a time doing absolutly nothing. this is bad because it is not one bit satisfying. i have become a person full of frustration. i feel like i am busy all the time but it is the kind of busy where i still feel alone. i'm around people but i don't really know any of them. it's not like i'm using myself

Comments

[goatfarmer2b]

you make a strong point with saying how it's different when you choose to be alone it's okay. but when it feels like the only option, it's very difficult. and lack of funding makes it all the more difficult because you can't go places and spend it on things and be around people or meet them. i have had this problem A LOT in boone. i've been here for 2.5 years and i still feel like i need a couple good friends. i just got out of a relationship with someone i saw daily so i'm re-adjusting to the "forced" alone time, time that i asked for really. i've been trying to keep myself busy and i find it's easiest when i'm out of my house (which is kind of a pain in the butt for me because i live out of town and feel like shouldn't spend gas on getting to town but what i crave is human interaction, even if it's only with strangers walking down the street giving a half smile). so, i guess what i may be trying to say is i make an effort to make my alone time chosen, in my head. i think out my day and figure when i'm probably going to be alone and decide that that's when i want to be alone. i even make plans with myself. it's kind of like a trick i play on myself. but it helps. i really think getting out and about is key though. i'm sorry you're having a rough patch.
i don't know about the whole debt/way to exist stuff. it's something i've thought about a good amount, seeing my mom and others just surviving, sneaking in a good time when they can forget about money issues and work. i'm not looking forward to when my school debt stops accumulating and i have to start paying it back again. i'm living quite the life on this financial aid stuff. i've never been so frivolous with my money before. i guess cause it feel like i haven't earned it and it all comes at once.
i hope i'm not talking to much about myself, i don't want to take away from you. i hear it's good to relate to others though. so, i think i can relate some. there are good days and bad days. it's funny, people don't believe me whan i say i have a hard time relating to people or making friends. i am very outgoing and talk easily with strangers/acquaintances, but i rarely get past the point of acquaintance. i miss having people i can call up anytime and even if we just sit around it's relaxed and enjoyable because we're just plain comfortable.
i don't know. this has gotten long, as if it were my own post as apposed to a comment on yours. i hope i said something worth reading. good luck.