over it.
every time i turn the tv on and flip around for awhile i get an overwhelming feeling of depression. so i think i'll try and stay away from that. my mom just came in here holding a plastic bag and just stood there looking at me, i just looked back at her making a face like "yes women, say something" and she said "kiiiiwiiiii". why did she have to show me there was kiwi in the kitchen at that moment? this is something i will never know. she is hyper all the time. today it happened. the two topics were brought up in rapid sucession. first, "do you have a boyfriend?". "no mom, i don't". second, "what are you going to do? when will you get a job with insurence?". "honestly, i don't know". it ended fast but was pretty painful. this land is too flat and there are too many american flags. none of them have any idea what i'm even like when i'm not really uncomfortable. i have to hold me tounge constantly and tell myself that certain things aren't worth it or maybe i just don't have the energy. i feel so lucky though for all the friends i know and have. seriously. i miss people a lot and i'm so happy and thankful that i do have people i can talk to and be around comfortably. i mean, maybe i'm not comfortable around tons of people but i'd much rather be uncomfortable because i'm shy then because i'm scared to see their reaction to me when i am comfortable. i really don't like all of this but my mom did just spend hundreds of dollars on me so i can wear contacts for another six months. i don't know how it feels. i miss knuks.