Progress, Direction, and Coloring Books
Soooo, it's been awhile. I've been immersed and swimming through many, many books of various, but overlapping topics. Trying to pinpoint, or at least hover on, a central core thesis for my book. Got lots of ideas and certain convictions that I'm passionate about, but I just couldn't seem to really figure out the crux of my book. I kept pursuing the "Women" theme, because that's really what I thought it was supposed to be about. And I know that book is still in the wings, (pretty closely in the wings, really), but it's not this particular book. The more I tracked the "Women" theme, the more God kept sidetracking me with books/topics relating to the Church (and/or America). I thought about making the book about both the Church and Women, as there are DEFINITE connections between them, not the least of which is the Church being called the Bride of Christ. However, the more I prayed and mulled over it, the more I knew that this book's focus would be the Church.
So then I was kind of back at square one - what's my thesis? My husband helped me talk it out, and the juices began to flow. I chicken-scratched it all down on an envelope, and a week after that, fleshed it out into a very discombobulated-looking web/flow chart. That was awesome, really helped me group the major themes. But then I was stuck again - I couldn't organize them when they were all jumbled in bubbles all over the page. So then I got the idea to write the themes and a few pertinent sub-points on lined paper, and cut the individual lines out. My very tactile and visual self now had official puzzle pieces to move around. :D So I did. I shuffled and I played for a bit, and finally had a sastifctory Eureka! moment. I thought I had my book. Even told my husband I had it. So then I tried to copy it down into an outline. Didn't work.:P Tried harder and harder, rearranging, reshuffling, removing some lines, adding others in, and just got more and more frustrated. Ended up whittling the evening away, and still being stuck.
My husband and I went to bed, but I wasn't sleepy. I got back up, went in and sat in front of my frustrating puzzle pieces. Then, as I began to pray and ask God to show me how He wanted me to organize the book, He brought to mind two scripture stories and a topic. The first story was of how the eleven chose a new disciple to replace Judas - they prayed over straws and then drew the straws. Also, the story of Jonah, and how he was selected to be the one thrown to the sea; how the men aboard the ship decided to discern at whom it was that God was angry - they drew lots. And then I remembered some audio teachings I came across which I haven't listened to yet, but which proposed that God guides us even through seemingly "random" circumstances. I kind of got the picture that God wanted me to trust His "random" way, and not try to "lean on my own understanding" to figure it out. So, as odd as it seemed, I took those lines, mixed them up and shook them in the blanket on my lap, and proceeded to draw them out one at a time. They didn't all come out in perfect order, but the way in which they did come out was a completely different way than how I was trying to organize them, and, the overall structure was perfect. It allowed me to really see the form of the book. I did just a bit of moving around, and breathed deeply - I had the outline.
It is a beautiful thing to partner with God, even in something as simple as a book outline. It's beautiful to watch Him create it, but to be the one He uses to do it, to have it be both Him and you completely. I gave up my control, and then He gave me the big picture. But then He had me put in the details, because He made me a certain way, and no one else would color in the coloring book picture He'd just given me like I would - and He wanted me to do it. What a beautiful, exhilarating privelege. Can't wait to color some more!
So then I was kind of back at square one - what's my thesis? My husband helped me talk it out, and the juices began to flow. I chicken-scratched it all down on an envelope, and a week after that, fleshed it out into a very discombobulated-looking web/flow chart. That was awesome, really helped me group the major themes. But then I was stuck again - I couldn't organize them when they were all jumbled in bubbles all over the page. So then I got the idea to write the themes and a few pertinent sub-points on lined paper, and cut the individual lines out. My very tactile and visual self now had official puzzle pieces to move around. :D So I did. I shuffled and I played for a bit, and finally had a sastifctory Eureka! moment. I thought I had my book. Even told my husband I had it. So then I tried to copy it down into an outline. Didn't work.:P Tried harder and harder, rearranging, reshuffling, removing some lines, adding others in, and just got more and more frustrated. Ended up whittling the evening away, and still being stuck.
My husband and I went to bed, but I wasn't sleepy. I got back up, went in and sat in front of my frustrating puzzle pieces. Then, as I began to pray and ask God to show me how He wanted me to organize the book, He brought to mind two scripture stories and a topic. The first story was of how the eleven chose a new disciple to replace Judas - they prayed over straws and then drew the straws. Also, the story of Jonah, and how he was selected to be the one thrown to the sea; how the men aboard the ship decided to discern at whom it was that God was angry - they drew lots. And then I remembered some audio teachings I came across which I haven't listened to yet, but which proposed that God guides us even through seemingly "random" circumstances. I kind of got the picture that God wanted me to trust His "random" way, and not try to "lean on my own understanding" to figure it out. So, as odd as it seemed, I took those lines, mixed them up and shook them in the blanket on my lap, and proceeded to draw them out one at a time. They didn't all come out in perfect order, but the way in which they did come out was a completely different way than how I was trying to organize them, and, the overall structure was perfect. It allowed me to really see the form of the book. I did just a bit of moving around, and breathed deeply - I had the outline.
It is a beautiful thing to partner with God, even in something as simple as a book outline. It's beautiful to watch Him create it, but to be the one He uses to do it, to have it be both Him and you completely. I gave up my control, and then He gave me the big picture. But then He had me put in the details, because He made me a certain way, and no one else would color in the coloring book picture He'd just given me like I would - and He wanted me to do it. What a beautiful, exhilarating privelege. Can't wait to color some more!