I've come far in a few years but what have I given up?
I've been reading a few other journals & blogs and realized that these peoples have lives, they are introspective, thoughtful and aware of the world around them. I am in such awe of these people as I read but then afterwards I realize I was once like this, I used to have real topics to talk about. I used to have my own thoughts, ideas & theories. I didn't use to be limited to the "here's what I do in a day". I don't post those kind of entries because they're pretty much the same & boring.
Part of the reason I believe is that I have someone who wants to talk everyday so I have no need for an outlet like I used too, in fact I'm often too tired to even think about communicating further in any way. The other part is most of those that I considered myself close to are for all intensive purposes gone. GhostSonata has been gone for quite awhile, Luke & co left for another site, Kelly & Ann rarely post & most of my friends from high school & college are gone. It's sad, I miss the days when I had enlightening conversations with all these people. I miss the connection of similar minds I felt with GS, Kelly & Cait. I miss Ann's views of robotics, extended life & even just daily work struggles. Luke & Co had the most amazing creative intelligence that I think I will ever see. And being able to dicuss HP with Shannon or just randome events with Martin or Kerri or Michael was a gift that I didn't even realize I had till it was gone. I "fed" off these people, they gave my energy, ideas & different viewpoints to consider (but not neccessarily agree with!). I've never & will never be an extremely social person but this was an exciting, fulfilling time of my life.
So for quite some time I've been feeling sad that this time in my life seems to have past, every once in awhile I can comment on another's journal or really rarely talk on IM but for the most part I don't think I can get that time back. But reading other people's blogs made me remember that when one door in life is shut others are opened. I still have people to bounce ideas off to & who stretch my realms of reality, I still ahve people whom I share common ground with, people who care about my day to day life & people who are full of creative energy. They're not gone but have changed, the replacements were called in so to speak...I will never take the intiative to sever ties with anyone because I certainly hope to see/ talk with formentioned people again but I will not be sad if they are gone but they & I have moved on with life. Just as you leave your childhood friends once highschool, one must be willing to lose highschool/ college friends for adulthood. And also I resolve to begin writing for myself again not for anyone else to see, not just the things John doesn't want to hear & not just to chronicle Erin's life. If anyone else wants to read my writings or even go so far as to comment then great but that is not my goal. I write for me: a succesful adult in today's world. With that in mind I am also opening up my journal to the public because i have nothing to hide from.
So the new cast of characters:
Myself - 23, college graduate, wife, mother, sister & friend on the autistic spectrum
John - 27, My husband, former AF currently contractor
Erin - 8mths, my daughter
Duncan - 2.5yrs Border Collie/ Chocolate Lab mix
Tori - 2 yrs American Shorthair Tortoise Shell
Mom- obviously my mom :), former AF, contractor
Rex - 18, starting at University of Alabama in a few weeks (but I love him anyways)
Carol - John's mom/ mother in law, stay at home
Dan or Daniel - John's dad/ father in law, former AF, Civil Servant
Amy - John's younger sister (by 10mths)/ sister in law, landscape architect, crafty
Jeff - Amy's husband/ brother in law, co-owns an IT company with his dad
Tamika - former AF, good friend of ours but hard to lasso ;)
Jasmine - Tamika's 3 yr old daughter
Ryan - current AF, works in same squadron as John
Janessa - Ryan's wife & a good friend
Alyssa - Ryan & Janessa almost 8 yr old daughter (loves Erin & our fur kids)
Puppa & Tux - Their dogs
Jerry & Faye - Friends at the yacht club, they own & race Pelirojas. Also they own a toy/ education supply store called Toy Magic
Jeff - Civil Servant, Navy Reservist, John's oldest friend down here, slightly crazy
Shelly - Jeff's wife, currently in school, also slightly crazy but fun
Nietzel - One of John's co-workers (Civil Servant) who also operates a farm, where we get all our beef
There are a few other supporting characters but I'll mention them as important.
Part of the reason I believe is that I have someone who wants to talk everyday so I have no need for an outlet like I used too, in fact I'm often too tired to even think about communicating further in any way. The other part is most of those that I considered myself close to are for all intensive purposes gone. GhostSonata has been gone for quite awhile, Luke & co left for another site, Kelly & Ann rarely post & most of my friends from high school & college are gone. It's sad, I miss the days when I had enlightening conversations with all these people. I miss the connection of similar minds I felt with GS, Kelly & Cait. I miss Ann's views of robotics, extended life & even just daily work struggles. Luke & Co had the most amazing creative intelligence that I think I will ever see. And being able to dicuss HP with Shannon or just randome events with Martin or Kerri or Michael was a gift that I didn't even realize I had till it was gone. I "fed" off these people, they gave my energy, ideas & different viewpoints to consider (but not neccessarily agree with!). I've never & will never be an extremely social person but this was an exciting, fulfilling time of my life.
So for quite some time I've been feeling sad that this time in my life seems to have past, every once in awhile I can comment on another's journal or really rarely talk on IM but for the most part I don't think I can get that time back. But reading other people's blogs made me remember that when one door in life is shut others are opened. I still have people to bounce ideas off to & who stretch my realms of reality, I still ahve people whom I share common ground with, people who care about my day to day life & people who are full of creative energy. They're not gone but have changed, the replacements were called in so to speak...I will never take the intiative to sever ties with anyone because I certainly hope to see/ talk with formentioned people again but I will not be sad if they are gone but they & I have moved on with life. Just as you leave your childhood friends once highschool, one must be willing to lose highschool/ college friends for adulthood. And also I resolve to begin writing for myself again not for anyone else to see, not just the things John doesn't want to hear & not just to chronicle Erin's life. If anyone else wants to read my writings or even go so far as to comment then great but that is not my goal. I write for me: a succesful adult in today's world. With that in mind I am also opening up my journal to the public because i have nothing to hide from.
So the new cast of characters:
Myself - 23, college graduate, wife, mother, sister & friend on the autistic spectrum
John - 27, My husband, former AF currently contractor
Erin - 8mths, my daughter
Duncan - 2.5yrs Border Collie/ Chocolate Lab mix
Tori - 2 yrs American Shorthair Tortoise Shell
Mom- obviously my mom :), former AF, contractor
Rex - 18, starting at University of Alabama in a few weeks (but I love him anyways)
Carol - John's mom/ mother in law, stay at home
Dan or Daniel - John's dad/ father in law, former AF, Civil Servant
Amy - John's younger sister (by 10mths)/ sister in law, landscape architect, crafty
Jeff - Amy's husband/ brother in law, co-owns an IT company with his dad
Tamika - former AF, good friend of ours but hard to lasso ;)
Jasmine - Tamika's 3 yr old daughter
Ryan - current AF, works in same squadron as John
Janessa - Ryan's wife & a good friend
Alyssa - Ryan & Janessa almost 8 yr old daughter (loves Erin & our fur kids)
Puppa & Tux - Their dogs
Jerry & Faye - Friends at the yacht club, they own & race Pelirojas. Also they own a toy/ education supply store called Toy Magic
Jeff - Civil Servant, Navy Reservist, John's oldest friend down here, slightly crazy
Shelly - Jeff's wife, currently in school, also slightly crazy but fun
Nietzel - One of John's co-workers (Civil Servant) who also operates a farm, where we get all our beef
There are a few other supporting characters but I'll mention them as important.