Yo Bravo! Lissen up heah!
For the most part I think I am pretty up on the socially tech side of most things. I knew what Facebook was before it became this mass tool of entertainment. I was aboard Myspace before anyone else I knew (but didn't use the account for a good eight months until everyone climbed aboard.) I tried Google+ and decided I had enough accounts that were invasive in my life and my attempt to remove as much of my internet footprint from the world, deleted that account.
But Twittersphere I will admit alludes me a little. But I think I am about to figure it out.
Oh don't get me wrong. I don't need yet another form of social media to twit, tweet, toot or anything remotely close about my goings on. I have one reason for it.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Yes I will admit, I have been totally sucked into the white trashiness of this franchise. I have other cities I've enjoyed watching but my only real love are those gals from the Joisey Shore. Not those kids. No I mean these, glittery eyed, spanx wearing, foul-mouthed East Coast women. I must continue to follow their banter as the reunion continues. I MUST get me whatever this hash-tagging Twitter-y thing is, simply so I can follow thier comments after each reunion show.
Becoming an addict to this rodeo was easy. The first franchise, Orange County was filmed literally in my back yard. I caught the first season, and kinda went "ehhhh." It wasn't this instantaneous high. Maybe it was the women and their chemistry, because after they brought Gretchen and Tamra together a couple of seasons later, I had to admit to being a little hooked. Hooked like, "Hey that's right, let's watch ...." - Not anything to DVR, as if I had a DVR.
Then they started to roll out other locations. New York, Atlanta. I really thought it was overkill. I would catch one here or there, but it did nothing, and then Jersey was about to come out and I thought, "Really? WHO the hell would care about women from Jersey?" -- Until I caught a whiff of the trainwreck called Danielle Staub, and couldn't believe my eyes. Or ears. I mean do they purposely seek out women with these horrid hidden pasts, or was that simply a diamond in the rough? I loved the callous Italian family of Laurita's, with two sisters, and a sister-in-law. The fiery sidekick Teresa, and her foul-mouthed Worlds Worst Kids EVER, were kinda fun. Watching them all get sucked into Danielle's world was a trainwreck at best, but the reunion? Best freaking reunion show ever that first season.
But honestly, towards the end, I hated Danielle with enough passion, that I was going to swear off the show if she came back. I mean they might tweak editing here and there, but ultimately on these shows I think you can't hide it if you are truly twisted, or evil. Watching a character being written evil is one thing, but seeing the real deal? Danielle was both, and I didn't need to see that on a weekly basis. I cheered that brassy Teresa for turning the table upside down on her, and little Ashley (or was it Lauren) pulling a part of her weave out. Catfight! Woohoo! Run in those super high heels you bitch!
That was about it. I tuned in the following season on a whim more than anything. Honestly I don't think I covered the show enough to tell you too much about what happened. I think Danielle was gone. Soon one of the sisters, Dina, left. Then Season Three and the transformation of Teresa started to happen, and BOOM! -- my crack addiction to this family drama was sizzling.
Apparently sweet, but mildly retarded Teresa had an Achille's Heel, and it had a name. Melissa. They brought her in, and it was like adding pop rocks to a Coke. Bursts and pops and buzzy fizzes everywhere. Stand back or you might put your eye out!
They filmed two seasons back to back, so there was no time for the drama to calm down over a few months. It just built into this crescendo of deceit and horrid backstabbing, and with the exception of watching Kate from Jon and Kate Plus Eight, I don't think it was ever more transparent what fame could do to someone, step by step right in front of your face. The transformation went from suspiscious, to incredulous, to sickening.
I often wonder who in my life would trade fame, and fortune over the well being of their family and friends. Who amongst us has some untapped potential to literally turn their worlds upside down for a taste of seeing your mug weekly on a magazine? Who would sell out family and friends for a tidbit here and there. For being paid by gossip rags? Teresa Guidice does. And I've literally watched it.
It's morphed from sadness to something intanglible, as watching how seriously stupid she is. She has an evil streak in her a mile wide, and an intelligence streak that is about an inch wide. Her command, or lack thereof, of the English language makes you wonder what country she really hails from. Or what planet. Watching her get cornered, and literally hearing the click click click of the wheels in her overprocessed weaved head, and then hearing her come out like a seventh grader with her subpar insults. The insults themselves are weak, but her venom is deadly. It's like getting lanced by a mosquito, who has dipped it's spear into poison. Small insignificant insults, that have a deadly intent.
But the best? Is when she finally pisses Caroline off enough to have her take the gloves off. Oh Caroline Manzo! You are my hero! She is considered a bitch by many, but to me she is the stability of those five. She is smart and sassy and nothing appears to come before her grown children, or family. When you get bitch slapped verbally by Caroline, it leaves a mark. She will hold her tongue for a while, but you can see the cracks forming under her mask of control. Suddenly, the massive stupidity, and the awful behaviour of Teresa just becomes enough and she bursts. She lashes out, and watch out, because she's always on target. You can tell her daughter Lauren has inherited the same quick tongue, when she cornered Teresa about her ghostwriting blog author. Note to others, don't have your writer speak in ways that you can't explain later. Like using words like Napalm. The best Tre can do as a comeback? "Blubber, blubber, blubber, that's all I see!" .... I mean really, is this where we are at with insults?
We've only tapped into part one of three in the reunions, and I almost changed the channel, because there was so much yelling and you couldn't hear over anyone, but then a gem would come thru, sometimes only readable upon closed caption and it would keep me there.
So Bravo I say here, I'd like to do two things for this show. One -- well this is a fiery personal passion of mine, even dating back to when Teresa didn't annoy me, -- and that is to shave her forehead. Or what should be her forehead. Her hairline is so low, she literally looks like the commercials for the Wolfman in the new Haunted House movie with Steve Buscemi. Sam thinks I am mean, but it bothers me that much. I think it would behoove her professionally to have it waxed or plucked or something. This way when she is trying to look puzzled over something or someone that has nailed her on her overboard antics, you could actually tell it was puzzlement. Now it just looks like her eyebrows are trying to mate with her hairline. I expect the jaw to drop in befuddlement, as the buzz in her brain comes up with yet another line as good as "You're the devil! You're the one wearing RED!" I take that back about 7th graders. I think this is actually more along the lines of a 4th grade insult.
The second thing would be to rid the show of both Teresa and her poor victimized sister-in-law, Melissa. We get it Bravo. Teresa doesnt want her family on the show. She feels threatened by Melissa, understandably so. On a side note, I also think had she sat back, Melissa may have shot herself in the foot enough, trying to be in the limelight. My least favorite episodes are those involving Melissa and her search for fame thru her own music career. Auto-tune should be destroyed for the music it brings out of the mouths of some of these housewives. Instead Melissa just looks like this hot mess of a victim who's psychotic sister-in-law is out to destroy her. Which she is. But why? I mean what the hell -- does anyone else but me find the relationship between Teresa and her brother Joe, a little weird?
BUT -- here's the kicker; Keep the cousin Kathy on. Maybe make Kathy's butch steroid raging sister Rosie more of a fixture. Kathy and Richie have totally untapped potential. Kathy has a little glint in her eye, and seems smart. Unlike the grossness of Juicy Joe, who literally makes me throw up in my mouth a little each time he is on - Richie is funny. He loves his wife. He would never be caught calling her a c**t, or regularly telling her to shut up. Furthermore Kathy wouldn't take it if he did. Don't reward the lives of these Guidice sleazebags, thinking they are your ratings draw. Don't fall into the trap of thinking your public needs so much drama that they will deal with anything. Show some class Andy Cohen, I know you have more power than simply MC'ing these messes.
In the meantime I need to read up on some twitterspeak, I haven't the foggiest clue how this works. Ok, maybe I have a foggy clue. So for that I'll sign off of here and see what it takes to set up one of these accounts. I simply cannot go six months or however long it is, without keeping up with the insanity! --- or I'll get over the hype and in two weeks I'll think Real Housewives of whaaaaa'? ;-)
But Twittersphere I will admit alludes me a little. But I think I am about to figure it out.
Oh don't get me wrong. I don't need yet another form of social media to twit, tweet, toot or anything remotely close about my goings on. I have one reason for it.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Yes I will admit, I have been totally sucked into the white trashiness of this franchise. I have other cities I've enjoyed watching but my only real love are those gals from the Joisey Shore. Not those kids. No I mean these, glittery eyed, spanx wearing, foul-mouthed East Coast women. I must continue to follow their banter as the reunion continues. I MUST get me whatever this hash-tagging Twitter-y thing is, simply so I can follow thier comments after each reunion show.
Becoming an addict to this rodeo was easy. The first franchise, Orange County was filmed literally in my back yard. I caught the first season, and kinda went "ehhhh." It wasn't this instantaneous high. Maybe it was the women and their chemistry, because after they brought Gretchen and Tamra together a couple of seasons later, I had to admit to being a little hooked. Hooked like, "Hey that's right, let's watch ...." - Not anything to DVR, as if I had a DVR.
Then they started to roll out other locations. New York, Atlanta. I really thought it was overkill. I would catch one here or there, but it did nothing, and then Jersey was about to come out and I thought, "Really? WHO the hell would care about women from Jersey?" -- Until I caught a whiff of the trainwreck called Danielle Staub, and couldn't believe my eyes. Or ears. I mean do they purposely seek out women with these horrid hidden pasts, or was that simply a diamond in the rough? I loved the callous Italian family of Laurita's, with two sisters, and a sister-in-law. The fiery sidekick Teresa, and her foul-mouthed Worlds Worst Kids EVER, were kinda fun. Watching them all get sucked into Danielle's world was a trainwreck at best, but the reunion? Best freaking reunion show ever that first season.
But honestly, towards the end, I hated Danielle with enough passion, that I was going to swear off the show if she came back. I mean they might tweak editing here and there, but ultimately on these shows I think you can't hide it if you are truly twisted, or evil. Watching a character being written evil is one thing, but seeing the real deal? Danielle was both, and I didn't need to see that on a weekly basis. I cheered that brassy Teresa for turning the table upside down on her, and little Ashley (or was it Lauren) pulling a part of her weave out. Catfight! Woohoo! Run in those super high heels you bitch!
That was about it. I tuned in the following season on a whim more than anything. Honestly I don't think I covered the show enough to tell you too much about what happened. I think Danielle was gone. Soon one of the sisters, Dina, left. Then Season Three and the transformation of Teresa started to happen, and BOOM! -- my crack addiction to this family drama was sizzling.
Apparently sweet, but mildly retarded Teresa had an Achille's Heel, and it had a name. Melissa. They brought her in, and it was like adding pop rocks to a Coke. Bursts and pops and buzzy fizzes everywhere. Stand back or you might put your eye out!
They filmed two seasons back to back, so there was no time for the drama to calm down over a few months. It just built into this crescendo of deceit and horrid backstabbing, and with the exception of watching Kate from Jon and Kate Plus Eight, I don't think it was ever more transparent what fame could do to someone, step by step right in front of your face. The transformation went from suspiscious, to incredulous, to sickening.
I often wonder who in my life would trade fame, and fortune over the well being of their family and friends. Who amongst us has some untapped potential to literally turn their worlds upside down for a taste of seeing your mug weekly on a magazine? Who would sell out family and friends for a tidbit here and there. For being paid by gossip rags? Teresa Guidice does. And I've literally watched it.
It's morphed from sadness to something intanglible, as watching how seriously stupid she is. She has an evil streak in her a mile wide, and an intelligence streak that is about an inch wide. Her command, or lack thereof, of the English language makes you wonder what country she really hails from. Or what planet. Watching her get cornered, and literally hearing the click click click of the wheels in her overprocessed weaved head, and then hearing her come out like a seventh grader with her subpar insults. The insults themselves are weak, but her venom is deadly. It's like getting lanced by a mosquito, who has dipped it's spear into poison. Small insignificant insults, that have a deadly intent.
But the best? Is when she finally pisses Caroline off enough to have her take the gloves off. Oh Caroline Manzo! You are my hero! She is considered a bitch by many, but to me she is the stability of those five. She is smart and sassy and nothing appears to come before her grown children, or family. When you get bitch slapped verbally by Caroline, it leaves a mark. She will hold her tongue for a while, but you can see the cracks forming under her mask of control. Suddenly, the massive stupidity, and the awful behaviour of Teresa just becomes enough and she bursts. She lashes out, and watch out, because she's always on target. You can tell her daughter Lauren has inherited the same quick tongue, when she cornered Teresa about her ghostwriting blog author. Note to others, don't have your writer speak in ways that you can't explain later. Like using words like Napalm. The best Tre can do as a comeback? "Blubber, blubber, blubber, that's all I see!" .... I mean really, is this where we are at with insults?
We've only tapped into part one of three in the reunions, and I almost changed the channel, because there was so much yelling and you couldn't hear over anyone, but then a gem would come thru, sometimes only readable upon closed caption and it would keep me there.
So Bravo I say here, I'd like to do two things for this show. One -- well this is a fiery personal passion of mine, even dating back to when Teresa didn't annoy me, -- and that is to shave her forehead. Or what should be her forehead. Her hairline is so low, she literally looks like the commercials for the Wolfman in the new Haunted House movie with Steve Buscemi. Sam thinks I am mean, but it bothers me that much. I think it would behoove her professionally to have it waxed or plucked or something. This way when she is trying to look puzzled over something or someone that has nailed her on her overboard antics, you could actually tell it was puzzlement. Now it just looks like her eyebrows are trying to mate with her hairline. I expect the jaw to drop in befuddlement, as the buzz in her brain comes up with yet another line as good as "You're the devil! You're the one wearing RED!" I take that back about 7th graders. I think this is actually more along the lines of a 4th grade insult.
The second thing would be to rid the show of both Teresa and her poor victimized sister-in-law, Melissa. We get it Bravo. Teresa doesnt want her family on the show. She feels threatened by Melissa, understandably so. On a side note, I also think had she sat back, Melissa may have shot herself in the foot enough, trying to be in the limelight. My least favorite episodes are those involving Melissa and her search for fame thru her own music career. Auto-tune should be destroyed for the music it brings out of the mouths of some of these housewives. Instead Melissa just looks like this hot mess of a victim who's psychotic sister-in-law is out to destroy her. Which she is. But why? I mean what the hell -- does anyone else but me find the relationship between Teresa and her brother Joe, a little weird?
BUT -- here's the kicker; Keep the cousin Kathy on. Maybe make Kathy's butch steroid raging sister Rosie more of a fixture. Kathy and Richie have totally untapped potential. Kathy has a little glint in her eye, and seems smart. Unlike the grossness of Juicy Joe, who literally makes me throw up in my mouth a little each time he is on - Richie is funny. He loves his wife. He would never be caught calling her a c**t, or regularly telling her to shut up. Furthermore Kathy wouldn't take it if he did. Don't reward the lives of these Guidice sleazebags, thinking they are your ratings draw. Don't fall into the trap of thinking your public needs so much drama that they will deal with anything. Show some class Andy Cohen, I know you have more power than simply MC'ing these messes.
In the meantime I need to read up on some twitterspeak, I haven't the foggiest clue how this works. Ok, maybe I have a foggy clue. So for that I'll sign off of here and see what it takes to set up one of these accounts. I simply cannot go six months or however long it is, without keeping up with the insanity! --- or I'll get over the hype and in two weeks I'll think Real Housewives of whaaaaa'? ;-)