tired and thought filled female
Finally got my dissertation in so the major cloud of stress that was hanging over my head has lifted. One more bit of coursework to do and an exam in june and im finished. Kinda looking forward to it all. Need a break from the pressure and want to start a job and start makin some good money again. Need to save to go away. Am going to go to the states for a good while this summer. even if Q and I arent together anymore i reckon i still will go without him.
Heading to london on sat which i am looking forward to. ish. things have come up which make going seem like a bad idea but to b honest i dont wana loose the money. and ineed abreak. havent been away in so long. need something to look forward to! even if coming back will shatter the illusion and call for me to make a major decision.I owe myself respect and if i dont demand it then ill never get it. but how to demand it without causing the end result to b messy?! ahhh confusion as always in affairs of the heart.worst about it is my ability to predict these things,like i did weeks ago. i knew this would happen and that he wasnt where i was. and that she was still there. typical. think a few weeks in america alone is just what I need never mind him. back to reality i guess for him and me.
so allthat seems a bit coded but i cant really put it into words without admitting the inevitable. if i say it outloud r if i heard someone else say it i know my answer would be striaght forward and instant. problem is when feelings are involved everything gets a bit messy. and why should i be alone again? soooo difficult.but should i seriously put up with my good nature being so blatently taken advantage of?
took out some ulster project stuff the other nite that has yet to be packed and found my white string. cut up some of it and put it round my wrist. a link to a past that made me who i am. a past that i miss and know i cant get back when i return this summer but soemthing i still need. cant wait to finally get notification on the house so we can move. am almost packed and wana put my pix on display and make my new attic room pretty..once its built! lol!
feel really sleepy. the mothership got me up so early today..i think its spiteful cuz she has to go to work and i dont. well thats my theory anyways! but im tired. feel like a good read and an early nite but ive no books left! time travellers wife was lovely but im done with it . gorgeous quotes in it about love and wrapping up hearts to keep them safe. beautiful.
much love
me.x.
Heading to london on sat which i am looking forward to. ish. things have come up which make going seem like a bad idea but to b honest i dont wana loose the money. and ineed abreak. havent been away in so long. need something to look forward to! even if coming back will shatter the illusion and call for me to make a major decision.I owe myself respect and if i dont demand it then ill never get it. but how to demand it without causing the end result to b messy?! ahhh confusion as always in affairs of the heart.worst about it is my ability to predict these things,like i did weeks ago. i knew this would happen and that he wasnt where i was. and that she was still there. typical. think a few weeks in america alone is just what I need never mind him. back to reality i guess for him and me.
so allthat seems a bit coded but i cant really put it into words without admitting the inevitable. if i say it outloud r if i heard someone else say it i know my answer would be striaght forward and instant. problem is when feelings are involved everything gets a bit messy. and why should i be alone again? soooo difficult.but should i seriously put up with my good nature being so blatently taken advantage of?
took out some ulster project stuff the other nite that has yet to be packed and found my white string. cut up some of it and put it round my wrist. a link to a past that made me who i am. a past that i miss and know i cant get back when i return this summer but soemthing i still need. cant wait to finally get notification on the house so we can move. am almost packed and wana put my pix on display and make my new attic room pretty..once its built! lol!
feel really sleepy. the mothership got me up so early today..i think its spiteful cuz she has to go to work and i dont. well thats my theory anyways! but im tired. feel like a good read and an early nite but ive no books left! time travellers wife was lovely but im done with it . gorgeous quotes in it about love and wrapping up hearts to keep them safe. beautiful.
much love
me.x.