shoot myself and add to dissertation
Stuck studying for yet another day. Its totally depressing me. Which is actually convenient since my study is about depression and suicide. Man I wish it was tuesday already.
Weekend was good,went to see Biffy on thursday night with Q. Support band..Berkeley were AMAZING and I acted like a groupie and got free stuff. Well not all free but huge discount. Lots of badges,a cd and a tshirt which I am def wearing to Oxegen..'fuck this gig'. Love it. Biffy were great too. Very drunk of course. God knows how I managed to get my essay in on friday at all. and I actually think it was good. P cancelled athlete, her mum was sick so i had to find someone else to go with. Wanted to see the boi so asked him and he said yes. Wasnt entirely sure he would like it but he did and it was good listening to their songs and bein held at the same time. Felt really good being there with him. Night was good,saw connor and talked about his eyes!! Have to mee tht rest of the family. lol. poor boy. Danced in limelite which was good craic, had to go to atm and get out euros which really became an ordeal cuz the fucker wouldnt walk the road with me and got a call from the ex and shrugged me off when i told him taxi was there. grr. Knew there was a hitch. A flaw. Everything has to have a problem. His just happens to be the ex who Im not entirely convinced he is over : ( cuz that helps my relationship!
he came to mine on sat nite and met family and we watched Saw in my room and acted like perfectly good catholics,seriously. such a good feeling. im not with someone who wants me for one thing. studied sunday. yawn. went to cinema monday to see Amityville horror,very creepy little dead girl. was meant to study but went to Annies for a pint instead. good wee night. then home. study yesturday which was horrible because it was all sunny and lovely. and i was stuck in doors and no one would come for a walk with me. was mad at that. wanted to just spend some good time with some good people and they were all busy..the important ones anyways. Got email from Braden. He is headin off to europe for a while. I worry that he is goin to run away forever. He has yet to realize no matter how much running he does he is always with himself. cest la vie. not my worry anymore. i love him but im not responsible.
and im stuck here today. in the library analysing media reports into suicide. what a fun weekend i have ahead of me. time is running out and i am just sitting here observing it slip out of my grasp. redbull will be highly stocked this weekend. and my mind is occupied. im with a guy i dont think knows he isnt ready to be with me. or mayb he is and im just keepin all barriers in place to stop the usual happening. its weird..he just feels right.
.x.