The Guardian, Chapter Nine
Hi everyone! I want to apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter out. For the longest time, I didn't know what to do with it. Then I just stopped thinking about it and figured when the urge to write it hit me, I'd do it. Well, it never came...and I actually came THIS close to deleting the story altogether about a week ago. Quite strangely, this morning on my day off I got up early, sat down to check my e-mail, and without even knowing what I was doing opened a Word document and started typing. I wrote this in two hours and it's exactly what I've wanted it to be all along. I'm really proud of how it's turned out, as cheesy as it is, so I hope you all enjoy it, too. Please review!!!!
The Guardian
Chapter Nine: A Promise
"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death." - Robert Fulghum
As he entered the room, Edward was hit with a smell that he knew all too well - death. Bella’s death was fast approaching according to all of his senses, but he still didn’t want to believe it. Edward didn’t raise his eyes until he was standing at the foot of her bed. If he had a heart, he was sure it would be breaking.
Her skin was as white as the sheets on the bed, thin and papery. Edward was acutely aware of the blood coursing through her veins. She no longer smelled the same, but sickly and decayed. She was hooked up to so many monitors, with so much incessant beeping going on that Edward was surprised she could sleep through the racket. Her eyes, however, stayed firmly shut as Edward gazed at her. He didn’t mind - he could stand here all day waiting and savoring the last moments he would ever see her alive. She was still beautiful to him, still the same Bella.
After minutes, or maybe even hours, her eyes slowly fluttered open. They went straight to him, almost as if she expected to see him standing there when she awoke. A tiny smile graced her lips as they stared at each other.
“I was dreaming about you,” Bella whispered.
Edward smiled and slowly walked around the bed, perching lightly on a chair beside her where Jacob and Ellie must have kept their constant vigil. He still didn’t speak.
“I’m going to die soon.” Bella spoke firmly, with just a hint of fear in her voice. If Edward wasn’t looking for it, he wouldn’t have even noticed. He nodded.
“Are you afraid?”
Bella contemplated him for a while and then said honestly, “Not of dying. I’m afraid of what I’m leaving behind.”
“Elinor?” Edward asked. Now that he knew her full name, he couldn’t stop using it. It was a name he would have chosen for his own daughter, old fashioned but still elegant and charming.
Bella nodded. “She’s very young to lose her mother. And she’s getting married next year. And then she’ll have babies…” she trailed off and closed her eyes. Edward knew she was trying to compose herself.
For once, Edward was at a loss for words. He wanted to comfort her, tell her that it was going to be alright, that she would always be with Ellie even though her physical body was gone…but he didn’t know those things for sure. He had always been too afraid of death himself to find out. With Bella gone, though, he would have no more reason to live. When he had made the promise to himself to look after Ellie as a baby, he never imagined doing so without her mother in the picture. Now those stubborn feelings he’d had when Bella was a teenager were rising to the surface again and he needed comfort himself.
“You won’t be alone when you die, Bella,” he said through clenched teeth, “I’ll be with you.”
Bella’s eyes snapped open and she looked at him more fiercely than he thought possible, as if she were about to fly of the bed and throttle him.
“Don’t you dare do anything stupid, Edward Cullen. I forbid it. I’ll never speak to you again in this life or the next if you kill yourself over me.” The words were spoken softly but with a venom so strong Edward had no doubt that they were true.
He didn’t respond, refusing to make a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep. This life may not be worth living if he knew she wasn’t out there somewhere with a beating heart.
After a moment, Bella choked out, “Besides…I have a favor to ask of you.”
Edward nodded and said automatically, “Anything, Bella.”
Bella held his gaze. “Please look after Ellie and any family she has after Jacob is gone. She’ll be all alone. I want her to know that there is someone else in this world that loves her and is caring for her, even if she can’t see it. Send her cards on her birthday and for Christmas. If she gets into trouble, help her out. Look after her children. I want them to know there is magic here, that life is magic.” Bella’s eyes filled with tears. “You helped teach me that, even if it took me away from you.”
Edward knew he would be crying, too, if he could. He also knew he would make good on his promise. There would be no sudden demise of Edward Cullen anytime soon, if ever. He wasn’t sure he could ever give up the last bond he’d made with Bella, and he could see himself in a thousand years still watching from afar as her family expanded. It was her and Jacob’s legacy, but it was also his. His fate had always been interwoven with her own.
“Do you still hate Jake?” Bella asked. She smiled a little, trying to lighten the mood.
Edward sighed and shook his head. “No. I can’t hate him. He’s made you happy, he’s been a good father to your daughter…and he’s a good man,” Edward said grudgingly. “He understands the value of human life,” he added. “So few people really do.”
Bella nodded. “Thank you.” She reached over to touch his hand, and for once, their skin was practically the same temperature.
No, it wouldn’t be long now at all. Edward was extra careful, aware that with the slightest amount of force, he could break her. She looked tired again, as if this conversation had taken everything out of her. He still didn’t move from his position in the chair, though.
She was fighting to keep her eyes open. “Will you…stay with me until I fall asleep, Edward?”
Edward bent down and lightly kissed her forehead. “Of course, love.”
Bella’s eyes finally closed and she repeated quietly before drifting into sleep, “Love…”
Edward sat and stared at her for a long time before a nurse came in to check her over. He was aware that the heart monitor had begun to beat more slowly and her breath had become shallower, but he couldn’t make himself move. He knew he should probably call Jacob.
The nurse did it for him, though, and in a few minutes, Jacob Black calmly entered Bella’s room.
Edward stood and carefully removed Bella’s hand from his own. The two men faced each other with rather blank expressions for a minute before Edward slowly walked toward Jacob and extended his hand. The rest of his life would be lived by carrying out Bella’s wishes and he had a feeling that Jacob somehow understood that.
Jake nodded and took Edward’s hand with a firm grip. He nodded in understanding as he gazed into Edward’s eyes and said quietly, “When Ellie gets here, will you please prepare her? Bella’s doctor told me he doesn’t think she’ll make it past another few hours.”
Edward nodded and wondered if Jacob was aware of what Bella had made him promise. If he was, he was obviously okay with it. Not for the first time, Edward thought that Jake was probably a better man than he was.
Jacob turned his attention to Bella and Edward quietly slipped out the door, taking one last glance at the only woman he would ever passionately love. Instead of a dying fifty-three year old woman, though, he saw the beautiful and vivacious seventeen year old girl he’d first known. Her passion had never changed, only shifted, and even though she was dying, Edward couldn’t help but be happy she had chosen to stay alive all those years ago.
It wasn’t until he was downstairs in the lobby waiting for Ellie that he realized he had never even thought about asking her if she wanted him to turn her. Somehow he’d known that she no longer considered it an option.
Ten minutes later, Ellie flew through the hospital doors, obviously frantic. She caught sight of Edward almost right away and skidded to a stop in front of him. Her words weren’t what Edward was expecting.
“You said she was waiting for you and now she’s dying. What the hell, Edward?”
He couldn’t quite decipher her tone, unable to tell whether she was angry or just upset. He didn’t know how to answer.
“I…I didn’t mean to…”
Ellie shook her head and interrupted him. “I’m not accusing you. I’m just saying it’s weird. And that you’re weird. But I kind of like you anyway.” Ellie gave him an awkward grin and then unexpectedly burst into tears.
“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I’m just freaking out right now. I’m really freaking out.”
Edward frowned, wanting to take her in his arms and comfort her, but aware that would probably make her even more confused. Before he knew it, however, she had already laid her head on his chest and was crying into his shirt. He hoped she was too upset to notice how strange and hard his skin.
“Shh, it’s alright,” he said quietly. He lightly rubbed her back, careful to try and make his touch seem normal. After a few minutes, Ellie calmed down, still sniffling but in control of herself.
“You should probably get up to her room,” Edward said comfortingly. “She’ll know you’re there, even if she’s not awake. Now she’s waiting for you.”
Ellie nodded and took a step back. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, then turned and headed quickly up the stairs.
Edward watched her go and then walked slowly out of the hospital into the rain. He crossed the parking lot and stood at the edge of the trees, looking up at the window he knew to be Bella’s. He had counted windows from inside the building so he could keep his own silent vigil outside. He hadn’t expected it to be so short.
He waited.
Ellie steeled herself outside her mother’s door. She knew she had to face this, but she didn’t know where to begin. Instead of thinking about it, Ellie opened the door and entered the room. Her father was holding her mother’s hand and a few nurses stood by, obviously waiting for something to happen.
Ellie gazed at her father, amazed by his composure. She felt an odd sense of peace in the room, and though she didn’t quite understand it, the feeling made her calmer. Jake tore his gaze away from Bella’s and smiled at Ellie, even though it seemed a little forced.
“Hi, Elle. Are you okay?”
Ellie nodded and walked slowly to her mother’s other side. She looked at her for the first time and was surprised to see her eyes open, looking at her with concern. Bella was the one dying, but she was worried about Ellie. There was an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth to help her breathe and it looked like she was way past being able to say anything. Ellie worked hard to keep herself from bursting into tears again and begging her mother not to die, but nevertheless, a few slipped down her cheeks anyway.
Bella’s eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head ever so slightly, obviously telling Ellie not to cry. With one last show of strength, she moved her arm to try and take the oxygen mask off, but her father quickly and gently pulled it back onto the bed.
“Shh, don’t, Bells. I’ll do it.” He glanced at the nurses once, but Ellie knew he probably didn’t care whether or not they tried to stop him. These were Bella’s last moments and she was going to get them no matter what. Jacob gently took the oxygen mask from her face, and it was obvious right away that Bella began to struggle to get a breath. He made a move as if to put it back in place, but she glared at him and he stayed still.
Bella composed herself for a minute and then looked at Ellie. Ellie held her hand and managed to give her a weak smile. Bella’s thumb moved slowly back and forth over the back of Ellie’s hand, and even though Ellie knew even the tiniest movement was too much for her, she wanted it. She wanted her mother’s comfort until the last possible moment, though she couldn’t help feeling it should have been the other way around.
Bella opened her mouth to speak, but at first no sound came out. After a minute, she finally said in a firm, but quiet whisper, “I…have loved you my whole life, Ellie. Since before…I even knew you existed. You’re the best thing we’ve ever done.” Ellie nodded as more tears fell. She couldn’t speak.
Bella’s eyes were moist. She gave Ellie’s hand one last squeeze and then turned her head to look at Jacob.
He smiled at Bella, a brilliant smile that lit up the whole room, the whole world. Ellie didn’t expect to see that smile at a moment like this, but she was grateful that she did. She knew her dad’s smile was her mom’s favorite thing in the whole world, that he could make her do anything just by smiling at her.
Bella’s strength was obviously fading, but Ellie thought she heard her say quietly, with lips barely moving, “The sun,” as she gazed at Jacob. She smiled back at him and then closed her eyes.
Bella’s breathing grew more labored as the minutes dragged on and the heart monitor finally slowed to barely a crawl. Ellie didn’t know how long it took, minutes or hours or years, an interminable amount of time, before her mom drew her last ragged breath. Ellie sat perfectly still, staring at her lifeless and peaceful face, waiting for the next breath, willing her to take just one more…but it never came. She was aware of the nurses speaking quietly and the voice of Bella’s doctor announcing her time of death, bit still Ellie didn’t move.
When she finally looked at her father, his smile was gone, replaced by a look of utter agony. It almost hurt worse than knowing her mother was dead. She didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything at all.
The nurses and doctors gave them more time, but finally, Ellie felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She still couldn’t understand what people were saying and she felt an insane urge to laugh as she realized she felt like one of the kids in a Peanuts cartoon, hearing the incessant “blahblahblah” drone of their teacher. She saw her dad nod, though, and figured he knew what was happening. She would just follow his lead.
Ellie looked back at her mom’s face, wondering where she was now that her body was no longer occupied. The strangest memories were coming back to her, flipping through her mind like images in a photo album. Being sick in bed with the flu and her mom reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe out loud to make her feel better, baking batches and batches of brownies for a Christmas party with all of her dad’s friends who had humongous appetites, hearing her mom cheer as she rode her bike without training wheels for the first time, waving goodbye on the first day of school, trying on dresses for her senior prom…
Suddenly, Ellie was aware that she was gasping for air, crying loud and wrenching sobs. She couldn’t stop shaking and the room was spinning and she wanted to go with her mom, just lay down next to her in the narrow bed and never move. She soon felt a pair of strong arms around her, though, and a soft, deep voice was talking into her hair. She turned and clung to her dad, not caring that it made her feel five years old again. She wanted to be five years old again, to be able to live her life over and just have more time.
She felt him pick her up effortlessly and carry her into the hallway, where he sat down in a chair with her in his lap. He didn’t speak, just rubbed comforting circles into her back and held her tightly. She cried until she felt like she couldn’t cry anymore.
She slowly drew in deep breaths after her tears had ceased and laid her head against her dad’s shoulder. “I love you, daddy,” she said quietly, aware that she hadn’t called him “daddy” since she was a teenager.
He kissed her forehead. “I love you, too, Ellie.” She was amazed at his composure, at his dry eyes, at his resolute strength. She had thought it was going to be the other way around, that she would have to comfort him, but unexpectedly the tables had turned. Her heart felt more full at that moment than she ever thought possible, with despair and sorrow and love and a strange sort of joy she couldn’t even place.
Slowly, she got off her father’s lap and sighed, rubbing her eyes and running her fingers through her tangled hair. She knew she looked like a mess. She realized quite suddenly that she was absolutely exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep.
Jacob stood and took her hand, leading her downstairs and out of the hospital. They didn’t speak as they walked to the truck and climbed inside. Ellie leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes. Unexpectedly, she felt a strange warmth on her face and her closed eyelids glowed a faint reddish orange. She opened her eyes to see the sunshine peeking out from behind a cloud for the first time in what felt like, and probably was, days. She smiled as she felt the truck’s engine rumble into life underneath them and her dad pulled out of the parking space his truck had occupied almost constantly for the last week. They passed by the edge of the trees and a flash of movement caught Ellie’s eye.
Edward stepped out into the sunlight and stared at her as they passed. Ellie could have sworn she saw his skin glitter like a million tiny diamonds in the sunlight, but when she rubbed her eyes and looked back, he was gone.
Well, how was it? Please let me know what you think...I've been absent from this story so long I don't remember what it feels like to get reviews for it! There's not much more of this left at ALL. I'm going to feel so accomplished to actually get an entire multi-chapter story finished!
BTW, if you're a fan of Narnia, check out the podcast I cohost all about Narnia fanfiction and Narnia itself: www.ascastpodcast.com