Hey hey I have been saved, sun shining on my pain...
I've gone back to not remembering what I dreamed about for the last two nights. Guess that's good in a way, but I'm not sure I like how I remember feelings (albeit dull) from them. I broke last night, and I will not name who the person is that caused me to break. He is a good friend of mine, however its no one anybody knows. I came out of it feeling dirty, cheap, and small. I remembered writing...well, more like stabbing, my journal last night with a pen. Things that I will never post on here, but they needed an outlet. I'm actually surprised I didn't tear through to the next few pages.
How could I have been so stupid? So naive? So completely and utterly foolish? I don't understand what's wrong with me anymore. I'm so afraid of returning to this dark part of my life that I thought I left behind back in high school. There are no ulterior motives behind this, I swear! Believe me, I know that there are many people that will not let me go there. I've just lost it. I don't have the motivation for anything anymore. I just want to be done and out of here. I'm tired. I'm spent. And all I want is to go home. I love my family (blood and bond related). If it weren't for my family here I don't know what I would do.
For now all I can really do is attempt to put on a happy face...
How could I have been so stupid? So naive? So completely and utterly foolish? I don't understand what's wrong with me anymore. I'm so afraid of returning to this dark part of my life that I thought I left behind back in high school. There are no ulterior motives behind this, I swear! Believe me, I know that there are many people that will not let me go there. I've just lost it. I don't have the motivation for anything anymore. I just want to be done and out of here. I'm tired. I'm spent. And all I want is to go home. I love my family (blood and bond related). If it weren't for my family here I don't know what I would do.
For now all I can really do is attempt to put on a happy face...