Rico can't decide whether he wants to keep his eyes on Sean or on that lovely speck of Nexus Wall just behind him. He sits down, not exactly beside Sean, and just looks at him.
"Don't know how to say what?" His voice is pretty much steady, though it's got a sort of tight curiosity in the background. Like he's not sure what's going on, or if he even likes it.
"I...I wanted to kiss you. Before the...I think it was an LOL...before it made me, I wanted to kiss you. But you've been so mad at me and I didn't know, know how to..." he trails off, face flushed, hands twisting in on themselves.
"It was never you. I mean." He rubs the heel of his hand against his face. "I told you from the beginning, I didn't want a relationship. It was never about you. I just, never wanted you to get hurt. Or me." He looks up at Rico, face a little distressed. "But since then I've been hurting, and I hurt you and I thought I could keep us safe but I was wrong and.." and he has to stop for breath. His eyes are still on Rico's face, expression turning to pleading.
Rico almost starts to mimic the look on Sean's face, because he's been hurting too. Leaving Sean didn't fix the hurt, it just made it come from a different place.
"What do you mean you were wrong?" he asks, even though he's got that sneaking suspicion that he knew the answer when Sean kissed him.
"Pushing you away. Pushing...pushing feelings away." He shifts closer and reaches for Rico's hand. "A relationship. I didn't want one because I was afraid. And for the amount of people saying not to get involved if I wasn't sure, there were just as many saying I should give it a shot." He bites his lip again.
"Feelings?" He feels like his heart's trying to keep his throat from working properly. "You... oh."
Rico waits for a few seconds, just to make sure that the ratio of stupid stuff to non-stupid stuff coming out of his mouth goes down a bit. It also gives him a second to figure out what to do with Sean's hand, now so closely held around his.
"And...I didn't even realize it. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. Because I want to try. With you." And there, he's said it, time to crawl into a hole.
"You don't have to say anything now. And I don't expect you to.." he swallows again and looks down. "I just wanted to tell you. And I didn't mean to tell you until maybe Wednesday. But here it is."
Rico... continues not to know what to say. Talk about being whacked upside the head with a bag of bricks. He swallows too, biting his lip and looking anywhere but Sean.
A month ago... a month ago, he would have been overjoyed. A month ago, he would have kissed Sean back. Now, though... he doesn't know.
Sean's face heats up even more. He swallows again.
He just shfits though, watching Rico and trying not to push him. Pushing would be bad. He stays quiet, mostly because he might start crying if he says anything else.
"...I understand." It takes every bit of strength he has not to let his voice wobble. "It's my own fault and...and I accept it. I'm sorry, Rico." He wraps his arms around his knees and looks down.
"Don't know how to say what?" His voice is pretty much steady, though it's got a sort of tight curiosity in the background. Like he's not sure what's going on, or if he even likes it.
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There's a long pause.
"...me."
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"What do you mean you were wrong?" he asks, even though he's got that sneaking suspicion that he knew the answer when Sean kissed him.
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Rico waits for a few seconds, just to make sure that the ratio of stupid stuff to non-stupid stuff coming out of his mouth goes down a bit. It also gives him a second to figure out what to do with Sean's hand, now so closely held around his.
"...I don't know what to say, Sean." It's true.
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"And...I didn't even realize it. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. Because I want to try. With you." And there, he's said it, time to crawl into a hole.
"You don't have to say anything now. And I don't expect you to.." he swallows again and looks down. "I just wanted to tell you. And I didn't mean to tell you until maybe Wednesday. But here it is."
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A month ago... a month ago, he would have been overjoyed. A month ago, he would have kissed Sean back. Now, though... he doesn't know.
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He just shfits though, watching Rico and trying not to push him. Pushing would be bad. He stays quiet, mostly because he might start crying if he says anything else.
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He lets go of Sean's hand to rub his face, uber-conscious of just how important what his next words are going to be.
"I don't know, Sean," he says quietly. "I... I don't know right now. I did, and now I don't."
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"I'm not saying never, just..." He leaves it hanging.
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"You can. Still come by on Wednesday if you want," he half-whispers.
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He pauses.
"I think I'd like to."
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"I guess I'll...see you then."
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