Habits can be broken, Irish. If you wish things to be different, make them so.
You said above that you "flatly told Eagle, 'I know you have your priorities,'" but honestly, you told him nothing. Flatly telling him something would be along the lines of, "I realize that yardwork/errands/etc is important to you, but after what happened last weekend, I thought we were closer than that, and I wanted to spend some personal time with you."
Say what you want, and say it clearly. If they refuse, then you need to move on.
But most importantly: You're being treated as a doormat because you allow yourself to be treated so. Eleanor Roosevelt said this, and I live by it. You teach others how to treat you. You have taught him that you will come at the drop of a hat, do whatever he asks, etc.
Perhaps it is time to walk away from him, take time out, so to speak. No phone calls, nothing. And give yourself time to find out who you are, not who you are in relation to him.
One last thing: You perceive that you are "needed." You are not -- his life will continue on, the hamster wheel will continue to spin, as the saying goes. You are wanted, and you go. This makes you feel good -- temporarily. But he is an adult; his life will go wherever he directs it. If you are not there, what happens is not your responsibility, just as what happens in your life when he is not around is not his responsibility.
You need to take time for yourself, and put yourself first. You can make excuses, or you can do this. It's neither cold-hearted nor extreme. It's simply loving and respecting yourself. If you don't love and respect yourself, how do you expect others to?
x Stern Lula, who's Been There, Done That, and Ain't Goin' Back Again
I appreciate the fact you called yourself "stern" rather than mean, hard or cold.
You are right. I did not say to him what I was feeling which was more along the lines of "nice to know putting weed and feed on your lawn is more important to you than our friendship." Rather blunt and to the point. The really funny thing in all of this is, this is the man who 18 years ago described me as "abrasive" because he felt I was too in your face honest. Apparently, being subversive is not going to get my point across so perhaps I need to dust off the "old Irish".
You said above that you "flatly told Eagle, 'I know you have your priorities,'" but honestly, you told him nothing. Flatly telling him something would be along the lines of, "I realize that yardwork/errands/etc is important to you, but after what happened last weekend, I thought we were closer than that, and I wanted to spend some personal time with you."
Say what you want, and say it clearly. If they refuse, then you need to move on.
But most importantly: You're being treated as a doormat because you allow yourself to be treated so. Eleanor Roosevelt said this, and I live by it. You teach others how to treat you. You have taught him that you will come at the drop of a hat, do whatever he asks, etc.
Perhaps it is time to walk away from him, take time out, so to speak. No phone calls, nothing. And give yourself time to find out who you are, not who you are in relation to him.
One last thing: You perceive that you are "needed." You are not -- his life will continue on, the hamster wheel will continue to spin, as the saying goes. You are wanted, and you go. This makes you feel good -- temporarily. But he is an adult; his life will go wherever he directs it. If you are not there, what happens is not your responsibility, just as what happens in your life when he is not around is not his responsibility.
You need to take time for yourself, and put yourself first. You can make excuses, or you can do this. It's neither cold-hearted nor extreme. It's simply loving and respecting yourself. If you don't love and respect yourself, how do you expect others to?
x
Stern Lula, who's Been There, Done That, and Ain't Goin' Back Again
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I appreciate the fact you called yourself "stern" rather than mean, hard or cold.
You are right. I did not say to him what I was feeling which was more along the lines of "nice to know putting weed and feed on your lawn is more important to you than our friendship." Rather blunt and to the point. The really funny thing in all of this is, this is the man who 18 years ago described me as "abrasive" because he felt I was too in your face honest. Apparently, being subversive is not going to get my point across so perhaps I need to dust off the "old Irish".
Hugs
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