I miss you, and the collision of your kiss that makes is hard.
I am such a god damned loser. Nobody loves me... not even the mad who wanted to marry me. He chose another person over me. Not in a sexual way..but in a friendship way. He took her side over mine, and now more than ever I hate her for ruining my happy exsistance. I was going to marry him you evil bitch! Then you came along with all your helpfullness and stole him from me, stole his loyalty!! Why? I love him so much it is physicaly painfull without him. I don't know what to do! Do I get my bachelors out of state? Go back to FL to get it, eventho I can't stand it there? How can I avoid the pain? He dosen't even care that he has this much of an affect on me!!! I remember the days when all my pictures on myspace were of me and him kissing, such an amazing kiss. Its like our lips were ment for only eachothers. There is a lyric in a MCR song that sums it up best, " I miss you, I miss you so far, and the collision of your kiss that makes it so hard" I have been made to feel unloved, unwanted, ugly, an stale. How can anyone ever want me? I wish I were one of the beautiful people, so I could get anyone... just to pay attention to me, not to fuck, just to tell me I am worth something, I am beautiful... pretty girls always get that. Why is happiness so impossible? everywhere I see happy people, and now more than ever I see couples, holding hands, and kissing in the halls. When I see them I get a chill thru my body like he is there brushing up against me as I walk by. SO intense sometimes I can smell his cologne. One day I am going to break down right there in the hallway... I wish I could turn it off. I know now what infinate sadness feels like.. neverending peril! utter dispair! I wish she would go away. I wish she would just get over her obsession with him, leave him alone...he is supposed to be mine! Well, I am going to cry myself to sleep another night. Please gods help me!!! I can't take much more pain.