Sometimes you have to put walls up..to see who cares enough to break them down
so hmm january 30, 2006 was a day that will never be forgotten. i grew closer to my friends and learned something that i will never forget. i've been so stressed out lately. i mean with school and jackie and my dad telling me to bring up my grades even more then i have ..idk its jus frustrating i mean everytime i talk to him its a different thing and im like god damnit what the fuck dd i do this time .. its like i can never do anything right for him..i feel like such a screw up...i mean my dad an i had such a good relationship when i wasnt under his custody and now that i am its like damn who is this guy? he sure as hell aint my father..and then theres the whole letting your feelings for someone out just to get it thrown back in your face...i dont kno anymore i just donr kno...i feel so lonley and outta place lately and i have this feeling that nicole an i dont really talk that much anymore.and it sucks i mean i love her to death but i feel like we are losing touch ...idk so yea besides that i had a panic attack the other night...i mean i could not breathe an when i say this i mean i coulnd breathe and then i was crying throwing up and had a bloody nose an now my eyes are bleeding and ayla and brigitte had to bring me to the hospital...ahhhhhhhhh i jus wanna scream