(no subject)
I went away but what I really left behind was me. I thought that when I was away I was missing something inside of myself, my own personal conundrum. This puzzle was just eating away at me. With not much left to hold on to I took a guess, I played my hand I bet on an answer. I guessed I was nothing but homesick. But the hand I played I went all in blind. And it was a bluff. I returned home for nothing but the same old ache in my step, and the same slouch in my stance. It just feels like there's nothing more for me here, and yet the ties holding my on this forsaken grounds are so strong that I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I believe I have friends here but they act as if they are both friend and foe. It baffles me how we treat eachother. This so called "drama" is treated as a normality. The malicious behavior towards each other is approached with such a nonchalant mannor that it is hard for me to spend time with you, and those of you who know me well enough know it's hard for me to commit to anything.
I feel run down. Everyday is the same feeling no matter what. I thought that my life would turn around if i starting to focus on helping myself to have a good time instead of trying to help everyone else. As soon as I started to stop focusing on other people's happiness i found out that I can't make myself happy. So stop hanging out with me. It's not like many of the people who read this even talk to me or make the effort so I release you, I'm dragging you down. I am the anchor of the group and you all need to move on.
If life had a pause button would you know how to use it? If so, in that frozen perfect moment would you be able to let go? Would you gather the strength to push play and lose that moment forever?
I feel run down. Everyday is the same feeling no matter what. I thought that my life would turn around if i starting to focus on helping myself to have a good time instead of trying to help everyone else. As soon as I started to stop focusing on other people's happiness i found out that I can't make myself happy. So stop hanging out with me. It's not like many of the people who read this even talk to me or make the effort so I release you, I'm dragging you down. I am the anchor of the group and you all need to move on.
If life had a pause button would you know how to use it? If so, in that frozen perfect moment would you be able to let go? Would you gather the strength to push play and lose that moment forever?