Fic: Clean Slate (5/7)
Title: Clean Slate (5/7)
Author:irishka1205
Character: Sam, Dean, Bobby, Ruby, Castiel, Uriel, Anna, Lilith
Spoilers: through 4.14
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody or anything. They all belong to the evil genius that is Eric Kripke.
Rating: PG
Summary: When Dean is attacked by demons, Sam must do whatever it takes to keep his brother safe.
Author’s Note: Huge, gigantic thank you to muses_circle for being my beta and personal cheerleader when it comes to writing and to crazundeadfairy for giving me another pair of eyes on this story and continuing to listen to my fangirly squee on daily basis.
Previous chapters: Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Sam smirked. “I think we both know I won’t be the one going to hell today.” He leaned in even closer. “So, where is Lilith?”
*****
Part 5
“He did what?”
“Calm down, Dean.”
Dean stared at Bobby as if the man had two heads. Learning that he had just spent five months of his life as somebody else with absolutely no memories of who he really was, well, he had no idea how to react to that. Even worse was learning that it was his brother’s decision that was responsible for all of it.
“He wiped my memory, Bobby,” Dean needlessly reminded the other man.
“Well, technically he wasn’t the one who did it,” a voice came from behind.
Dean turned to Ruby. “Oh, right, of course. I have you to thank for that.” He glared to her. He always knew that she would do whatever it took to get him out of Sam’s life. But killing him would obviously turn Sam against her. This was a safe way to accomplish everything she had planned for his little brother without Dean in the picture.
“Hey, I had nothing to do with this,” she replied defensively, holding her arms up.
“Yeah, right.” He wasn’t buying the innocent look. She was too good of an actress.
“Dean, it was Anna.”
Dean turned around to face Bobby once again. The sails of anger directed toward his brother as well as the demon standing next to him slightly deflated at this piece of news. “Anna?” he repeated, hoping he heard wrong.
“Yes,” Bobby replied with a sigh. Taking advantage of a break in Dean’s rant, he continued, “Sam summoned her when you…when we couldn‘t figure out a way to help you.”
“Sam summoned…” Dean’s thoughts were so jumbled, conflicting memories mixed with anger and frustration and complete confusion. But one thought, one question was crystal clear in his head. “Where the hell is he?”
Bobby and Ruby shared a look. The old man looked away while Ruby looked up to meet Dean’s eyes.
“Where is Sam?” Dean asked again, a sudden feeling of dread spreading through his body.
“Lilith,” Ruby answered with a sigh. “He went after Lilith.”
Those last four words made Dean completely forget all about the five months of his life that he lost. He felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on his chest and he could barely get a breath in. Sam could be fighting Lilith that very moment. And the panic that this thought generated was almost unbearable.
“Alone? You let him go alone?” He demanded of Bobby.
“You know your brother,” Bobby tried to defend himself. “If he gets anything in that head of his, there’s no stopping him. Believe me, I tried.”
Knowing Sam better than anybody, Dean knew all too well how stubborn Sam could get. “But why did you let him go alone?” Dean turned his attention to the demon. She always seemed to have a way with Sam, some way to make his brother do whatever it was she wanted. “Why didn’t you at least go with him?”
“He made me stay here,” she responded.
He wasn‘t sure how to take that. “Made you?“ The thought of a demon listening to his brother, worse yet, of Sam trusting a demon to such a degree made his stomach churn. “Still being an obedient bitch, I see.”
The two glared at each other. Finally Dean broke the silence. “Where did he go?” They needed to find Sam and stop him from doing something incredibly stupid. Then they could discuss everything else that was on his mind.
“I don’t know. He didn‘t know where she was when he left here,” Ruby confided.
“Then how can you be sure he went after her?”
“He had a plan,” was all she said in response.
“What plan?”
“How to get the information he needed.”
Something about all this didn’t sound right. “And how exactly was he going to do that?”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “How do you think?”
Dean had to fight the urge to pull the knife out and end her right there and then. But he had more important things to take care of first. And as much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Ruby would do whatever it took to keep Sam alive. He needed her to save Sam.
“Oh, that’s just…great,” he exclaimed. “Well, I’m stopping it.” He dug out his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart, hoping that in the months of their separation his brother hadn’t changed the number. He stood in the middle of the room, waiting and praying for Sam to answer the phone.
When he heard Ruby clear her throat behind him, Dean turned around only to see her pick up a cell phone from the kitchen counter. Sam’s phone.
“Dammit,” Dean exclaimed as he stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. .
“He sure knows you well.” Bobby commented.
“He knows you pretty well too,” Rubby added. “He knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your mouth shut to him.” She pointed at Dean.
“Oh, you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Dean growled at her. He needed an outlet for his anger and frustration and she fit the bill.
“Oh, yes, Dean, I am enjoying being stuck babysitting you. My big plan is to sit here on my ass while Sam gets himself killed.” She glowered back at him, every word out of her mouth dripping with sarcasm, her anger matching his.
“Are you two done yet?” Bobby’s tired voice cut through tension that filled the room.
Looking away from the demon, still fuming, Dean nevertheless nodded. He wanted nothing more than to go a few rounds with her, but right now they had more important things to deal with. Ruby nodded as well. While their motives were different, their priorities were obviously the same - save Sam.
“Good,” Bobby said. “Now, how the hell are we going to find him?”
“There is one way,” Ruby said.
“And what’s that?” Dean asked, snidely. Just because they had to work together didn’t mean he had to be nice to her.
“How do you think I always find him?”
“Honestly? I thought you had a GPS chip implanted in him.”
“That’s a really great idea. Maybe you should look into that.” She pulled a pouch out of her back pocket. “This works almost as well.”
“Witchcraft?” Dean asked incredulously.
“Works like magic,” she smirked at him. “Give me a few minutes.” With that she left the room.
Dean watched her leave and then collapsed into a nearby chair with a loud sigh, head in his hands.
“You ok?” Bobby asked.
“I’m fine.”
“Dean…”
“I’m fine, Bobby, honest,” he replied, running his hand through his hair. “I just have the ‘my brother is being an idiot’ headache. Believe me, I recognize the symptoms.”
Bobby nodded.
Dean sighed, his mind going over everything that he had just learned in the last five minutes. Everything that had happened in the last five months. And one question kept running through his head. “How could he do it, Bobby? How could he make a decision like that?”
“What? Wipe your memories?
Dean nodded in response.
Bobby sat down next to him. “It wasn’t easy. You were in pretty bad shape when he brought you here.”
Dean sat up and looked over at the older man. “I was here?” He had no recollection of that trip.
“Yeah. Right after Sam found you, he brought you here. We looked for a way, anything to help you. But there was nothing.” Bobby’s voice was grim, full of sadness as he remembered. “I told him to wait, give it a little while longer. I thought…you just needed time to heal. But he couldn’t stand to see you like that. Not that I can blame him.” Bobby exhaled loudly. “So, he summoned Anna. She told him there was a way to help you, to save you. And that’s the end of it.”
“He had no right to do this,” Dean repeated.
“What? Save your life?”
“Take my memories. Take…everything. It wasn‘t his decision to make.”
Bobby stared at him for a moment. “What would you have done?” he asked pointedly.
Dean hated to admit it, but Bobby was right. If push came to shove; he probably would have made the same decision. But he wasn’t going to admit it aloud.
“Look,” Bobby continued, “I don’t necessarily agree with every decision Sam’s made in the past. Especially the recent past. And I would love nothing more than to knock some sense into that boy for going after demons all by himself. But I will say this. He’s kept you alive, safe and sane for five months. And it wasn’t exactly a picnic for him.”
Dean stared at Bobby, taking in every single word that came out of the older man‘s mouth. “What are you talking about?” he asked, trying to swallow a lump that suddenly formed in his throat.
“Are you really that thick? What do you think it was like for him?” Bobby exclaimed. “He couldn’t come see you, couldn’t talk to you, afraid that it would trigger your memories and hallucinations and everything else with it. And even if he did talk to you, you had no idea who he even was.” Bobby shook his head, as if trying to get rid of memories of his own. “It’s like he lost his brother,” he whispered. “Again.”
Dean felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach and for a few moments he fought to regain the ability to breathe as the thoughts of what Sam had gone through in those last five months now completely removed any traces of anger that he had felt toward his brother just moments before.
“So, if we do find him in time,” Bobby continued. “Just…cut him some slack, would you?”
Dean closed his eyes, then opened them and looked up at the older hunter. He was about to respond when they heard foot steps.
“I found him,” said Ruby.
***
“Where is she?” Sam asked again, his face mere inches away from the demon.
There was only one demon left in the tavern - the bartender, Sam having exorcised the others one by one. The demon was sitting in a chair with Sam using his powers to ensure that the demon did not get away.
“Tell me where she is,” he commanded. He focused once again and heard the demon gasp slightly. It was a lot harder to control this demon than it was with Ruby, mostly, Sam realized, because Ruby didn’t fight him. This demon fought tooth and nail to resist.
“Dawson ,” the demon finally answered.
“Address,” Sam pushed further.
“4997 Main Street ,” the demon ground out.
Finally having his answer, Sam let go of his hold on the demon, now only focusing hard enough to keep the demon in place.
Dawson was just next town over and Sam couldn’t believe that he was this close to Lilith. But it all made sense. All demonic signs in the area pointed to this tavern and if any hunter was looking for demons, they‘d come here, while Lilith remained unnoticed right next door.
“You realize that she’s using you as a diversion, right? You were just sitting ducks here.”
“I know.”
“And you’re still loyal to her?” Sam asked, incredulously.
The demon sneered. “I didn’t do it for her. I did it…”
Sam understood. “Right, right, for your lord,” he finished sarcastically. “Well,” he said as he came closer to the demon again and put his hand on top of the man’s head. “Tell Lucifer I said hi.”
With that, Sam focused all his energy on the demon. But it wasn’t to send the demon back to hell, not when there was a possibility that even from hell the truth about Sam knowing her whereabouts could get back to Lilith. He couldn’t take that chance. Instead, Sam focused with all his might on burning the demon right out of the human body it possessed.
His head was starting to ache, but Sam refused to back down and pushed harder instead. Another minute and the demon screamed as the light illuminated from within the body.
And then he was gone.
Sam stood rooted in place, his breathing labored, coming in and out in short gasps. Feeling something wet under his nose, Sam swiped at it with the back of his hand and looked down. His hand was covered in blood. It had been a while since he’d given himself a bloody nose. This took a lot more out of him than any recent exorcisms. But despite the bloody nose and the pounding headache, Sam smiled.
He did it. The demon was dead.
Suddenly he wasn‘t alone in the room anymore. He knew who it was before he even saw him.
“You missed the party,” Sam said, turning around to face the angel.
“Sam, you have gone too far this time,” Castiel said as his gaze paused on the dead body in the chair. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet Sam’s.
“I did what I had to do,” Sam defended himself.
“You crossed the line,” Castiel insisted.
“I got the information we‘ve been looking for all this time. Aren’t you even interested in that? Lilith,” Sam took a step toward the angel. “I can give you Lilith. Isn’t that what you wanted? To find her and stop her?”
“There are other ways…”
“Other ways? You were willing to wipe out an entire town to stop a seal from being broken. Now all of a sudden you’re trying to find ‘other ways?” Sam raised his voice, incredulous at the hypocrisy of this whole situation. “What happened to doing whatever it takes?”
“We are…”
“No, you’re not!” Sam shouted. “You’re not. You’re letting us do all the work for you.” He was livid. He‘s kept it all inside for so long and now that he was letting it out, he couldn‘t stop himself. “You could have stopped it. You could have stopped it all. Before it even began. You knew it was coming and you could have prevented it. Could have gone after Lilith before she went into hiding. Hell, you could have stopped Azazel if you only wanted to. But no, you chose to let us fight your battles.”
Sam could have sworn he saw a glimpse of emotion on the angel’s face. This time he knew he didn’t imagine it.
“That is not true,” Castiel tried to defend himself, his voice quiet but steady.
“No? How many hunters have died for you? How many hunters have you sent on suicide missions for you and your God?!” Sam bellowed. “How many innocent people? Tortured, killed, possessed? How many is enough before you start to give a crap? Oh, right, you don’t. You don‘t care.” Sam got right into Castiel’s face. “You can’t. You can’t feel anything. You have no idea what it’s like to lose someone. What it’s like to die.”
“Sam…” Castiel tried again.
“No,” Sam shook his head as he stepped back. “I’m done listening. You want to kill me?” He raised his arms to the sides. “Here I am. Do it.”
Castiel did not so much as blink.
Sam lowered his arms, studying the angel’s face for a moment before speaking up again. “You’re not here to stop me, are you?”
When Castiel did not respond, Sam let out a chuckle. “Guess the big man upstairs didn’t give the order yet.” He crossed the room and opened the door to leave. He had nothing else to say to the angel.
“Sam, you can’t,” Castiel called after him.
Sam stopped in the doorway and turned around. “That’s the beauty of free will, Cas,“ he said, staring Castiel straight in the eye. “I can.” Without another word, Sam walked out of the building, shutting the door behind him.
He only had one thought on his mind now - Lilith.
Author:irishka1205
Character: Sam, Dean, Bobby, Ruby, Castiel, Uriel, Anna, Lilith
Spoilers: through 4.14
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody or anything. They all belong to the evil genius that is Eric Kripke.
Rating: PG
Summary: When Dean is attacked by demons, Sam must do whatever it takes to keep his brother safe.
Author’s Note: Huge, gigantic thank you to muses_circle for being my beta and personal cheerleader when it comes to writing and to crazundeadfairy for giving me another pair of eyes on this story and continuing to listen to my fangirly squee on daily basis.
Previous chapters: Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Sam smirked. “I think we both know I won’t be the one going to hell today.” He leaned in even closer. “So, where is Lilith?”
*****
Part 5
“He did what?”
“Calm down, Dean.”
Dean stared at Bobby as if the man had two heads. Learning that he had just spent five months of his life as somebody else with absolutely no memories of who he really was, well, he had no idea how to react to that. Even worse was learning that it was his brother’s decision that was responsible for all of it.
“He wiped my memory, Bobby,” Dean needlessly reminded the other man.
“Well, technically he wasn’t the one who did it,” a voice came from behind.
Dean turned to Ruby. “Oh, right, of course. I have you to thank for that.” He glared to her. He always knew that she would do whatever it took to get him out of Sam’s life. But killing him would obviously turn Sam against her. This was a safe way to accomplish everything she had planned for his little brother without Dean in the picture.
“Hey, I had nothing to do with this,” she replied defensively, holding her arms up.
“Yeah, right.” He wasn’t buying the innocent look. She was too good of an actress.
“Dean, it was Anna.”
Dean turned around to face Bobby once again. The sails of anger directed toward his brother as well as the demon standing next to him slightly deflated at this piece of news. “Anna?” he repeated, hoping he heard wrong.
“Yes,” Bobby replied with a sigh. Taking advantage of a break in Dean’s rant, he continued, “Sam summoned her when you…when we couldn‘t figure out a way to help you.”
“Sam summoned…” Dean’s thoughts were so jumbled, conflicting memories mixed with anger and frustration and complete confusion. But one thought, one question was crystal clear in his head. “Where the hell is he?”
Bobby and Ruby shared a look. The old man looked away while Ruby looked up to meet Dean’s eyes.
“Where is Sam?” Dean asked again, a sudden feeling of dread spreading through his body.
“Lilith,” Ruby answered with a sigh. “He went after Lilith.”
Those last four words made Dean completely forget all about the five months of his life that he lost. He felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on his chest and he could barely get a breath in. Sam could be fighting Lilith that very moment. And the panic that this thought generated was almost unbearable.
“Alone? You let him go alone?” He demanded of Bobby.
“You know your brother,” Bobby tried to defend himself. “If he gets anything in that head of his, there’s no stopping him. Believe me, I tried.”
Knowing Sam better than anybody, Dean knew all too well how stubborn Sam could get. “But why did you let him go alone?” Dean turned his attention to the demon. She always seemed to have a way with Sam, some way to make his brother do whatever it was she wanted. “Why didn’t you at least go with him?”
“He made me stay here,” she responded.
He wasn‘t sure how to take that. “Made you?“ The thought of a demon listening to his brother, worse yet, of Sam trusting a demon to such a degree made his stomach churn. “Still being an obedient bitch, I see.”
The two glared at each other. Finally Dean broke the silence. “Where did he go?” They needed to find Sam and stop him from doing something incredibly stupid. Then they could discuss everything else that was on his mind.
“I don’t know. He didn‘t know where she was when he left here,” Ruby confided.
“Then how can you be sure he went after her?”
“He had a plan,” was all she said in response.
“What plan?”
“How to get the information he needed.”
Something about all this didn’t sound right. “And how exactly was he going to do that?”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “How do you think?”
Dean had to fight the urge to pull the knife out and end her right there and then. But he had more important things to take care of first. And as much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Ruby would do whatever it took to keep Sam alive. He needed her to save Sam.
“Oh, that’s just…great,” he exclaimed. “Well, I’m stopping it.” He dug out his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart, hoping that in the months of their separation his brother hadn’t changed the number. He stood in the middle of the room, waiting and praying for Sam to answer the phone.
When he heard Ruby clear her throat behind him, Dean turned around only to see her pick up a cell phone from the kitchen counter. Sam’s phone.
“Dammit,” Dean exclaimed as he stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. .
“He sure knows you well.” Bobby commented.
“He knows you pretty well too,” Rubby added. “He knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your mouth shut to him.” She pointed at Dean.
“Oh, you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Dean growled at her. He needed an outlet for his anger and frustration and she fit the bill.
“Oh, yes, Dean, I am enjoying being stuck babysitting you. My big plan is to sit here on my ass while Sam gets himself killed.” She glowered back at him, every word out of her mouth dripping with sarcasm, her anger matching his.
“Are you two done yet?” Bobby’s tired voice cut through tension that filled the room.
Looking away from the demon, still fuming, Dean nevertheless nodded. He wanted nothing more than to go a few rounds with her, but right now they had more important things to deal with. Ruby nodded as well. While their motives were different, their priorities were obviously the same - save Sam.
“Good,” Bobby said. “Now, how the hell are we going to find him?”
“There is one way,” Ruby said.
“And what’s that?” Dean asked, snidely. Just because they had to work together didn’t mean he had to be nice to her.
“How do you think I always find him?”
“Honestly? I thought you had a GPS chip implanted in him.”
“That’s a really great idea. Maybe you should look into that.” She pulled a pouch out of her back pocket. “This works almost as well.”
“Witchcraft?” Dean asked incredulously.
“Works like magic,” she smirked at him. “Give me a few minutes.” With that she left the room.
Dean watched her leave and then collapsed into a nearby chair with a loud sigh, head in his hands.
“You ok?” Bobby asked.
“I’m fine.”
“Dean…”
“I’m fine, Bobby, honest,” he replied, running his hand through his hair. “I just have the ‘my brother is being an idiot’ headache. Believe me, I recognize the symptoms.”
Bobby nodded.
Dean sighed, his mind going over everything that he had just learned in the last five minutes. Everything that had happened in the last five months. And one question kept running through his head. “How could he do it, Bobby? How could he make a decision like that?”
“What? Wipe your memories?
Dean nodded in response.
Bobby sat down next to him. “It wasn’t easy. You were in pretty bad shape when he brought you here.”
Dean sat up and looked over at the older man. “I was here?” He had no recollection of that trip.
“Yeah. Right after Sam found you, he brought you here. We looked for a way, anything to help you. But there was nothing.” Bobby’s voice was grim, full of sadness as he remembered. “I told him to wait, give it a little while longer. I thought…you just needed time to heal. But he couldn’t stand to see you like that. Not that I can blame him.” Bobby exhaled loudly. “So, he summoned Anna. She told him there was a way to help you, to save you. And that’s the end of it.”
“He had no right to do this,” Dean repeated.
“What? Save your life?”
“Take my memories. Take…everything. It wasn‘t his decision to make.”
Bobby stared at him for a moment. “What would you have done?” he asked pointedly.
Dean hated to admit it, but Bobby was right. If push came to shove; he probably would have made the same decision. But he wasn’t going to admit it aloud.
“Look,” Bobby continued, “I don’t necessarily agree with every decision Sam’s made in the past. Especially the recent past. And I would love nothing more than to knock some sense into that boy for going after demons all by himself. But I will say this. He’s kept you alive, safe and sane for five months. And it wasn’t exactly a picnic for him.”
Dean stared at Bobby, taking in every single word that came out of the older man‘s mouth. “What are you talking about?” he asked, trying to swallow a lump that suddenly formed in his throat.
“Are you really that thick? What do you think it was like for him?” Bobby exclaimed. “He couldn’t come see you, couldn’t talk to you, afraid that it would trigger your memories and hallucinations and everything else with it. And even if he did talk to you, you had no idea who he even was.” Bobby shook his head, as if trying to get rid of memories of his own. “It’s like he lost his brother,” he whispered. “Again.”
Dean felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach and for a few moments he fought to regain the ability to breathe as the thoughts of what Sam had gone through in those last five months now completely removed any traces of anger that he had felt toward his brother just moments before.
“So, if we do find him in time,” Bobby continued. “Just…cut him some slack, would you?”
Dean closed his eyes, then opened them and looked up at the older hunter. He was about to respond when they heard foot steps.
“I found him,” said Ruby.
***
“Where is she?” Sam asked again, his face mere inches away from the demon.
There was only one demon left in the tavern - the bartender, Sam having exorcised the others one by one. The demon was sitting in a chair with Sam using his powers to ensure that the demon did not get away.
“Tell me where she is,” he commanded. He focused once again and heard the demon gasp slightly. It was a lot harder to control this demon than it was with Ruby, mostly, Sam realized, because Ruby didn’t fight him. This demon fought tooth and nail to resist.
“Dawson ,” the demon finally answered.
“Address,” Sam pushed further.
“4997 Main Street ,” the demon ground out.
Finally having his answer, Sam let go of his hold on the demon, now only focusing hard enough to keep the demon in place.
Dawson was just next town over and Sam couldn’t believe that he was this close to Lilith. But it all made sense. All demonic signs in the area pointed to this tavern and if any hunter was looking for demons, they‘d come here, while Lilith remained unnoticed right next door.
“You realize that she’s using you as a diversion, right? You were just sitting ducks here.”
“I know.”
“And you’re still loyal to her?” Sam asked, incredulously.
The demon sneered. “I didn’t do it for her. I did it…”
Sam understood. “Right, right, for your lord,” he finished sarcastically. “Well,” he said as he came closer to the demon again and put his hand on top of the man’s head. “Tell Lucifer I said hi.”
With that, Sam focused all his energy on the demon. But it wasn’t to send the demon back to hell, not when there was a possibility that even from hell the truth about Sam knowing her whereabouts could get back to Lilith. He couldn’t take that chance. Instead, Sam focused with all his might on burning the demon right out of the human body it possessed.
His head was starting to ache, but Sam refused to back down and pushed harder instead. Another minute and the demon screamed as the light illuminated from within the body.
And then he was gone.
Sam stood rooted in place, his breathing labored, coming in and out in short gasps. Feeling something wet under his nose, Sam swiped at it with the back of his hand and looked down. His hand was covered in blood. It had been a while since he’d given himself a bloody nose. This took a lot more out of him than any recent exorcisms. But despite the bloody nose and the pounding headache, Sam smiled.
He did it. The demon was dead.
Suddenly he wasn‘t alone in the room anymore. He knew who it was before he even saw him.
“You missed the party,” Sam said, turning around to face the angel.
“Sam, you have gone too far this time,” Castiel said as his gaze paused on the dead body in the chair. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet Sam’s.
“I did what I had to do,” Sam defended himself.
“You crossed the line,” Castiel insisted.
“I got the information we‘ve been looking for all this time. Aren’t you even interested in that? Lilith,” Sam took a step toward the angel. “I can give you Lilith. Isn’t that what you wanted? To find her and stop her?”
“There are other ways…”
“Other ways? You were willing to wipe out an entire town to stop a seal from being broken. Now all of a sudden you’re trying to find ‘other ways?” Sam raised his voice, incredulous at the hypocrisy of this whole situation. “What happened to doing whatever it takes?”
“We are…”
“No, you’re not!” Sam shouted. “You’re not. You’re letting us do all the work for you.” He was livid. He‘s kept it all inside for so long and now that he was letting it out, he couldn‘t stop himself. “You could have stopped it. You could have stopped it all. Before it even began. You knew it was coming and you could have prevented it. Could have gone after Lilith before she went into hiding. Hell, you could have stopped Azazel if you only wanted to. But no, you chose to let us fight your battles.”
Sam could have sworn he saw a glimpse of emotion on the angel’s face. This time he knew he didn’t imagine it.
“That is not true,” Castiel tried to defend himself, his voice quiet but steady.
“No? How many hunters have died for you? How many hunters have you sent on suicide missions for you and your God?!” Sam bellowed. “How many innocent people? Tortured, killed, possessed? How many is enough before you start to give a crap? Oh, right, you don’t. You don‘t care.” Sam got right into Castiel’s face. “You can’t. You can’t feel anything. You have no idea what it’s like to lose someone. What it’s like to die.”
“Sam…” Castiel tried again.
“No,” Sam shook his head as he stepped back. “I’m done listening. You want to kill me?” He raised his arms to the sides. “Here I am. Do it.”
Castiel did not so much as blink.
Sam lowered his arms, studying the angel’s face for a moment before speaking up again. “You’re not here to stop me, are you?”
When Castiel did not respond, Sam let out a chuckle. “Guess the big man upstairs didn’t give the order yet.” He crossed the room and opened the door to leave. He had nothing else to say to the angel.
“Sam, you can’t,” Castiel called after him.
Sam stopped in the doorway and turned around. “That’s the beauty of free will, Cas,“ he said, staring Castiel straight in the eye. “I can.” Without another word, Sam walked out of the building, shutting the door behind him.
He only had one thought on his mind now - Lilith.