Suddenly Single
Well, my relationship with Derek has ended. Our lease is up in a month which means I'll still have to see him but he has duty on my days off so the time that I'll be near him is as minimal as possible. Basically what happened is he wasnt really ready to be in the kind of relationship that we were in and his feelings for me basically got less intense and felt like we were spending too much time with eachother but since he never told me, I could never fix it and things just got bad and it was just right to end it. I am really upset, enough to the point that I had to call out of work yesterday and am thanking the heavens I had today off but I've actually already accepted that it's completely over because I've been realizing that he really wasnt who I was looking for in a really long term relationship. I need someone that's considerate of my feelings, but not overly mushy towards me and he was inconsiderate and never ever put me before himself and that's not acceptable. And this entry is over because Im starting to bawl my eyes out again and Ive worked so hard all day not to because that's all I did for like 18 hours straight yesterday and I honestly didnt think I had enough liquid in my body to expell. Oh and to top things off, I have no where to live which means I'll be moving back home, which Im not happy about in the least bit. Here I thought I was done with living at home, Im an adult I should be able to disconnect myself with my mother and grandmother, and I did, but only for a year, and now Im gonna have to admit to them that no I wasnt ready and that I was wrong and should have waited longer than I did to move out and that is not going to be an easy thing to admit to my grandma because I know she'll want to throw it in my face and I dont think I'll be able to handle it. Ah Im rambling. Good night.